The Emperor's New Plane
Once upon a time there lived a vain Emperor whose only worry in life was to keep his father happy. He created scares almost every hour and loved to show them off to his people, much to his father's pleasure.
Word of the Emperor's refined habits spread over his kingdom and beyond. Two inventors, born and bred of chains and rum, had heard of the Emperor's desires decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the gates of his fright house with a scheme in mind.
"We are two very good inventors and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to build a plane so terrifying that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too unpatriotic and crazy to appreciate its quality."
The chief of the subtle service heard the inventors' strange story and sent for the secretary of status. The secretary of status notified the thief of staff, who ran to Emperor Shrub and disclosed the incredible news. The Emperor's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two inventors.
"Besides being invisible, your Yaleness, this plane will be delivered to the Pentagon, in fire and smoke created especially for you." The emperor gave the two men 2.3 trillion gold coins in exchange for their promise to begin working on the aircraft immediately.
"Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for an unlimited supply of gags, some Israeli-made fireworks and a Dept of HomePlanned Insecurity. The Emperor thought he had spent his peoples' money quite well; Father would be pleased. In addition to getting a new extraordinary plane, he would discover which of his subjects were unpatriotic and crazy. A few days later, he called the wise crime minister from overseas, who was considered by everyone as a man with great common sense.
"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the Emperor told him, "and come back to let me know."
The crime minister was welcomed by the two scoundrels.
"We're almost finished, but we need a lot more rights. Can we have some of yours? The little man happily obliged, then looked over the hanger and tried to see the plane parts that were not there. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.
"I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm unpatriotic! Or, worse, crazy!" If the crime minister admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his office by the czarliament.
"What a marvelous fuselage, he said then. "I'll certainly tell the Emperor." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More rights were requested to finish the work. Gleefully granted.
The day of zero power had arrived. "Come in," the Emperor ordered. The men obliged.
"Here it is your Highness, the result of our labour," the scoundrels said, pointing at a small hole in a large 5-sided building. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most beautiful plane in the world is ready for you. Look at the wings and see how tall it is." Of course the Emperor did not see any wings and could not see any height at all. Just hole and some disposed rubble. He panicked and felt like fainting. When he realized that no one could know that he did not see the plane, he felt better. Nobody could find out he was unpatriotic and crazy. And the Emperor didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.
"Yes, this is a beautiful plane and it looks good in the Pentagon," the Emperor said, trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."
"Your Majesty," the secretary of status said, "we have a request for you. The people have found out about this extraordinary plane and they are anxious to see it." The Emperor was doubtful showing his new plane to the people, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the unpatriotic and the crazy.
"All right," he said. "I will grant the people this privilege. Bring them to the Pentagon!" He summoned his carriage and the ceremonial parade was formed. A group of dignitaries walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of the people on the lawn. All the people had gathered in the unscathed lawn, pushing and shoving to get a better look. Sirens and cameras welcomed the regal procession. Everyone wanted to know how unpatriotic or crazy his or her neighbor was but, as the Emperor passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.
Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the Emperor's new plane. It's beautiful!"
"What a marvelous fuselage!"
"And the luggage! The colors of the beautifully strews luggage! I have never seen anything like it in my life!" They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the plane, and since nobody was willing to admit his own unpatrioticness and craziness, they all behaved as the two inventors had predicted.
A child, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the building.
"The plane is not here," said little Diligent Bravery.
"Fool!" his professor reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed the child and took him away. But the boy's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:
"The boy is right! There is no plane! It's true!"
The Emperor realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He though it better to continue the procession under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see the plane was either unpatriotic or crazy. And he stood stiffly on his carriage, he tried not to make eye contact with his father.
In the distance, a man in a suit was mailing a powdery letter. Soon the plane would be forgotten... !!
