GOT IN A FIGHT – SOME GUYS JUMPED ME AND MY WIFE

[Dingleberry]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


(Before you read this story, you need to read this one first - http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=70208.0 My story is a satire of his. Thanks for the inspiration Alexxx)

My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

[gordiano]

Way to go Iron Brother!

[JamieX4200]

You left out the part where the guy with the knife, in one swift movement, slices open your carotid and jugular, causing you to bleed out in under two minutes.

Lifting weights didn't teach you shit about street-fighting, but if it's any consolation, you were a "massive corpse". 

[LuciusFox]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who is was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

 Bullshit

[D-Jay]

that was by far.......the best post I've ever seen on this board!!!

[Harry R. M. Pitts]

whoaaa dude!!!  now tell the truth that your wife had to kick their asses not you.

[War-Horse]

Good post ding.  I was laughing all the way thru.

[sarcasm]

fucking asshole i spit food on my computer screen.

[LuciusFox]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

 Hahahahaha...priceless Are you Victorian Guy?

[ManBearPig...]

you owned those motherfuckers!!

[Bast175]

Did you have any gay sex?  what a lame story.

[RAT MCBAT]

Good post ding.  I was laughing all the way thru.

Hahahahaha...priceless Are you Victorian Guy?

we nedd victorian guy back on this board. he said he was banned here. he used to post on bb.com          NOBBY !!!

[LuciusFox]

we nedd victorian guy back on this board. he said he was banned here. he used to post on bb.com          NOBBY !!!

 What was he banned for?

[Ex Coelis]

is this what the fight looked like? You're Jerome, he's Nickolas Pettis

&search=le%20banner

[Dingleberry]

Did you have any gay sex?  what a lame story.

No, that would be your story except it would be of you and your life partner having a candlelight picnic in a San Francisco park. (in a gay lisp, you would say) -"When those sweaty roughriders jumped out, I took my wallet, stuffed it in between my ass cheeks and said ""Come and get it boys""

[Dingleberry]

is this what the fight looked like? You're Jerome, he's Nickolas Pettis

&search=le%20banner

A little, but I was looking a little more full. 

[benchthis]

i cant belive u ate 240's heart 

[240 is Back]

I'm a heartless bastard.  I don't think that's possible.

[HERACLES]

Awesome parody thread..lmao @ Alexx.

[Gordon_Gekko]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

Way to go, Bro! You really showed those pencilneck punks to think twice before stepping to a lifter - at least the one who is still alive, anyway. This just confirms my belief that fighting ability is directly proportional to muscle size, bench press strength, muscle definition, shape, symmetry, proportion, vascularity, tanning, etc.

I only hope that you did the right thing and drank another shake after the fight - preferably with some NitroTech and Acetabolan added to the Cell Tech... That fight had to be quite stressful; and stress can be quite catibolic. Perhaps you should take some measurements and step on the scale before going to bed to see if you've lost any size.

[Rottmag]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

[JOHN MATRIX]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

THIS WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!

[JOHN MATRIX]

Hahahahaha...priceless Are you Victorian Guy?

i always wondered what happened to Victorian Guy, his stories were the best by far.

[Iago]

Too bad they didn’t know I lifted.


My wife and I had a wonderful dinner last night at a nice little Italian restaurant. I had been low-carb dieting lately so this meal really hit the spot. Not to mention, before even going to eat I drank a cell-tech shake. Needless to say I was pumped, pimped, and on the prowl. My necklace lay between my pecs like a river running through mighty mountains. After leaving, we were walking to the cars when out of nowhere these two guys jump out with a knife and say “gimme your money”. It was a dark alley and the visibility was very poor. Since I was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt that covered my build and it was dark, they obviously had no idea I lifted weights. That would be the biggest mistake on their lives!!!!

I look at the guy with the knife, put my hands on my hips, bounced my pecs, and let out a hearty Viking laugh “HA HA HA, AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!”  It was at that point he knew he had just made the biggest mistake of his life - he had jumped a man who was “one with the Iron”.  I could smell the fresh feces and urine running down his legs as I walked up to him. He just stood there frozen with fear. I stopped about three feet from him and descended into a deep dream state. I pictured myself under a 450lb bench press, getting ready to lift. I could feel my muscles filling with blood. I was ready.

With my eyes still closed, I open-hand jab the guy right in his chest, slicing right though his flesh, grabbing his heart, and ripping it right out of his body. Is it then that I opened my eyes, looked right into his eyes, and took a bite of his still beating heart like I would an apple. I chewed the piece, swallowed, and let out a hearty "AAAAARRRRRRGGGRRH” The motionless man collapsed right there. His friend began screaming but soon passed out from sheer horror.

I dropped the heart, wiped my hand clean on the dead mans shirt, and walked away. As we were getting in our Expedition, the cops showed up with lights and sirens. They were screaming for me to get on the ground. I reached into truck to the floorboard in the back seat and grabbed my weight belt. I then held it high in the air outside the truck and said “I lift”. I could hear one of them say “Don’t shoot, he’s a bodybuilder”, and soon they turned their lights and sirens off.

I asked one of the officers if I could press the swat van for a few reps cause I never really hit failure during the fight. He said sure, so I crawled under the front of the van and knocked out about 15 perfect-form reps. I signed a few autographs and would soon be on my way home with my wife.

Once again, bodybuilding saved my life.

interesting homoerotic fantasy.  I find the fact you left out the part where you plundered each others colons out rather telling.

[mikediesel]

This was a fucken gay story, way to clog up the board