having kids....i still dont know the right move

[Thong Maniac]

Listen, this is not so complicated. There are a few options:

Option 1: Stay married and have kids. Life will be peachy. You and your wife will have lots of money, your kids will become Rhodes Scholars and get into the finest schools. Life will be splendid in every aspect.

Option 2: Tell your wife that you do not want kids, and she stays with you, but perhaps resents you. Marriage takes a slow turn for the worst.

Option 3: Tell your wife that you do not want kid, and you divorce. Go your separate ways.

Option 4: Stay married and have kids. Your life is miserable. Your kids take up all your time. You and your wife hate each other, but you stay married for the kids. You sleep in separate beds and never touch each other.

Option 5: You get married, have kids, life is miserable, but you get a divorce. You spend at least 22 years paying child support, and perhaps alimony. You live alone, and hate life.

So, pick your option, and go with it.

im 80 percent at 3, 20 percent at 1

[SF1900]

im 80 percent at 3, 20 percent at 1

Well, there you go!!

[Radical Plato]

anyone here have kids, but really didnt want them? if so, did you have them because your woman wanted to?

im seriously at zero hour here boys. gotta either tell me wife no i cant do it, and get a divorce and leave her screwed...or give in to her wants and have a kid (s).

having a kid in my situation is the easy way out. but, i dont want to take that route if i still dont think its right for me. im so confused. i have no interest in kids, but i can see how it would be fulfilling too. ahhh i hate this situation so much

Man, I've been there. tough tough spot dude.  I chose no kids, no marriage and relationship eventually failed.  I am soon to be 43 and question if I did the right thing sometimes.  And you know what I think for men like us you are damned if you do damned if you don't, whatever decision you make will possibly feel like the wrong one at times and the right one at others. Just be sure whatever decision you make to commit to it, wavering in your decision will only torment you. (PS, my girlfriend had huge huge titties, trust me, they eventually sag - a lot)

My ex went on to start banging a 25 year old and he can have her.  After 12 years I had enough and she busted my balls so much it was a relief to see the back of her.  Some days I get sentimental and think of her but not often anymore.  I live alone now and for the most part I really love it, but this too has it's moments.  Life wasn't meant to be easy dude.

[Thong Maniac]

Man, I've been there. tough tough spot dude.  I chose no kids, no marriage and relationship eventually failed.  I am soon to be 43 and question if I did the right thing sometimes.  And you know what I think for men like us you are damned if you do damned if you don't, whatever decision you make will possibly feel like the wrong one at times and the right one at others. Just be sure whatever decision you make to commit to it, wavering in your decision will only torment you. (PS, my girlfriend had huge huge titties, trust me, they eventually sag - a lot)

thanks bro. wifes tits are big n fake though. yeah im really torn, i feel like the longer i give her hope the harder it will be. but,,,,maybe i do want kids....fuck ahhhhhhh

did u get duvorced over it? or just boyfriend/gf?

[Radical Plato]

thanks bro. wifes tits are big n fake though. yeah im really torn, i feel like the longer i give her hope the harder it will be. but,,,,maybe i do want kids....fuck ahhhhhhh

Give yourself some more time, the reason you are stressed about it because unlike most things, having children is irreversible.  Whatever decision you make will have an undeniably large impact on your future.  Just tell the girlfriend that you are thinking seriously on the matter but still need a little more time.  It would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world if you weren't sure that you wanted to to Father a child.  Think about the potential of separation and dealing with another man who lives with your ex and your kids etc etc..   I would write a list of reasons you think you want children and a list of reason of why you don't.  Weigh the pros and cons and deliberate on it for a while.  Good Luck dude, like I said I have been there.Even now at 43 I have a 37 year old chick who just had two children to another man (they separated soon after getting pregnant last). She is offering me the opportunity to have kids, she seems to think I am missing out on something, I tell her I am OK just the way I am. Chicks.

[Thong Maniac]

Give yourself some more time, the reason you are stressed about it because unlike most things, having children is irreversible.  Whatever decision you make will have an undeniably large impact on your future.  Just tell the girlfriend that you are thinking seriously on the matter but still need a little more time.  It would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world if you weren't sure that you wanted to to Father a child.  Think about the potential of separation and dealing with another man who lives with your ex and your kids etc etc..   I would write a list of reasons you think you want children and a list of reason of why you don't.  Weigh the pros and cons and deliberate on it for a while.  Good Luck dude, like I said I have been there.Even now at 43 I have a 37 year old chick who just had two children to another man (they separated soon after getting pregnant last). She is offering me the opportunity to have kids, she seems to think I am missing out on something, I tell her I am OK just the way I am. Chicks.

thanks man. been there done that on giving it time. pretty much ultimatum time now for her. she is barely 30, but she thinks she needs to do it now. ive been wishy washy on it for the last year or so. she is tired of the shit.

