having kids....i still dont know the right move

[Radical Plato]

I blame the parents for raising their kids to be selfish, parent abandoning, mofos.

By ready I mean, I know for sure 100% I WANT kids. But do I get nervous about it from time to time? Of course! One might say no matter how sure I am about kids, it's inevitable that I will have those feelings. Which then one might translate as "no one is ever ready." My professor used to say "you can't be ready or prepared for something in which you have no experience in." We're talking mentally ready.

You might think the wise, caring and responsible person is ready, but ask them and see what they say.

It has been shown that when people become parents for the first time their own unconscious memories from their own childhood kick in and they start replaying old records.  This is why so many people simply repeat what was done to them without questioning it, so if you were beaten you are more likely to beat your kids, if you were loved, then you are more likely to love your kids.  This is why I think those from extremely abusive and dysfunctional homes shouldn't reproduce.  Having said that the majority of families are abusive or dysfunctional in some way.

[cephissus]

A person will value anything after putting much time, effort, health and money in it. It could be a pile of shit, but if that's a pile of shit that took ten years to build and sustain - it will be a "great pile of shit" for a builder lol

exactly

for all those who didn't choose kids, imagine you had spent the last 20+ years being a parent

for all those who chose kids, imagine you had spent the last 20+ years without, developing in other ways

either way, would you regret your decision?

[38-26-40]

It has been shown that when people become parents for the first time their own unconscious memories from their own childhood kick in and they start replaying old records.  This is why so many people simply repeat what was done to them without questioning it, so if you were beaten you are more likely to beat your kids, if you were loved, then you are more likely to love your kids.  This is why I think those from extremely abusive and dysfunctional homes shouldn't reproduce.  Having said that the majority of families are abusive or dysfunctional in some way.

Agree

[Kim Jong Bob]

I blame the parents for raising their kids to be selfish, parent abandoning, mofos.

By ready I mean, I know for sure 100% I WANT kids. But do I get nervous about it from time to time? Of course! One might say no matter how sure I am about kids, it's inevitable that I will have those feelings. Which then one might translate as "no one is ever ready." My professor used to say "you can't be ready or prepared for something in which you have no experience in." We're talking mentally ready.

You might think the wise, caring and responsible person is ready, but ask them and see what they say.

good post missy

[SuperTed]

Why the fuck would you marry a woman you didn't intend to impregnate??

x2

Why the fuck would you commit to a serious relationship unless you plan on starting a family?
Surely you are aware that the majority of women will want kids sooner or later?

[DroppingPlates]

I blame the parents for raising their kids to be selfish, parent abandoning, mofos.

By ready I mean, I know for sure 100% I WANT kids. But do I get nervous about it from time to time? Of course! One might say no matter how sure I am about kids, it's inevitable that I will have those feelings. Which then one might translate as "no one is ever ready." My professor used to say "you can't be ready or prepared for something in which you have no experience in." We're talking mentally ready.

You might think the wise, caring and responsible person is ready, but ask them and see what they say.

Well, those 'parents' are clearly not those wise, caring and responsible individuals I was talking about. Unfortunately the most underdeveloped human beings produce the most kids.

To be honest, I'm not that interested in someone's idealistic idea about having kids, since I don't want them myself.

[Mr Anabolic]

No one should be bringing children into this world with the way the economics are right now.  You're only creating more slaves.  People are stupid and selfish.

[DroppingPlates]

No one should be bringing children into this world with the way the economics are right now.  You're only creating more slaves.  People are stupid and selfish.

And apart from economics, this world is completely fucked up with less decent people then ever, an ecosystem gone to the shitters and a possible WWIII around the corner...

[Yamcha]

why would anyone willingly bring another human being into this POS PC world?


just place the Qur'an in the crib

[Thong Maniac]

thanks guys. is there any merit to procreating because your partner, who you love,  wants to? i know she would be a great mom. is that a reason enough. alot of things we have done so far is because I wanted to...i wanted to move states, so we moved, we vacation where i want to, etc. our life up to this poijnt has been very influenced by what I want....

