Tbombz:
I've had several girlfriends. Even had a wife. And those relationships were good, at least for a time. We had things in common. We enjoyed each other's company. We were attracted to each other. We would even laugh together at times. We were friendly. But to what degree were any of those women actually my friend?
I must admit, none of them started as a friend. And the entire time I was with them, they were always in the "girlfriend" or "wife" box, virtually entirely separate from the "friend" box. Did I ever really cultivate a true "friendship" with any of them? Sad to say, despite being deeply committed, attracted to, open and vulnerable with, those women, I don't think I really considered or treated them as friends - they were a joy, but they were also at times somewhat of a burden. I loved talking with them everyday, but sometimes it was "talking with the girlfriend/wife."
How often do we see this in relationships? The person expresses that, at least at times, spending time with, talking to, doing things with, their spouse, is something of a chore, an obligation, a burden. It's not that they don't love their husband/wife. It's not that they don't like them. But it's not their friend. Much less is it their bestfriend. It's their husband/girlfriend. It's a duty.
What if we made friendship the basis of marriage, rather than duty. What if your spouse was first and foremost your bestfriend, playmate, and life partner, and only secondarily your "husband/wife" whom you have obligations to? What if your wife wasn't just the person who means the most to you, whom you make the most meaningful memories with, but what if she was the person you always had the best time with? The person you go to when you want to laugh, play, have a good time, joke around with, etc? What if your wife wasn't "marriage, sex, babies, mealtimes, bedtimes, duty, obligation, long-term memories, etc," but also and first and foremost, "fun, laughter, bestfriend, companion, the right now, the free time, your closest confidant and lover"?
If you are reading this and you feel like maybe you've been viewing your spouse or significant other more through the lens of "joyful duty" rather than "bestfriend, playmate, and life partner", there's no reason you can't begin to emphasize the one while rightfully retaining the other.
