Gentlemen, please share your poo-related horror stories.

[ThisisOverload]

No. 

He was a huge fan of Howard Stern while we grew up together, partly because of Stern’s scatological humor, like his character of Fartman.

He would also cup of his flatulence, put his clenched fist to his nose, and release it one finger at a time, as if he were savoring the moment.

He liked foul smells of all sorts. He would rub his swamp-ass residue on a finger and smell it. He would give himself Dutch ovens in his bed. He would prank people by taking a dump, leaving the toilet open, call someone to the bathroom and then quickly get out and shut the door and hold it so the person would see the dump and smell the odor.

We grew up together in childhood into our teenage years. I admit I’m at fault for this prolonged friendship with a lunatic because as a naive, well-meaning kid, I thought I had some sort of obligation to long-time friends. I think many men have thought that.

Eventually, for a variety of reasons, including his perversions, I grew to despise him, and scatological humor. Hence I had violent ideation and revulsion when I viewed videos of Eddie Hall and Markus Ruhl joking around with flatulence and the YouTube celebrity Jack Vale pranking people with the fart-noise gadget called a Pooter. I have terrible, vicious thoughts for people who provide such humor.

I used to work with this lady who was a total cunt and complained every time someone heated up food in the break room.

When she got up to piss or whatever i would walk into her office and rip paint peeling farts.

I heard her gag at least 5 times.

She never said anything about it.

[Flexacon]

Not a shit story, but I was doing night work and it's a 12 hour shifts. You either bring your own food or you don't eat as nothing was open at that hour.

Took a few meals with me, but one container with chicken, I forgot to put it in my fridge. Come 4am and I'm starving and pulled this container out that had been sitting in my locker for 10 hours.

I thought fuck it and nuked it in the microwave. It stunk up the who staff area bad (used by 30 people) Everyone thought the smell  must have been from the drains nearby. Yes I still ate it as I wasn't gonna let myself get catabolic! Amazingly I didn't get the shits afterwards.

[Henda]

I admit it: I have a phobia of poo. I'm truly disgusted and appalled by anything to do with shit when it involves the opposite sex. If a woman even jokes about the subject of pooing or farting, I want nothing to do with her. Indeed, my policy on poo is one of zero tolerance. Sometimes, I think life might actually be easier if I were a secret shit-fetishist like affeman or Donny. In the spirit of perverse entertainment and to celebrate the somewhat masochistic allure of disgust, I invite you all to share your horrific encounters here.

Hahaha snap mate I’m exactly like you. I don’t know where it came from and I feel like I’m being an uppity cunt but can’t help it

[Taffin]

I've posted this elsewhere, but one time I was on a beach (about midnight - no families around LOL) with a young lady squatting downstairs polishing my pipe

Without breaking her rhythm, she reached one hand down under her skirt to free her undercarriage... I heard a little trickle and thought to myself "cool - she's p1ssing - bit kinky - it'll make a good anecdote to tell the fellas back at the hotel"...

Then I realised what she was actually doing... releasing the loose remains of last nights spicy kebab... 

[BBSSchlemiel]

I used to work with this lady who was a total cunt and complained every time someone heated up food in the break room.

When she got up to piss or whatever i would walk into her office and rip paint peeling farts.

I heard her gag at least 5 times.

She never said anything about it.

That’s actually funny.

[ElPolloSalmonello]

Christmas day - we went for dinner at a restaurant in town. I left the wife there with her mates and took the 2 kids back in the car. Now, out here - Christmas isn't a public holiday, so I did think about going to the toilet before we set off - but nope - nothing brewing.

About 10 mins into the journey - I'm stuck in traffic and my guts started to rumble really bad. I needed a gas station - but we weren't moving. The 2 kids are in the back of the car thinking this whole thing is freaking hilarious. As time went on, it got more and more severe until I couldn't hold back any longer and it came out as I was sitting there in the drivers seat. Kids are now bent over double at dad shitting in the car. This was despite me telling them how funny this wasn't.

Thing is - it didn't stop at that first release - it kept coming and coming, filling my jeans until I hat to tuck them into my socks to prevent it from coming out of the jean's legs.

When I got back, it was all over my legs. My underwear was a massive shit sack. The sock thing worked a charm and thankfully nothing leaked into the car. Levi's Jeans must be turd proof thankfully. All the clothes went in the bin.

We don't discuss this at home.

[Phantom Spunker]

A former friend of mine used to take dumps while relaxing in the tub and then smash it into the drain with shampoo bottles while standing ankle deep in shit water.

This is honestly just beyond the pale, lol. He should hang for this. Along with Fat Eddie Hall for his farting antics.

I've told this before, but years ago when i was a man whore banging multiple Mexican broads off Tinder, i went out with a broad that used her younger sister's pics to "bait" me into a date. I showed up to her house a bit drunk and she basically apologized for misleading me and just wanted to fuck, so we did. She wasn't bad looking but a little chubby, not a big deal to me. As an anal connoisseur i proceeded to plow her in the ass from behind and suddenly we hear someone enter the house with children. I guess she got nervous and tensed up which caused her to "leak" a little, just then the door to her room opens and standing there is her little sister (whos pics she used) who had just returned early from taking this pigs children to a movie.

