I understand where u are coming from, and I'm impressed with your dedication, but I do find it sad when you sAy "it's who I am". To me that's placing way too much value on a hobby we call weight lifting. When you are on your death bed, you may regret dedicating your life to spending so much time in a gym and worrying day in and day about about macros, lifts, etc. I kind of came to that conclusion a couple years ago, I spent 15 yrs worried about all of that trivial stuff. Now, I kind of had an awakening of sorts I guess. In my 20s having people call me "Steven the buff guy" or "dude you look huge", was cool right. But in your 30s with kids and a career, that shit isn't cool anymore, people look at you like your odd or there's something wrong with you. It's just not the same in your 30s. I don't know, just feel like it's time to move on kind of and be a better person inside and out, and leave the trivial crap like having cannon ball delts behind. Learning an instrument, or a new language seems way more interesting to me now, and I wish I didn't fall down the rabbit hole of this twisted and fake sub culture for as long as I did
Bingo... ultimately in the end.... its about doing all the stuff that fills your spirit... not being ripped for self-esteem, vanity or useless comments from others.
Go through history and think about people who really mattered in this world.
Were they counting macros or counting stars?
Searching for a bigger lat spread or more knowledge on the universe?
Did anyone care that Einstein couldn't squat 405 for reps?
Think Bruce Lee cared he was a "twink" by GetBig's definition on the skinny factor.
Wish I gave up the gym "life" years ago.... and worked out my brain and spirit instead