MASTER’S OLYMPIA – IN STYLE
Please note that this commentary is a parody of tonight’s show, and meant to be taken with a grain of salt. 240 aka Rob takes all responsibility for this humorous piece. If you do not enjoy abrasive sarcasm, this article is not for you. -RZ
Alberto Bitocchi
Dude posed like he was being paid by the hour. Aside from the fact that his kneecaps were swimming in the Great Quad lakes, dude looked decent. Prince Alberto brings the pain!
Leon Brown
This guy looks like he left the Ponderosa Buffet this morning and stopped at a BBing show on the way to Golden Corral. No oil, no veins, and the pubes were kinda distracting. Monster vintage tho- the guy was in the original pumping iron movie. Looks like he just needs to get his 1974 prescription updated.
Robert Cicherillo
Owned by his own posting tape. Par for course. He left his quads in 2002 and his excuses in King Kamali’s gym bag. Sounded like all 9 people in the audience were clapping for him. Wait, that was just the judging panel and his underage girlfriend. Part of the camera shot was blocked by standing applause from Jim Manion, but other than that, it was everything we expected it to be.
Pietro Gilberto
First he changes his name from Peter Gilbert to get more American chicks. “O’s” = Hoes. Gotcha. Then he no-shows for the Masters. I smell PDI witness relocation for this Johnny Looselips…
Claude Greiux
Damn, this dude was thick. Looked like Mustafa without those pesky big arms. His music actually contained cheering. Monster deception. Posed like a catfish in a bucket of bleach.
Nicolae Giurgi
Casper the friendly PotRoast. Oh, you brought your friend, the mullet. I am thinking maybe he and Leon got a 2 for 1 on that Ponderosa breakfast deal today. Banners hanging on the wall had more mass. And his dancing made Rodney St Cloud blush.
Pavol Jablonicky
Even his scalp is ripped. Dude should give Bob a run for the money. His posing has improved and he is as cut as ever. Sick pec separation. Let’s hope that Manion flu bug doesn’t hit his scoresheet right before the final results are announced.
Rusty Jeffers
Wow, this guy’s physique flows. Bald, thick, and greasy, the BayGBM special. Abs for days. Incredible thickness. Very entertaining posing routine, emulating the greats of back in the day. I had Pavol first until seeing Rusty pose. Just awesome personality and style. It’s his to lose.
William Leonard
It’s like Kris Dim aged 30 years and ran out of synthol on the same day! His lat spread actually went inward instead of out. His posing routine looked like an eptileptic man being electrocuted. The thug music was hilarious, though! Imagine the goofiest man you’ve ever seen posing, with a big ol’ smile to some prison yard murder rhymes. Classic!
David Marinelli
This guy walks with a pimp limp. Looked like a Deuce Bigelow, aging Jigalo. His lower back was sponsored by Zephyrhills. His cranium was brought to you by chromosomes #24 and 25. Posed for 35 seconds and was in his car crying by the time we knew what hit us.
Stan McCrary
Dear Stan,
This guy was massive. A tad soft, but just plain ol’ huge. Purple shorts on a guy that looks like he could break Barney’s spine. Widest back lat spread of the day, though. Rodney St. McCray when it comes to the posing, unfortunately.
Joseph Palumbo
Live and Let Diet. Wonderful posing music. Wow, so big brother dave gets all the women AND the better genetics. This man is carved out of cookie dough. I’d guess sugar cookies, from that goofy grin he was wearing.
Josef Rac
Looks like this Czech bounced. Good abs. He stumbled a lot. Don’t they let these guys use their canes? Great conditioning on this cat. Posed to “We are the Champions” and I’m guessing Freddy Mercury was still nailing hot chicks when this guy first picked up a weight. Classic lines and look, worthy of a top 7 for sure.
Quincy Roberts
A tad stringy, but his back double bicep and rear lat spread were pro caliber. In a .22 caliber contest. Top 4 fo sho? He looked a little stringier at the night show, but his upper back and shoulders were clearly the best in show.
Soliman Rudy
Oh Canada, I think this guy danced at my wife’s bachelorette party. One of his arms was kinda crooked. Worse symmetry than Lee Priest facial at a Tribal art show. Great muscularity and conditioning though- took a few people by surprise. Ab/Thigh shot got tons of applause.
Ken Jones
Oh my God, they killed Kenny! And they took his back and quads too! You bastards! This guy finishes last more often than Peter North at a sorority house. And I can see why. After witnessing this 122 pound man stumble thru a ballet routine, I apologized to the word ‘last’ for being associated with Kenny.
