You're functionally retarded.
If that were true you and several others here would be even worse off. Imagine being so easily bested by someone that, as you claim, was "functionally retarded". I am of average IQ, if that. And still you are no match for me. How it must ache for such as you.
You are nothing more (and more than likely far less) than a chimp with a keyboard. The kind of intellect you display here has produced such profound literary gifts to the world as the Queeron and Book of Moron (both examples are what is called a "play on words", ace). Gifts, say I? Those two ridiculous pieces of false prose are gifts?! Yes.
The word "gift" in German means "poison". Now toddle off to your safe space, curl into the fecal position and cry yourself to sleep...Typist.