[Man of Steel]

anyone here have kids, but really didnt want them? if so, did you have them because your woman wanted to?

im seriously at zero hour here boys. gotta either tell me wife no i cant do it, and get a divorce and leave her screwed...or give in to her wants and have a kid (s).

having a kid in my situation is the easy way out. but, i dont want to take that route if i still dont think its right for me. im so confused. i have no interest in kids, but i can see how it would be fulfilling too. ahhh i hate this situation so much

Having children with the woman you love and have committed your life to ,for me, is natural progression and an expression of that love and committment.  I love being a husband and daddy and there was never a question about the desire to fill that role.

Being a husband and father is a role for a man and it's not a role for 30-40 year old adolescent who happens to be the size and age of a man.  Are you a man or an old boy?

Also this site is full of self-indulgent narcissists that openly speak of hating kids and never wanting them.  I fully support that.  Not saying you're one of them. ...just saying.

[Thong Maniac]

Having children with the woman you love and have committed your life to ,for me, is natural progression and an expression of that love and committment.  I love being a husband and daddy and there was never a question about the desire to fill that role.

Being a husband and father is a role for a man and it's not a role for 30-40 year old adolescent who happens to be the size and age of a man.  Are you a man or an old boy?

Also this site is full of self-indulgent narcissists that openly speak of hating kids and never wanting them.  I fully support that.  Not saying you're one of them. ...just saying.

i am definitely the adolescent you speak of

[johnnynoname]

the thing I don't get is this:
if you aren't responsible enough to have a kid then you can, I dunno, just pull out


we live in a world where there is sex information EVERYWHERE yet none of you know how to NOT have a kid apparently

I mean- I've never accidentally got a girl pregnant because I knew better and was always fast on the draw....also, I always wear those super spermicide condoms

I feel a "well, you can't get a guy pregnant so you have nothing to worry about JNN" reply coming

people can say whatever they want about me but I can say two redeeming things about myself:
1) I never lead on women to think that I'm gonna marry them when i'm not ready to be married...I'm ALWAYS upfront about that..In fact, I lost a woman who I consider a "love of my life" because of this
2) I'm not gonna introduce a kid in this world knowing full well that even though I'm 37 I'm still not ready to raise a kid so I don't cum inside of women

[DroppingPlates]

Having children with the woman you love and have committed your life to ,for me, is natural progression and an expression of that love and committment.  I love being a husband and daddy and there was never a question about the desire to fill that role.

Being a husband and father is a role for a man and it's not a role for 30-40 year old adolescent who happens to be the size and age of a man.  Are you a man or an old boy?

Also this site is full of self-indulgent narcissists that openly speak of hating kids and never wanting them.  I fully support that.  Not saying you're one of them. ...just saying.

I often hear this critique, but I do love children. Loving and wanting them however, are two different things.

I'm pretty sure you're a good & happy father

[Radical Plato]

Having children with the woman you love and have committed your life to ,for me, is natural progression and an expression of that love and committment.  I love being a husband and daddy and there was never a question about the desire to fill that role.

Being a husband and father is a role for a man and it's not a role for 30-40 year old adolescent who happens to be the size and age of a man.  Are you a man or an old boy?

Also this site is full of self-indulgent narcissists that openly speak of hating kids and never wanting them.  I fully support that.  Not saying you're one of them. ...just saying.

Says the person who is incapable of living his life without constructing a fictional father figure.  getbiggers, oh brother.

Any man who believes in GOD is still a little boy IMO.  You become a man when you are prepared to live and die alone, without the need for Daddy, either real or imagined.

[scottt]

Take trestolone and tell her you want to try.

[da_vinci]

I often hear this critique, but I do love children. Loving and wanting them however, are two different things.

I'm pretty sure you're a good & happy father

He's weak and scared, his kids will grow up to be weak and scared too. He probably thinks he's doing a good job, but being a weak individual he doesn't really know how to raise a strong one (and teaching them to intoxicate themselves with magical thoughts to feel better just doesn't cut it) thus there will be a few more humans who will suffer/be confused in this often cruel and unfair survival game we call "life".

[da_vinci]

Take trestolone and tell her you want to try.

Lmao.. That would be a violent trolling.

[Tapeworm]

You'd probably have one of those childhood obesity kids that throws tantrums in stores and strikes out playing tee-ball.  

