I am young, but can slowly see having a decade of training under my belt slowly dwindle. Perhaps four years of drugs was the main driving force, and after going natural and slowly losing mass, I am faced with the truth behind the syringe. Despite working and dieting really hard, the scale kept getting lower, while all my XL shirts slowly went from tight to baggy. With that, I slowly starting losing the drive which I never in years would have thought would ever happen to me. Its transparent that once you juice, theres really no turning back to the same fire once you get off the gas. Maybe growing older has forced me into more meaningful pursuits, while engaging in more activities outside of forced eating schedules, and secret drug lifestyle.
Am I simply maturing and chasing after more substance, or am i in denial of my former drug use. And how the drive I once had was almost entirely based on the drugs and growth. Before I starting I using, my early twenties were an addiction. I touched a weight I blew up with excitement as I grew. I maintained that fire well into my mid twenties, but once I came off at 28 I started questioning my ethics. And after close to two years clean, the workouts, and passion are a fraction of what I once was
bodybuilding is purely a egotistical pursuit. And the moment you add drugs, you're chasing a temporary look. And If you do manage to get off, you will only know then how much of you're true devotion to the iron is. Most people dont even know there drug addicts, even after they are huffing out of breathe, have terrible cholesterol and high blood pressure. They will still believe they are healthy while at the doctors being told that they should come off
