last videos before suicide

[Rambone]

All these men were former Hilldog staffers

[blackpele]

The thing about hating life is that you have to hold on. You won't feel the same in 5,10,15 years if you just hold on.  Life changes. Careers change and new people come into your life. Old relationships evolve. Life can get better in a flash and if it doesn't wait it out even if it takes years. I know more about this topic than I type. I've made mistakes and have regrets but in the end the good out weighs the bad. Sometimes you can't see that because of the darkness. Get help if you need it or resolve that things get better in time. The old saying time cures all wounds applies. No, life isn't about skipping in the park flying a kite. I hope you have people in your life that love you. If you can find just one then it's all you need to stick around. If you don't, don't make an enemy of yourself and beat yourself up. Learn to love yourself.

Wise words oldtimer1, almost 10 years ago I felt so miserable that I distinctively remember one night I cried and prayed to God to not wake up the next morning, I just had enough, now almost 10 years later I feel blessed that my wish was not materialised.
So for anyone out there feeling the need to end their journey prematurely, just remember life is full of surprises, you just never know, so hang on.

[Gym Rat]

Wise words oldtimer1, almost 10 years ago I felt so miserable that I distinctively remember one night I cried and prayed to God to not wake up the next morning, I just had enough, now almost 10 years later I feel blessed that my wish was not materialised.
So for anyone out there feeling the need to end their journey prematurely, just remember life is full of surprises, you just never know, so hang on.

 
Glad you're still here brother!

[Kwon]

 
Glad you're still here brother!

He experienced 10 years of pain though until things changed


Some people do not endure that long

[G_Thang]

No way I'm trying to test this theory.

https://youtu.be/R0srr1KzP1U?t=169

[LurkerNoMore]

Someone once said that suicide is self defense because you kill the person that is killing you.

Strange but kind of truthful way to put it.

[The Scott]

Absolutely amazing & unbelievable life / death / life experiences Scott
Did you see / sense / feel / hear / know you were dead during those death times ??

The first two there was nothing.  The third and (so far) final time I saw nothing but what I think I heard was told me to be for me alone until such time as I knew it was time to speak on it to my family.  I still live in fear of having had more damage to my brain from all that time without oxygen.   

The saddest part about all of this is that my first doctor asked me more than once if I recalled anything about being dead and I always told him no because I truly didn't remember a thing.  Later on I found out that he died of terminal cancer.  If I had known that I would've lied to ease his mind.  A good man taken while so many vile beings live on.

Like you,  I despise what mankind is doing to civilization and those that literally built it. These filthy creatures deserve Hades.

[IroNat]

Too much good ice cream in the world to eat to give that up by offing yourself.

[The Scott]

Too much good ice cream in the world to eat to give that up by offing yourself.

   Agreed!

[Dokey111]

Wise words oldtimer1, almost 10 years ago I felt so miserable that I distinctively remember one night I cried and prayed to God to not wake up the next morning, I just had enough, now almost 10 years later I feel blessed that my wish was not materialised.
So for anyone out there feeling the need to end their journey prematurely, just remember life is full of surprises, you just never know, so hang on.

It's like a baseball game.  No matter how far you are down, you stay in the game to the end because you never know what can happen.

[Kwon]

Thanks fellas, been pretty dark as of late.

Been there as well Robseph

When my mother died in my arms while i was trying to rescusitate her with
cardiopulmonary rescue (which i was the best at in the military)

But to no avail, she started to swell up in my arms

Blamed myself for her death for many years

[Henda]

Sad to read these experiences and feelings of great getbig brothers really hope you are ok and get through this

Have had those feeling particularly a few year ago when split with the ex of 15 years through my own actions to be ho ext o never appreciated her the whole time we together, convinced myself she felt nothing for me said horrible things to her like how if I died she would have a new bloke with her at my funeral ect looking back it’s a wonder she stuck around so long.

The period after her and my daughter moved out was literally the most miserable period of my life coming home from work to the house practically empty compared to how it was was absolute torture and had those same feelings and being totally honest had my son not stayed with me I very likley would have ended it. I’d wish something would happen beyond my controll so I could check out guilt free to my kids. Then life actually gave me what I wanted the day I nearly died with heart attack, I knew even before the doctor said that another hour or so and would have been dead all I had to do was refuse to go to the hospital but when actually faced with it and the thought of my son finding me dead on the floor scared the shut out of me and made me realise how selfish I was being

Then later as well when the fat bitch cardio nurse basically said I was dying I always thought I didn’t give a fuck about dying but when faced with it was such a fucking miserable depressing thing and those few month were horrific the relief of being told I was ok convinced me that no I’d much rather live

It always appears that others have it so good but a lot of time it’s just an illusion, I just done a job for an older bloke who seemed to have the perfect life, lovely house in an amazing location by the river, holiday home in Spain lovely wife then he tells me he’s got heart failure and prostate cancer.

