Stupid, angry, and lonely.
How's Reeves?
Both Steve and John are, sadly, long gone but not forgotten. Especially John.   I understand completely how you feel as sometimes I too, feel that way.
We have far more in common than not but even were that not so still would I wish you well.  That is true of everyone here.   We tend to focus on the differences, I know.  I find humor in most everyone's words, even SF1900.
All the best, my friend.