Wes, I missed to say in the other thread about the pancreas, that it's good to see you fighting with a never quit attitude. I've been having dark days and I see you have it really tough but you are still here, even posting on getbig LOL. I've recently been debating whether, if I have really bad pains, it's better to just die at home rather than check into a hospital. I was going crazy last time hooked up to IVs and catheters 24/7 with the round the clock blood draws and bad food and and all the rest of the shit for weeks. If they keep you drugged up then maybe you can stand it for a while. I had a doc with a nasty attitude too, he said if I want the pain to go away then ask them to remove the pancreas all together. He was kind of smirking when he said it 
I know you said you have your valiums but they're really restrictive with them with me, same with the pain killers. Not that I want to get hooked on them either, it's a catch 22 situation, pain or risk addiction. I'm trying some gabapentin on Rx now which is not a narcotic to see if it helps some of the pains 
I'm keeping a little testosterone going with insulin and it's keeping my weight at least. Toujeo (even longer acting Lantus) seems to be very anti-catabolic at a low baseline dose.
Thanks Van and yes the pain is almost unbearable.......especia
lly in the beginning stages......I stayed awake for 2 nights cuz I was scared that if I fell asleep I wouldn`t wake up again.
I had Colitus once,lost 40 pounds,looked like a corpse, and then as suddenly as it came on,it just left and I regained my health and put my pounds back on.
Well this time with the Pancreatic Cancer I held out for 3 weeks before I went to the ER.......I kept telling myself that it was flashback pains from the Colitus which does happen but I knew better.....I was scared is all.
When I finally did go to the ER the doc told me I was insane to wait as long as I did and told me I had a high threshold for pain,then informed me that I had Pancreatic Cancer.
The Vaiums don`t do jackshit for me.... i`ve been on them for decades now, and am almost immune....I can literally take 50 -60 mgs. and still feel no calming effect,but if I lay in bed to watch a movie,I`ll fall asleep.
I have quite a bit of gear but will never do it again....not even TRT cuz I don`t know if it can make a tumor grow along with muscle so fuck that.
Anyway good luck to you brother.
