Author Topic: Why is it that women don't enjoy the pomp and circumstance of a bowel movement? (Read 5195 times)

ieffinhatecardio · « **on:** October 05, 2006, 09:47:16 AM »

The bathroom I use for bowel movements at home is more akin to a reading room than an actual place to deposit human waste. I have it filled with all my magazines, Car and Driver, PC Mag, PC World, Muscle & Fitness, Men's Health, Entrepreneur and two others that I've forgotten the names of. I even bring my girlfriend's magazines in there when I've exhausted my current reading material. In Style makes for excellent bathroom reading, I especially enjoy the celebrity homes they show each month.

Anyway, I can get lost in there for 30 minutes without even trying, one of my legs usually falls asleep at least twice a week. My significant other by contrast is in and out, it literally takes her 2 minutes or less to be completely done and out of the bathroom.

I ask her all the time why she doesn't take more time and enjoy it but she just shakes her head and says that's not what the bathroom is for.

With all the serious threads on this board lately I thought a little levity would lighten things up a bit.

Migs · « **Reply #1 on:** October 05, 2006, 09:57:03 AM »

yup, the bthroom is a speacial place to relax, read and take care of your business. No shit concnerning all the serious threads. Tired of reading about terrorsts and deviant ppoliticians

Dos Equis · « **Reply #2 on:** October 05, 2006, 10:29:22 AM »

My bathroom is a special place too.

It's the one place in my house where the kids cannot bother me. In fact, they're not even allowed to knock on the door when I'm in there.

When we bought our house the toilet in our bathroom was built for a 180 pound toothpick. Way too small. Very uncomfortable. My wife and kids fixed that for me on Father's Day. They made me leave the house for hours. When I returned they placed a homemade crown on my head and led me to the bathroom where a king-sized toilet had been installed and a big sign over the toilet said "Daddy's Throne." Gets me choked up just thinking about it.

ieffinhatecardio · « **Reply #3 on:** October 05, 2006, 10:43:29 AM »

Quote from: Beach Bum on October 05, 2006, 10:29:22 AM

My bathroom is a special place too. It's the one place in my house where the kids cannot bother me. In fact, they're not even allowed to knock on the door when I'm in there.

When we bought our house the toilet in our bathroom was built for a 180 pound toothpick. Way too small. Very uncomfortable. My wife and kids fixed that for me on Father's Day. They made me leave the house for hours. When I returned they placed a homemade crown on my head and led me to the bathroom where a king-sized toilet had been installed and a big sign over the toilet said "Daddy's Throne." Gets me choked up just thinking about it.

LOL, now that is a heartwarming story. Your family must love you quite a bit to give you such a special gift.

Dos Equis · « **Reply #4 on:** October 05, 2006, 10:57:04 AM »

Quote from: ieffinhatecardio on October 05, 2006, 10:43:29 AM

LOL, now that is a heartwarming story. Your family must love you quite a bit to give you such a special gift.

True, true.

I put that toilet up there with my hammock, hammock chair, big screen, and weights as my most cherished earthly possessions.

Migs · « **Reply #5 on:** October 05, 2006, 11:16:42 AM »

that is the most touching and beautiful gift you could get

Eyeball Chambers · « **Reply #6 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:00:15 PM »

Does anyone else spread there ass cheeks apart as they sit down on the toilet? I told someone I did this and they acted like I was a psycho.

ieffinhatecardio · « **Reply #7 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:16:40 PM »

Quote from: Benfun7 on October 05, 2006, 12:00:15 PM

Does anyone else spread there ass cheeks apart as they sit down on the toilet? I told someone I did this and they acted like I was a psycho.

Depends on how lean I am but yes, when I'm not dieting I do that. It makes clean up that much easier.

Butterbean · « **Reply #8 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:29:04 PM »

Quote from: ieffinhatecardio on October 05, 2006, 09:47:16 AM

With all the serious threads on this board lately I thought a little levity would lighten things up a bit.

God bless you effin

Quote from: Beach Bum on October 05, 2006, 10:29:22 AM

When we bought our house the toilet in our bathroom was built for a 180 pound toothpick. Way too small. Very uncomfortable. My wife and kids fixed that for me on Father's Day. They made me leave the house for hours. When I returned they placed a homemade crown on my head and led me to the bathroom where a king-sized toilet had been installed and a big sign over the toilet said "Daddy's Throne." Gets me choked up just thinking about it.

LOL!

Quote from: Benfun7 on October 05, 2006, 12:00:15 PM

Does anyone else spread there ass cheeks apart as they sit down on the toilet? I told someone I did this and they acted like I was a psycho.

Most people on this board realize that women neither fart nor poop, but if I did, yes, the ass-cheek spread would have merit.

Quote from: ieffinhatecardio on October 05, 2006, 09:47:16 AM

I ask her all the time why she doesn't take more time and enjoy it but she just shakes her head and says that's not what the bathroom is for.

It seems that the actual evacuation for men may take a long period of time. Maybe men in their daily routine decide, "Now is time to defecate" even though it's not a pressing situation in the form of a turtle head or anything like that. So he squeezes out a turd here, reads for 5 minutes and out comes another turd and so on and so on. Perhaps for women it's more of a situation where she waits until she definitely has to go, and then the entire product shoots out at lightening speed. The only time taken is in careful wiping until no more poop is seen on the toilet paper. Perhaps this is why only men get skid marks.

scooter · « **Reply #9 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:33:15 PM »

Quote from: Benfun7 on October 05, 2006, 12:00:15 PM

Does anyone else spread there ass cheeks apart as they sit down on the toilet? I told someone I did this and they acted like I was a psycho.

yes!!! i was wondering that same thing

Migs · « **Reply #10 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:34:05 PM »

lol stella. u kill me sometimes

Butterbean · « **Reply #11 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:40:48 PM »

OK, do you guys do this?

