I wonder what it feels like to be like most people here who couldn’t imagine what it’s like to feel this way. Mia be great. Enjoy that. I can’t think of a truly happy time in my life and know I never will. So who fucking cares. I’d rather be asleep forever and never get up again. Imagine no thought, no stress,no anger,no pain, no nothing. Ahhhhhhhh. Peace. Never had peace.

The essence of consciousness, pure being, cannot be killed. To know one's true identity as already formless brings freedom from suffering. Every night we plunge into the absolute albeit unconsciously. People who cannot sleep deeply suffer because of it, but few would say or science be willing to accept that without transcendental meditation mental health suffers but it really does. That's what suicide is about, transcending suffering or trying to. Better buck up and meditate like a warrior and care for those who love you, to live a long life and eventually go out on one's shield and straight to Valhalla. According to sources of wisdom suicide casts the soul into even worse torment, when we have nightmares we feel relieved to come back to the body awareness, suicide would be like being stuck in a horror show with no way out for what seems like a long time, but eventually the soul will taste a bit of relief before being cast into a life where the circumstances could well be worse than before, thats what makes sense to me anyway.

I shagged a girl once on the beach, a former bikinii competitor. Actually I have shagged a few broads on da beach.  She had alot of trauma and had being abused badly. I was not up for a long term relationship though, a few years later she topped herself and I wondered for a while about it and felt bad.

Feast was a comedy horror film.  First one was awesome, the next two went downhill 50% each time.

Brotherhood of the Wolf was more an action film than a horror film.  Why would they call it that?

Antlers sucked.  The rest I have never heard of.

A guy I went to high school with had a younger sister that killed herself after he graduated.  But their home life was REALLLLLLLLLLYYYYY fucked up with all this religious crap.  They were basically prisoners.  When she saw what happened after he left for college, she couldn't take it anymore and didn't want that future for herself and killed herself.

Ok, I will elaborate further for those in DMs.  And then you can decide if she was validated in taking her own life.   When I was in high school there was this guy Corey who was a year ahead of me.  His sister was a couple years younger.  Their home life was really fucked up.  I mean FUCKED UP.  Their parents were super religious.  But it wasn't a religion that I know of.  Not a certain branch or anything.  Corey would never talk about it.  But their parents believed Satan was in anything and everything.  Always trying to corrupt them.  They didn't even have a TV in the house because that was "how Satan was trying to enter their home".  No radio.  Christmas?  Didn't celebrate it.  Thanksgiving?  Nope.  Halloween?  Are you kidding.  Corey was 17 as a senior and had never been to a movie theater, never celebrated his birthday or gone to a classmate's birthday party, never had toys like GI Joe, Transformers, He Man, etc.. (they were from the devil) or even had a lunch from the school cafeteria.  They would wake up and have "worship service", breakfast and then to school.  Home and doing homework, dinner at 6pm followed by "worship service" and then in bed by 8.   At lunch time the two of them (he and his sister) had to sit in an empty classroom and eat lunch they brought from home.  You know how Mondays are the day every high school student dreads?  Well in this case, Corey loved Monday because then he could ask about the TV shows we were watching and movies we had seen over the weekend.  Never had a pair of Nikes because Michael Jordan only worshipped money.  Never been to Disney World because it was "all a trick to enslave children by Satan".  It was BAD!!!

Ok, so Corey graduated and was accepted by the University of Georgia.  You would think that at this point, his life would just be starting.  That he would have all these amazing college experiences and such.  No.  He left for college and his father went with him.  They had a small apartment a mile from campus and lived there together.  Following the same routine.  Waking, worship, school, lunch from home, back home early dinner, worship and then bed.

Corey's sister was just as miserable as he was.  But her hope and saving grace was that she was going to college and then could to do what she wanted.  Then she saw that their father went with Corey.  And her mother was planning to do the same with her when she graduated and went to college (move in and live together).  She was in the ninth grade at that time while I was a senior and just decided she couldn't go through another 3 years of high school and 4 years of college under than control.  Especially since her brother was the only outlet she had for talking and feeling normal and he was no longer around.  So she made her exit.

Now some people can say they understand how overwhelmed and depressed she was.  Others say that had she stuck it out another 7 years and finished college, she could say fuck off and go do whatever she wanted with her life.  But 7 years is a long time when you are in a position like that. 

Granted, once she decided and acted upon her decision  there was no going back and no second guesses.  No take backsies or second chances.  By expecting her to wait until she finished college it was like condemning her to further mental torture and abuse.   After Corey graduate from high school, I never saw him again.  Sometimes I wonder how he is doing and how he turned out.

I am amazed at the number of people on here who are struggling with mental health issues and have thought of ending it.  It is always good to reach out to someone if you are feeling this way. 

/end Matt C post