What the fuck us the point of such a spiteful comment?  Do you have a personal beef with thong, or something?

Not at all.  Thong's ok.  But there's no law I have to like his fat, spoiled, uncoodinated, hypothetical kid.

[Grape Ape]

Not at all.  Thong's ok.  But there's no law I have to like his fat, spoiled, uncoodinated, hypothetical kid.

"what are your overheads" is one of their best lines ever.

[Tapeworm]

"what are your overheads" is one of their best lines ever.

Thong's brat wouldn't last 2 minutes in that factory.  Like the time he was gonna mow that guy's lawn for $5 after school so Thong has to leave work early to drive the kid there.  Then the little butterball can't push the mower so Thong ends up mowing the lawn while the kid stands there helpless.  And collects the $5!  Haha.




Hmm.  Kid might go further than I was giving him credit for.

[Man of Steel]

i am definitely the adolescent you speak of

To be honest, your willingness to admit that speaks volumes.  Tells me you're not as much of that 30-40 year old adolescent as you claim to be.  

I can tell you this much.  Being a daddy has been the best and most challenging part of my life.  Some parts of it come naturally to me and others do not....I'm constantly in "daddy training" and that's alright.   When my daughter was born it was amazing and overwhelming and joyous and stressful all at once, but that little girl has brought me tremendous happiness and I can't picture my life without her.

You can still be a daddy and play video games, see friends, watch football, go to the gym, etc.....but yes life does change.  For me it changed for the better.  For others that have no kids and are ignorant to such things they often attend one kid's birthday party and think, "this is horrible....I never want this".   For some folks like a True Adonis who can't stand children I'm 100% behind his decision to NEVER father a child and I mean that.  For others it's just fear of the unknown.  Still, if you can't find any positivity in your own personal situation of "being a daddy" then don't become one.  

Still, if you love your wife....I mean really love your wife.....and she wants children then you really need to step back and ask yourself why you're with this woman. 

[Man of Steel]

Says the person who is incapable of living his life without constructing a fictional father figure.  getbiggers, oh brother.

Any man who believes in GOD is still a little boy IMO.  You become a man when you are prepared to live and die alone, without the need for Daddy, either real or imagined.

LOL!!! 

[Man of Steel]

I blame the parents for raising their kids to be selfish, parent abandoning, mofos.

By ready I mean, I know for sure 100% I WANT kids. But do I get nervous about it from time to time? Of course! One might say no matter how sure I am about kids, it's inevitable that I will have those feelings. Which then one might translate as "no one is ever ready." My professor used to say "you can't be ready or prepared for something in which you have no experience in." We're talking mentally ready.

You might think the wise, caring and responsible person is ready, but ask them and see what they say.

My mother-in-law told me and my wife years ago (when we first got married) to wait and wait until we can't take it anymore to have kiddos.  Now, I think we waited a touch long LOL, but that's alright.   

I think what you wrote is dead on.  I am a daddy and I still get overwhelmed at times and I just have one kiddo, but what a joy that little girl is.  She's gonna be 6 years old and she's amazing.  To this day I still can't believe "I'm a daddy", but I wouldn't trade it.

I get to enjoy moments like the following with her.....just dancing  :

[Howard]

anyone here have kids, but really didnt want them? if so, did you have them because your woman wanted to?

im seriously at zero hour here boys. gotta either tell me wife no i cant do it, and get a divorce and leave her screwed...or give in to her wants and have a kid (s).

having a kid in my situation is the easy way out. but, i dont want to take that route if i still dont think its right for me. im so confused. i have no interest in kids, but i can see how it would be fulfilling too. ahhh i hate this situation so much

Been there /done that.

My first wife developed a deep desire to have kids, 3-4 yrs into the marriage.
I never wanted 'em and never changed on that.
It became obvious she really did want children.
Sadly there was no compromise on that, so we divorced.

The desire to raise children is a deeply personal thing.
In my opinion, it's obvious how you feel inside.

The tough thing now is dealing with that harsh truth on both sides.
She will want you to change. She will think you can change.
BUT, reality is a real muthafuka .

All the best. pm me if you want.