My friend kept plugging up my toilet when he would poop at my house. I told him to flush as it was coming out so later he could successfully flush again when more came out.

He looked kind of sad and said, "But I like to see how much it amounts to in total."

a_joker10 · « **Reply #12 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:41:25 PM »

Stella,

We only sit when we poo. It is an occasion deserving a ceremony.

Women sit for both. I think that is what leads to lesse faire attitude about it.

Butterbean · « **Reply #13 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:42:32 PM »

Quote from: a_joker10 on October 05, 2006, 12:41:25 PM

Stella,

We only sit when we poo. It is an occasion deserving a ceremony.

Women sit for both. I think that is what leads to lesse faire attitude about it.

lol.....thanks this DOES explain a lot

ieffinhatecardio · « **Reply #14 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:50:51 PM »

Quote from: STella on October 05, 2006, 12:29:04 PM

God bless you effin

LOL!

Most people on this board realize that women neither fart nor poop, but if I did, yes, the ass-cheek spread would have merit.

It seems that the actual evacuation for men may take a long period of time. Maybe men in their daily routine decide, "Now is time to defecate" even though it's not a pressing situation in the form of a turtle head or anything like that. So he squeezes out a turd here, reads for 5 minutes and out comes another turd and so on and so on. Perhaps for women it's more of a situation where she waits until she definitely has to go, and then the entire product shoots out at lightening speed. The only time taken is in careful wiping until no more poop is seen on the toilet paper. Perhaps this is why only men get skid marks.

That is almost copied verbatim from what she tells me. I find it sad really, you women don't realize the joy you're missing out on.

Oh, always wipe until you see no more and then wipe with tp that has been moistened and then do one final wipe with dry tp. No skid marks here.

Migs · « **Reply #15 on:** October 05, 2006, 12:52:30 PM »

dry,wet, dry is the way to go

Butterbean · « **Reply #16 on:** October 05, 2006, 01:18:47 PM »

or until you bleed

Slippedisc · « **Reply #17 on:** October 05, 2006, 03:54:39 PM »

i always wipe my ass then smell the toilet paper to make sure i'm healthy

true story

of course we look in the bowl

just in case we shit something important out, like a kidney or some other organ

bmacsys · « **Reply #18 on:** October 05, 2006, 03:59:14 PM »

How can anyone not appreciate taking a serious dump? It beats me. The first thing I taught my son was the importance of having ample reading material in the can.

Butterbean · « **Reply #19 on:** October 05, 2006, 04:34:21 PM »

Quote from: Slippedisc on October 05, 2006, 03:54:39 PM

i always wipe my ass then smell the toilet paper to make sure i'm healthy

true story

of course we look in the bowl

just in case we shit something important out, like a kidney or some other organ

lol....no need to do abs at the gym

OK Slippy, so you sniff the toilet paper to make sure you're healthy....

can you give us a breakdown of health levels and the difference in smells?

Camel Jockey · « **Reply #20 on:** October 05, 2006, 04:45:37 PM »

To my experience women are fucking bathroom hogs.

pumpster · « **Reply #21 on:** October 05, 2006, 05:36:33 PM »

Quote

Anyway, I can get lost in there for 30 minutes without even trying, one of my legs usually falls asleep at least twice a week.

1/2 an hour? That is pathetic; not something to actually admit. Sounds like a real party to be around. $:-\$

Quote

My wife and kids fixed that for me on Father's Day. They made me leave the house for hours. When I returned they placed a homemade crown on my head and led me to the bathroom where a king-sized toilet had been installed and a big sign over the toilet said "Daddy's Throne." Gets me choked up just thinking about it.

Good thing to be known for.

Quote

i always wipe my ass then smell the toilet paper to make sure i'm healthy

true story

of course we look in the bowl

Really enjoying the bouquet-he doesn't even realize he's got a thing for scat. TMI

Bigger Business · « **Reply #22 on:** October 05, 2006, 05:40:09 PM »

ever pooped out worms?

Oldschool Flip · « **Reply #23 on:** October 05, 2006, 05:56:54 PM »

Ah, the 3 times a day I get to sit on the toilet are the most relaxing. Again you must have reading material or a TV in the bathroom (13 inch screen) if ESPN Sportscenter or NFL Network Total Access is on. And I go like clock work, about 9:30 am, 2:00 pm and 8:00pm everynight. A must though is to have COTTONELLE Wipes or the Costco Kirkland Wipes to make sure no crap is stuck on your ass. Dry toilet paper just don't clean as well. I wouldn't just wipe my hands with a paper towel after I used the bathroom, so why just use dry toilet paper? Gotta at least get a decent "wet wash".

Lord Humungous · « **Reply #24 on:** October 05, 2006, 06:09:49 PM »

This could be the coolest thread ever!!! I have taken many a 30 minute dump. I ONLY read when im on the pot with little or no exception( sorry Stella!

) Some of my best moments of clairity come into being while pinching a loaf. My wife often gets pissed at me and yells "for Gods sake dont be all day"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!