This next story is about two idiots who thought they were bodybuilders.

These same two halfwits also thought that a Mr. America and Mr. Universe contest winner was nothing at all........not a big deal, and actually looked kind of wimpy.
Let`s take a closer look at these two flying fuckwits and see how the story goes down.
We are once again training at the Springfield Mass. YMCA................no other gyms yet in the area.
Our two protagonists are scheming how they are planning on entering their first ever bodybuilding contest.........the Teen Age Mr. Baystate and kick some ass.
This had to be, to the best of my quite rusty recollection around 1971 or 1972..............not quite sure, but it doesn`t matter............these two guys were still quite ridiculous even if they didn`t realize it at the time.
One of these imbeciles was yours truly, and the other jackass was a guy we`ll call Woody since that was his name.
Now you guys all know me, so being the imbecile that you know me to be, is not a big stretch for your imaginations............
...............however,Woody was another whole class of idiot entirely............a little background info so you can form your own mental picture of this mental case.
Woody was a guy that me and Harris met at the "Y"............his buddy George Mitchell trained with him................both guys were arm nuts and not much more, though they did train other bodyparts half assed and half heartedly.
When it came to "arm day" these guys actually dumped some sweat.............not too much though.
We`ll skip over George Mitchell as he was smart enough not to want to enter this contest with us..............props to him at least for being that smart!!
OK,Woody stood about 5 foot 3 inches if that and fancied himself another version of Franco Colombu his idol.........he had the guns to prove it too damn it !!
Or at least he was gunning to get those guns.
Woody was the type of guy we`ve all see before in gyms all over the world.
For example he would take a 65 pound dumbell for single arm Preacher Curls...................
..of course George spotted him on this set and held tightly onto the 65 pounder while doing 90 % of the work while Woodys arm would just go through a type of sloppy curling motion during the set.
Another weird thing about both of these guys was the fact that before they ever said almost anything at all they would insert the word "HEY" in front of their sentences,statements, or questions whichever it was a the time.
For example if George wanted to tell Harris about a chick he saw out on the running track,it would go a bit like this:
"Hey Ray hey,saw a hot blonde earlier today by the track hey..............fucking nice ass hey".
I had no clue where these cats grew up other than they were from across the bridge in West Springfield...........mi
ght have been from Mars..........who knows........they were a bit weird.
Back in that time,they sold a cheaply made Collagen based liquid protein in 16 or 24 oz. plastic bottles......supposedly pre-digested for better absorption.
The recommended dosage was a Tbsp. at a time between meals.
Well one day I stop by Woodys apartment and he`s eating a huge steak and a container of cottage cheese.........."gotta get those arms up hey" he says to me.
We sit there planning what we need for the upcoming contest and he suddenly breaks out with this fucking gem:
"Hey Tim hey,last night I drank a whole big fucking bottle of pre-digested protein hey,...................SHIT MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT HEY' !!
I just looked up at the ceiling not knowing what to say or think.............after all,we`re talking about Woody here hey!!
OK,we`ll cut to the chase a bit and get into the contest itself.
Back then there was no Pro-Tan or Dream Tan or anything like that.
You either got a tan by laying in the sun or you bought this lotion by Coppertone called "Sudden Tan"...........we opted for the Sudden Tan.
Some guys mixed iodine with baby oil but you had to really know how to do it even for terrible results so we skipped that idea entirely.
"Sudden Tan" it was.
We put the goop on the day before the contest and woke up the next morning completely colored orange !!
Actually we had seen this before and it was just the way the stuff worked so we drove to Mechanics Hall in Worcester Mass. and there was a ton of muscle guy running around all colored fucking orange when we got there.
If they all stood together,it would have looked like a giant pumpkin patch................SER
IOUSLY....... that`s how orange his stuff made you look
Now we had our posing routines already devised,our posing trunks, which were not true posing trunks but swimming briefs/trunks, and our orange skin.........we were good to go !!
Woody was a tiny looking Franco lookalike and I weighed about 100 pounds soaking wet..........if that and I`m serious here,I may have been under 100 pounds at the time at around 5 foot 6 inches tall.
I was Frank Fucking Zane and I could care less what anyone else called me........I was ZANE dammit!!
Looking back on this we must have had one of those proverbial fun house mirrors because we thought we looked awesome but we looked like we barely ever touched a weight in our lives in spite of actually doing so. six days a week.
In essence we looked like two orange idiots................co
mplete fools if you will.
We got up there and posed, and oddly enough the people in the crowd were very kind and actually applauded our half assed efforts.
THEY FELT SORRY FOR US !

