Honestly it is sad because this dude is probably spending all his money on hgh and steroids. Op you seem like a nice dude and your sense of humor cracks me up but it is clear you are not happy and it seems like bodybuilding is tied in with it all.
To be honest, i'm 160cm tall, very short. No bodies care me. I can't change my height but can be a muscular. No doubt steroids can help, and I use hgh and insulin too. I spend lots of money on these , foods and supplements. As the result, i got it. Roid-gut, huge pecs, rock-hard biceps, massive quads….. At the meantime, i have all the side effect. i don't mind the gut, because it makes me look bigger and manly. I really feel that everyone have paid attention on me. Recently my ex girl friend and friends call me pig, because i cannot control my gut and look like a roid pig. Bald head, shrunken balls, no dick, tits..... my coach asked me why my posers was so empty when i go to the stage. Also he said don't know how you will control that huge distended gut. Get ready to have your ass kicked on stage. i don't look like a muscular guy when wearing clothes. i love to show off my muscle at gym, swimming pool, beach, changing room. Otherwise, people feel that i'm a fat not a bodybuilder.