My brother, my sister, and I, have just finished cleaning out my parents house. I'm exhausted.
We have a professional cleaning crew coming in, to make it look good. I have to go sign the closing papers tomorrow. The neighbors a few houses down, actually bought the house.
They have a step daughter and her husband that was living with them. Now, they have their own house, close by.
It's just a mind fuck looking at old photo albums, and realizing that this is really it.
I was looking at one of bhanks threads, and noticed that my parents had their house built in 2004 as well. I really don't think it has sunk in yet.
I watched the Superbowl for the first time without my father. My mother died on Superbowl Sunday last February.
Growing old sucks.
This sucks.
This is also why I don't personally feel life has any value. Why would anyone want to come alive [be born], only to live through losses like this? To me, NOTHING makes up for that degree of loss - nothing!
I don't expect people to agree with me on this. My unvaccinated father came down with Covid last month [January 20th]. It hit him pretty hard [he's 63, and eats too many carbohydrates, IMO]. Since the hospital refused to do ANYTHING for him except to tell him to come back when he is blue in the face.
I had to seriously contemplate what would happen if he died.
This is why I don't want to have any close relationships. Who wants to experience loss like that?
What I'm saying is for me, I'd rather not have any relationships than go through that. I'd rather not exist than experience these sorts of losses in life. And I say that being "privileged" - I had all my grandparents alive until I was 30, and still have my mom's mom, now at 40. She lives up the road. She will be 90 in September.
So I'm lucky, I'll give myself that.
But I wouldn't wish what you just went through on anyone, King Shizzo. And what's more is that EVERYONE has to eventually go through it.
To me, it's just not worth it.
Good luck with everything, King. I hope your pain stops here.
