Iron brothers, it is to my immense shame that I will admit to keeping a trophy cabinet featuring millions of former conquests in various compromising positions. It is a pin-protected private folder on my phone, that I like to use as a masturbatory aid for when times get tough, and as a reminder of how much I've achieved in life.
I know Allah is ashamed of me, but I confess now to sneaking back to it from time to time, like a young Jeffrey Dahmer admiring the skulls of the hapless benders he brutalized. I have been psyching myself up to delete it for a long time now, and I will, but I am certain that doing so is going to cause me great physical pain. I’d rather hand over my children to social services than say goodbye to some of those photos.