Please guys hope you find the thing that flips the switch that gets you out of these bad thoughts and looking forward

[joswift]

Sad to read these experiences and feelings of great getbig brothers really hope you are ok and get through this

Have had those feeling particularly a few year ago when split with the ex of 15 years through my own actions to be ho ext o never appreciated her the whole time we together, convinced myself she felt nothing for me said horrible things to her like how if I died she would have a new bloke with her at my funeral ect looking back it’s a wonder she stuck around so long.

The period after her and my daughter moved out was literally the most miserable period of my life coming home from work to the house practically empty compared to how it was was absolute torture and had those same feelings and being totally honest had my son not stayed with me I very likley would have ended it. I’d wish something would happen beyond my controll so I could check out guilt free to my kids. Then life actually gave me what I wanted the day I nearly died with heart attack, I knew even before the doctor said that another hour or so and would have been dead all I had to do was refuse to go to the hospital but when actually faced with it and the thought of my son finding me dead on the floor scared the shut out of me and made me realise how selfish I was being

Then later as well when the fat bitch cardio nurse basically said I was dying I always thought I didn’t give a fuck about dying but when faced with it was such a fucking miserable depressing thing and those few month were horrific the relief of being told I was ok convinced me that no I’d much rather live

It always appears that others have it so good but a lot of time it’s just an illusion, I just done a job for an older bloke who seemed to have the perfect life, lovely house in an amazing location by the river, holiday home in Spain lovely wife then he tells me he’s got heart failure and prostate cancer.

Please guys hope you find the thing that flips the switch that gets you out of these bad thoughts and looking forward

If someone is not going through something themselves they have someone close who is...

[Fortress]

They do say when you’ve finally made up your mind to really kill yourself you are finally happy and everyone thinks your depression is over but that’s the time the person just knows nothing matters anymore and nothing can chase them to the beyond so they are finally at peace. I’ve read a lot about suicide cause I always keep it as an option as I truly hate life.

Rob, stay the course. I know I’m only your Getbig friend, but a friend, nonetheless.

Lots here care about you.

[Sandrock]

You are correct sir. I’m always dark and miserable but occasionally I get darker than usual and this time it’s been hanging around longer than usual. I’m just not a joyful person so I don’t find amusement in things. I have a general disgust for life. I’m torn on the whole pussys kill themselves thing though, on one side I see that living is very hard and also that killing yourself is very hard. I wouldn’t do it peacefully with pills or anything I would like to do it very violently with a gun maybe a shootout in the ghetto or something, something fun. I’m not there yet I just get very dark, the last two months have put me to the test.

Well fuckin shit Rob you're one of my favorite guys on here, please hang in there.  What happened the last 2 months?

[robcguns]

Thanks a lot fellas, appreciate the kind comments as always.

Not sure what in specific has made me so dark the last few months just been thinking more and with me that’s not good haha. Prob just time and thinking of time and what is to become of everything in time. Also the summer ending always kills me so that added on isn’t helping.

[The Scott]

Thanks a lot fellas, appreciate the kind comments as always.

Not sure what in specific has made me so dark the last few months just been thinking more and with me that’s not good haha. Prob just time and thinking of time and what is to become of everything in time. Also the summer ending always kills me so that added on isn’t helping.

It's dark all the time when you pull the shade down.  You will be fine so long as your realize not to make more out of something until it has proven worthy of doing so, my brother.

[Kwon]

Thanks a lot fellas, appreciate the kind comments as always.

Not sure what in specific has made me so dark the last few months just been thinking more and with me that’s not good haha. Prob just time and thinking of time and what is to become of everything in time. Also the summer ending always kills me so that added on isn’t helping.

Where in the US are you?

Are you thinking it will be a Caliphat in 2050?

[BlackMetallic]

Where in the US are you?

Are you thinking it will be a Caliphat in 2050?

We need to get him out of Wisconsin and get him, The Scott, Wes, Fortress, to AZ

[joswift]

We need to get him out of Wisconsin and get him, The Scott, Wes, Fortress, to AZ

someone needs to cut down his vegetation, last thing he needs is a garden full of wankers.

[robcguns]

someone needs to cut down his vegetation, last thing he needs is a garden full of wankers.

Hahahahaha.

[Kwon]

someone needs to cut down his vegetation, last thing he needs is a garden full of wankers.

Hey! We're there to cheer him up!

[The Scott]

We need to get him out of Wisconsin and get him, The Scott, Wes, Fortress, to AZ

I agree.  I visit relatives in Tucson as much as my health will allow.   

[The Scott]

someone needs to cut down his vegetation, last thing he needs is a garden full of wankers.

It took me a moment but I got it!  In Arizona, Rob's bushes are likely to be cactus.  You'd have to be a pro-level wanker to hide in those.

[Henda]

Thanks a lot fellas, appreciate the kind comments as always.

Not sure what in specific has made me so dark the last few months just been thinking more and with me that’s not good haha. Prob just time and thinking of time and what is to become of everything in time. Also the summer ending always kills me so that added on isn’t helping.

Summer ending is always shit and depressing mate fucking hate when it’s over