[Radical Plato]

thanks bro. wifes tits are big n fake though. yeah im really torn, i feel like the longer i give her hope the harder it will be. but,,,,maybe i do want kids....fuck ahhhhhhh

did u get duvorced over it? or just boyfriend/gf?

Just boyfriend/girlfriend.  She pressured me to marry her for years.  I realise now at my age I was an original "Men going their own way".  My early experiences with chicks sucked and I could never trust them.  I kind of developed the opinion they will all eventually fuck you over or let you down in some way.  Maybe I created a self fulfilling prophecy, but my observations with friends seems to have proven me correct.  I just think in this day and age any man who values his masculinity is at a disadvantage, as women today are trained to castrate men and have a lot of social, legal and political power to do their bidding.

[Radical Plato]

thanks man. been there done that on giving it time. pretty much ultimatum time now for her. she is barely 30, but she thinks she needs to do it now. ive been wishy washy on it for the last year or so. she is tired of the shit.

Then it is decision time.  Don't be afraid to make the wrong one, we all make big mistakes sometimes.  Unfortunately in life we don't get a dress rehearsal. Good Luck my friend.

[Thong Maniac]

Just boyfriend/girlfriend.  She pressured me to marry her for years.  I realise now at my age I was an original "Men going their own way".  My early experiences with chicks sucked and I could never trust them.  I kind of developed the opinion they will all eventually fuck you over or let you down in some way.  Maybe I created a self fulfilling prophecy, but my observations with friends seems to have proven me correct.  I just think in this day and age any man who values his masculinity is at a disadvantage, as women today are trained to castrate men and have a lot of social, legal and political power to do their bidding.

i feel ya man, your definitely rare. lots of guys get trapped and lead thr life they think they are supposed to live. marriage was as far as i think im willing to go. kids, not so sure. funny how no fathers have commented in this thread.

[Tha Grim Lifter]

Just boyfriend/girlfriend.  She pressured me to marry her for years.  I realise now at my age I was an original "Men going their own way".  My early experiences with chicks sucked and I could never trust them.  I kind of developed the opinion they will all eventually fuck you over or let you down in some way.  Maybe I created a self fulfilling prophecy, but my observations with friends seems to have proven me correct.  I just think in this day and age any man who values his masculinity is at a disadvantage, as women today are trained to castrate men and have a lot of social, legal and political power to do their bidding.

This is the main problem. People can say you are a woman hater or whatever but the basic fact is, if you get married there is a huge advantage to the woman (in most cases) if you get divorced or even have kids. I've met so many guys who have had their life fucked around. Is it worth the stress is it worth taking the risk of going through all that shit? The problem is the older you get you realise how fucked up most people are. There's always some problem.

[Radical Plato]

i feel ya man, your definitely rare. lots of guys get trapped and lead thr life they think they are supposed to live. marriage was as far as i think im willing to go. kids, not so sure. funny how no fathers have commented in this thread.

I should add, I did help raise my ex's daughter from the age of 9.  It definitely had some real powerful highs that made me realise how special being a parent could be, but there were also some terrible lows that made me go WTF.  Everyone is just different I suppose and I think it depends on your own family life.  My family of origin was incredibly dysfunctional and abusive and I think that contributed to putting me off having a family of my own.

[SquidVicious]

Why the fuck would you marry a woman you didn't intend to impregnate??

[Raymondo]

where are the actual dads at? afraid to post?

Or raising their kids?

[OB1]

Just boyfriend/girlfriend.  She pressured me to marry her for years.  I realise now at my age I was an original "Men going their own way".  My early experiences with chicks sucked and I could never trust them.  I kind of developed the opinion they will all eventually fuck you over or let you down in some way.  Maybe I created a self fulfilling prophecy, but my observations with friends seems to have proven me correct.  I just think in this day and age any man who values his masculinity is at a disadvantage, as women today are trained to castrate men and have a lot of social, legal and political power to do their bidding.

You did right.
Trust me, you really can't trust them.
If you do, you are fucked.
Just don't let them castrate you.
Life might get harder but it's worth it.

Never be the pussy of a pussy.

[Tapeworm]

I'm sure you've talked this over with your spouse at length and mulled this over yourself ad nauseum, yet indecision persists.  By now, it's reasonable to conclude that further rumination won't bring you any closer to a decision and eliminate all doubts about whether you should leave that Nobel Prize for another lifetime.  Therefore, my advice to you is to tell your wife to put on something nice and convince you that ejaculating in her is the thing to do.

[Radical Plato]

funny how no fathers have commented in this thread.

raising their kids?