She panics and jerks forward, "pulling the plug" so to speak, which cause a "shit sprinkler" all over me, the bed, the wall and the dresser. I still remember the look of disgust on her sister's face and the pigs face as she turned and looked at me. It was more a look of fear and dismay, almost like she just watched her dog get hit by a car.

She runs out of the room and enters the bathroom, her little sister disappears to another room. I clean myself off with some clean clothes out of the dresser that were obviously men's clothing. I bolt out the door and hop in my truck, vanish.

Well, i forgot my fucking cell phone, so i message this pig on Tinder the next day to leave my phone in her mailbox so i can come get it. Which she does. As i grab the phone out of the mailbox, her little sister is looking out the window in disgust, i wink at her and do the "call me" hand gesture.

I have a lot of shit stories with women, but this was the worst.

I remembered reading this but forgot it was you, haha. I don't even have the words. Truly the stuff of nightmares. The 'call me' gesture at the traumatized sister is classic.

Hahaha snap mate I’m exactly like you. I don’t know where it came from and I feel like I’m being an uppity cunt but can’t help it

I reckon we've both probably been around a lot of disgusting blokes and been desensitized to it. I think that's what it is for me: I'm so used to seeing men do the most appalling things that I want women to be held to a different standard and not do anything to disgust me.

[Phantom Spunker]

Christmas day - we went for dinner at a restaurant in town. I left the wife there with her mates and took the 2 kids back in the car. Now, out here - Christmas isn't a public holiday, so I did think about going to the toilet before we set off - but nope - nothing brewing.

About 10 mins into the journey - I'm stuck in traffic and my guts started to rumble really bad. I needed a gas station - but we weren't moving. The 2 kids are in the back of the car thinking this whole thing is freaking hilarious. As time went on, it got more and more severe until I couldn't hold back any longer and it came out as I was sitting there in the drivers seat. Kids are now bent over double at dad shitting in the car. This was despite me telling them how funny this wasn't.

Thing is - it didn't stop at that first release - it kept coming and coming, filling my jeans until I hat to tuck them into my socks to prevent it from coming out of the jean's legs.

When I got back, it was all over my legs. My underwear was a massive shit sack. The sock thing worked a charm and thankfully nothing leaked into the car. Levi's Jeans must be turd proof thankfully. All the clothes went in the bin.

We don't discuss this at home.

There's no panic like being stuck in a car and feeling your stomach go. One thing I never do when travelling is eat salads, put ice in my drinks, or try random fruits that I've not personally washed. If it's not came out of a packet or been boiled to the extreme, then I don't trust it.

Two of my old friends once came back from a night out years ago and one of them was literally in tears laughing from trying to explain what had happened. They had gone back to a hotel with two girls and were all naked and fucking around. One of the guys picked up the girl's underwear, put it to his face and jokingly took a massive, exaggerated sniff.

Apparently, as soon as he did,  his face contorted in panic and horror, and he fell to the floor and started spewing. The underwear was described as being covered in shit and 'literally looking like she had used a corkscrew to stuff it up her ass.'

[Humble Narcissist]

There's no panic like being stuck in a car and feeling your stomach go. One thing I never do when travelling is eat salads, put ice in my drinks, or try random fruits that I've not personally washed. If it's not came out of a packet or been boiled to the extreme, then I don't trust it.

Two of my old friends once came back from a night out years ago and one of them was literally in tears laughing from trying to explain what had happened. They had gone back to a hotel with two girls and were all naked and fucking around. One of the guys picked up the girl's underwear, put it to his face and jokingly took a massive, exaggerated sniff.

Apparently, as soon as he did,  his face contorted in panic and horror, and he fell to the floor and started spewing. The underwear was described as being covered in shit and 'literally looking like she had used a corkscrew to stuff it up her ass.'

Boner killer.

[Gym Rat]

MY buddy and his wife tell this story on occasion when new folks are around, cracks me up each time...

They were driving back from FLA to MA one year. They stopped at a friends house on the way back just for a few hour visit.
The person put out drinks, snacks, etc. So (we'll call him) "Tony" decides to eat a bunch of hot cherry peppers.

So a few hours of driving down rte 95 in FL, he tells the wife to pull over, he needs to crap NOW, stomach was churning......
She pulls over, he runs into the woods. Problem is the shorts he had on had a string-tie he couldnt un-do...
Shitz his knickerz like Joe Biden after a dairy-queen trip.  He had to leave everything in the woods. Comes  up to the car naked, with his t-shirt in front of his junk.
It was day time and cars were driving by, honking, etc..

Wife had to drive while smelling that shit as he sat on his shirt in the car. She made it to an exit and went into a Walmart and bought him some clothes. (And wipes).
Took a sponge-bath out back of Walmart using wipes. Like the whole container...

Mad shitter...