Well,after that fiasco was over,we were still too stupid to think that we didn`t look impressive walking around the auditorium wowing the assembled crowd with our massive musculature!
Now we sat and watched the rest of the contest and saw some true freaks...........the likes of which we didn`t even think existed on this planet.
I turned to the side of the auditorium and I saw Mr. America Boyer Coe going backstage.
Woody and I quickly bounded over there,went in back and looked at Boyer Coe dressed in a black Golds Gym warmup suit sitting on a metal folding chair curling some dumbells.
Being the huge bastards we both we were our first thought was that Coe looked tiny....................
.like nothing at all.
NOTHING!!
Puny and weak looking or just like anybody else,nothing like we expected a all.
Coe was sitting around talking to a bunch of the contestants telling them about Golds Gym in Venice California..............
......no clue if he had just returned from Cali, or if it was his first time ever being in that famous gym.
He said the place was nothing special............if you put down your pair of dumbells then went to retrieve them they would be seen rolling across the crooked floor of Golds Gym.
He did however say in his quiet Southern accent that the gym atmosphere for training was incredible.
THEN he stood up,did some pushups and took off his Golds warmup jacket and my jaw dropped to the fucking floor !!
He looked like a fucking piece of living sculpture that had somehow came to life.
He was incredible looking........my mind was officially blown away.
Then he shed his pants and started oiling up for his posing routine.
Me and Woody rushed to grab some seats and watched Boyer hit all of his classic poses and he posed beautifully.
His fucking arms were simply incredible...........no words from me could do them justice
High peaked biceps,full thick triceps and when he held his arms out in certain shots you could see the splits in both biceps................un
flexed.
His legs were insane too.............calves like I nothing I ever saw before in my life,and thighs like carved marble columns
Delts,chest,back, all thick wide dense and striated as Hell....................
..tapering down to the tiniest of waistlines.
I had no clue what he was up to before this posing stint, but he was about a week out .of a past contest or a week before an upcoming contest.
Dude was just in unreal shape, and to this day,Boyer and Francos back when I saw it in Holyoke Mass.are two of the moments in my life that impressed me more than just about any other bodybuilder and I`ve seen every one from Arnold to Ronnie in person.
Boyer Coe was the perfect beast and looked exactly how a bodybuilder should look.
I was always a big fan as a kid and thought he was the only AAU guy that could give Weiders boys a run for their money.
Two things I read in magazines about Coe was that he said he was so dedicated to his training that if he had decided to play tennis instead of being a bodybuilder,he would have "made Jimmy Connors eat tennis balls".
The other anecdote was:
"Age is just mind over matter..............if you don`t mind,it don`t matter.


Boyer Coe
Height 5'7"
Born August 18, 1946
1964
Mr Texas - AAU, 2nd
1965
Teen Mr America - AAU, 2nd
Teen Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 2nd
Mr Texas - AAU, Most Muscular, 1st
Mr Texas - AAU, Winner
1966
Junior Mr America - AAU, 5th
Junior Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 5th
Teen Mr America - AAU, Winner
Mr USA - AAU, 2nd
Mr USA - AAU, Most Muscular, 3rd
1967
Mr America - AAU, 5th
Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 5th
Junior Mr America - AAU, 2nd
Junior Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 2nd
Mr Southern States - AAU, 2nd
1968
Mr America - AAU, 2nd
Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 1st
Junior Mr America - AAU, 2nd
Junior Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 1st
Junior Mr USA - AAU, Overall Winner
Mr USA - AAU, Most Muscular, 1st
Mr USA - AAU, 2nd
1969
Mr America - AAU, Winner
Mr America - AAU, Most Muscular, 1st
Junior Mr America - AAU, Winner
Mr Universe - NABBA, Overall Winner
Mr Universe - NABBA, Medium, 1st
1970
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Short, 1st
Mr World - AAU, Pro Short, 2nd
1971
Mr America - IFBB, Medium, 1st
Mr International - IFBB, Medium, 1st
Mr International - IFBB, Overall Winner
Pro Mr World - WBBG, Winner
1972
Mr Galaxy - WBBG, 2nd
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Short, 2nd
Pro Mr World - WBBG, Winner
1973
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Overall Winner
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Short, 1st
Pro Mr World - WBBG, Winner
1974
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Short, 2nd
Pro Mr World - WBBG, Winner
1975
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Short, 1st
Universe - Pro - NABBA, Overall Winner
Universe - Pro - PBBA, Winner
Pro Mr World - WBBG, Winner
1976
Olympia - IFBB, LightWeight, Did not place
1977
Olympia - IFBB, 4th
Olympia - IFBB, LightWeight, 3rd
1978
Night of Champions - IFBB, 4th
Olympia - IFBB, 4th
Olympia - IFBB, LightWeight, 2nd
Professional World Cup - IFBB, 5th
1979
Best in the World - IFBB, Professional, 5th
Canada Diamond Pro Cup - IFBB, 3rd
Canada Pro Cup - IFBB, 3rd
Florida Pro Invitational - IFBB, 4th
Grand Prix Pennsylvania - IFBB, 5th
Grand Prix Vancouver - IFBB, 3rd
Night of Champions - IFBB, 4th
Olympia - IFBB, LightWeight, 2nd
Pittsburgh Pro Invitational - IFBB, 5th
1980
Canada Pro Cup - IFBB, 2nd
Grand Prix California - IFBB, 5th
Grand Prix Miami - IFBB, 5th
Grand Prix Pennsylvania - IFBB, 5th
Olympia - IFBB, 4th
Pittsburgh Pro Invitational - IFBB, 5th
1981
Canada Pro Cup - IFBB, Winner
Grand Prix Belgium - IFBB, Winner
Grand Prix California - IFBB, 3rd
Grand Prix Massachusets - IFBB, Winner
Grand Prix New England - IFBB, 3rd
Grand Prix Wales - IFBB, Winner
Grand Prix Washington - IFBB, 3rd
Grand Prix World Cup - IFBB, Winner
Night of Champions - IFBB, 3rd
Professional World Cup - IFBB, Winner
World Grand Prix - IFBB, Winner
1982
Grand Prix Belgium - IFBB, 8th
Grand Prix Sweden - IFBB, 9th
Olympia - IFBB, 11th
World Pro Championships - IFBB, 2nd
1984
Olympia - IFBB, 13th
1994
Olympia - Masters - IFBB, 3rd
1995
Olympia - Masters - IFBB, 10th