Or preparing the noose   Time waits for no man.

[lilhawk1]

This should have all been worked out before you two got married.  Didn't the conversation about having kids come up before you got married?  This isn't something you decide after marriage. 

[chokeslam]

I'm 36, I went to a party on the weekend because one of my mates is having a kid (year out of leaving his wife too), another had two kids, a few others had kids. No thanks. I had the chance in the past to be tied down and married a few times which would have ended up with kids and I would not be in the position today making the money I am and being able to still train if i'd done that. I wouldn't have the money and would be fucking stressed out big time, probably not training much, wasting time on bullshit things I don't want to do. But it's up to you everyone is different.

^^^

Prime example of what I'm talking about.

My gym has child minding. As soon as your kid can hold his or her neck up, you can take them. I would train every morning, take my daughter to the park, feed her, etc. I live in Canada and took some time off for parental leave. But before that, the ex would take care of our daughter. I was able to work, train, party on weekends, do whatever. It's way different if you're a single parent, but if you have two grown ass adults, how the hell can you not be able to take care of a child? It's not that difficult. And if you have family members or friends with kids the same age, you can easily reclaim a lot of lost time. Family members are usually eager because being an aunt/uncle or grandma/grandpa is super rewarding and no drain at all.

The only thing I would caution is the relationship... I'm now divorced and half of my income goes to my ex. You're gonna be stuck with the mother of your child for almost two decades - THAT is the only thing I'll caution you about. Women are all crazy though, so that should go without saying.

[Grape Ape]

do you have kids?


i agree with some of what you said. not the tindr shit. i am so lucky that my wife is loyal and loves me a ton, but the kids thing is the only issue and im afraid im,gonna make the wrong call

where are the actual dads at? afraid to post?

Yes I do.  I'm in the "best thing ever" camp.

Did I know it at before?  No.  Nobody does.  Didn't really care for kids much before either.  It's cliche, but you don't know until you do it.

It's personal choice and I don't begrudge those who don't go that route.  But they need to shut the fuck up when giving advice they've garnered through their "friends".   They probably would be lousy at it anyway.  But all this not being able to train, work, have fun, etc is bullshit.  Under normal circumstances, it is what you make it to be.

But asking for advice on getbig?   Speaks volumes to me.

Either way, man up, make your own decision, and live with it.

[SF1900]

I'm 36, I went to a party on the weekend because one of my mates is having a kid (year out of leaving his wife too), another had two kids, a few others had kids. No thanks. I had the chance in the past to be tied down and married a few times which would have ended up with kids and I would not be in the position today making the money I am and being able to still train if i'd done that. I wouldn't have the money and would be fucking stressed out big time, probably not training much, wasting time on bullshit things I don't want to do. But it's up to you everyone is different.

Yup, everyone is different. I have a friend who lives in the suburbs with his wife and kid. Both make good livings, they have money, take vacations, go out, their child is thriving developmentally, and I would say they have a happy marriage.

I have another friend who is married and him and his wife don't make good livings. Their kid has some developmental delays (not autism or anything). They dont take vacation, they dont go out. The marriage appears to be "iffy."

So, yeah, it pans out differently for everyone.

[Radical Plato]

Yes I do.  I'm in the "best thing ever" camp.

Did I know it at before?  No.  Nobody does.  Didn't really care for kids much before either.  It's cliche, but you don't know until you do it.

It's personal choice and I don't begrudge those who don't go that route.  But they need to shut the fuck up when giving advice they've garnered through their "friends".   They probably would be lousy at it anyway.  But all this not being able to train, work, have fun, etc is bullshit.  Under normal circumstances, it is what you make it to be.

But asking for advice on getbig?   Speaks volumes to me.

Either way, man up, make your own decision, and live with it.

Translation: I am stressed the fuck out and envy childless men. I don't know what I was thinking but have no choice now but to pretend it is the greatest thing ever. Come join me my friend and repent at your leisure.

[Grape Ape]

Translation: I am stressed the fuck out and envy childless men. I don't know what I was thinking but have no choice now but to pretend it is the greatest thing ever. Come join me my friend and repent at your leisure.

So fucking wrong.

You were kicked off facebook.  That's you.

[SF1900]

So fucking wrong.

You were kicked off facebook.  That's you.

haha 

[Raymondo]

face is a 7, body is 10. makes more than me by a mile. i dont even think about doing better. i just want to be happy, and not sure if kids will make me happy or not. maybe id be happy living in the woods in a tiny ass trailor with no kids or woman...i dunno man

You found a woman like that and you're having "second thoughts"?

[Raymondo]

So fucking wrong.

You were kicked off facebook.  That's you.

Ask him about the time the police sectioned him to a psychiatric ward.

Wasn't his fault of course