You are small and weak.
He has shamed his girlfriend by playing "Pave my dirt road and make it the Hershey Highway" with some strangers off the interwebs. He put up butt crack pictures of his ass to lure semen sucking sickos into the twisted lair of his balloon knot.
Unless she is some sort of perv, his girlfriend deserves to be with a man that would not risk her health by taking the road to turdition, if you will.
perhaps one of the truly talented here can put him into one of "The Manholelorian" posters that were done a while ago?