Roberto Sabatini
This guy is so skinny, pigeons throw bread at him in the park. Great trunks though. Didn’t have the blood sugar to make it back onstage for his posing routine.
Behnam Samini
Dude makes the Charmin man look like Momo Benaziza. I’ve heard louder crowds at Bob Chick fan club meetings. Had to be the oldest guy in the show. Didn’t stop him from doing a split in a thong. Let’s just say he had THREE points of contact with the ground- you do the math. And he posed like he drives. Took him 17 minutes to finish a 120-second routine.
Abdul Sharif
Tall guy. Good thighs, good abs, but looks like he left his pecs at the Bingo hall. Insanely ripped shoulders and arms. Just didn’t have the torso to match.
John Simmons
Finally a guy with some size. I thought I was watching a scarecrow audition for the Wizard of Oz until this cat came out. I’ll forgive the purple shorts and weak posing if he’ll share his lunchbox with the rest of these overdieted geriatrics. His posing music had more bad notes than the Athlete’s Rep precontest journal.
Daryl Stafford
Fairly wide guy. Poses like he’s on ice skates though. Pretty good muscularity. Tier 3.7 all the way. He looked like a kid dancing to Techno while wearing headphones.
Johnny Stewart
Thick. This guy has crazy quads and width. Has to be the dark horse. Bravo. Even his punching bag wife was cheering! Pose like a butterfly, bite like a plea flea!
George Turmon
I’ve heard Hitler Youths get more applause in synagogues. Looked like Chris Cormier on drugs. Oh, Cormier’s already on drugs? Bad example… Looked like Cormier without MuscleTech! Had great shape, and enough quad sweep to clean Bob Chick’s clock.
Charles Urrego
Old as the day is long. He’s got the Over-70 class locked down. He posed to some Beethoven, which is cool, cause he went to high school with the guy. Wrinkly glutes, but a back so sick it needs its own Medicaid card. Staring down the barrel of 75 might not be too bad if you looked this good.
Massimo Valli
Big guy, but waist was just too wide. His back weighs more than most of these guys’ entire bodies. Looks like his 8-track tape just wasn’t compatible with the DJ’s table, so they threw down some Star Wars, which he bumbled through. With a name like “Massimo”, he probably gets enough tail to make the trip to New York worth it.
Nathan Wonsley
Scary looking guy. I’m sure giving the evil eye to the judges can only be good for rankings. I think he may have had a shank hidden in his posing trunk too. The judges actually got a restraining order against him in case he doesn’t win.
COMPARISON ROUND:
I’ve heard more polite, less horny crowds at ‘Girls Gone Wild’ shows.
Calling out the non-scrubs: Bob Chick, Pavol, McCrary, Stewart, Simmons…
Predicably, Judge “Dredd” Manion wouldn’t let Pavol and Bob stand next to each other.
MUSCULARITY ROUND:
Pavol was on Bob like Vic M on a DEA wiretap. Far and away, not even close. It was Pavol, then everyone else.
POSEDOWN:
The camera spent 75% of their time on Bob. In the 6 man posing routine, he was in every shot and got every closeup. I think we all know who this gift is going to. Is it coincidental this film will be used for Bob’s Internet TV show? Hmmmmm
VOTERS CHOOSE THE WINNER
BBing.com, Bob Chick’s employer, awarded a fans choice award of $1000. To Bob. Which he gave to Shawn Ray’s charity. This is the same Shawn Ray who is sponsored by VYOtech. Yes, the same VYOtech which is putting on the show. Wow, this is some serious back scratching.
RESULTS:
5 Stan McCrary – no surprise here.
4 Claude Groulx – the crowdd booed this decision.
3 Pavol got 3rd. Mann, many boos from the crowd.
2 Johnny Stewart. More boos.
1 Bob Chick. Anyone surprised at all? NO cheers. Just disgust.
BOB’S VICTORY SPEECH:
”I was so surprised back in February when JManion told me I’d be winning this show. I’d like to thank Vince Taylor for not entering. I’d like to thank the sound guy for overcoming the broken hand I gave him after f**king up my posing music. I’d like to thank VYOTech for putting on this show. I’ll be giving shawn ray $1000 later on for hooking up the win. I’d like to thank Pavol, for taking it without lube tonight. And finally, I’d like to take this moment to gloat to 240 and all the message board trolls who said I couldn’t win a fixed show. I DID IT!”
IN CLOSING
Well, Bob Chick won the show. After publicly stating he’d bet on the outcome. What more can you say? Congrats on winning the most disputed show since 1980. Goodnight, and good luck in the PDI.
