PART II OF THE SQUADFATHER GETBIG INTERVIEW
GB: So last interview, we established that you are a big time stud with the opposite sex...
SF: ...Yeah, the opposite sex, that’s right...
GB: And that you are a expert in bodybuilding training techniques...
SF: ...I’m a bodybuilding god, or so some claim...
GB: Let’s concentrate now on your postings on Getbig. At last count, you’ve created over 700 topics and have over 13,000 posts. That is impressive! How do you find the time?
SF: Hey, I take my online ridiculing seriously. When I had a job, I would actually spend 3 or 4 hours of my day checking the boards and posting. It was a big hassle, you know, ‘cause I kept getting fryer grease on my laptop. It isn’t good for the keyboard. Now that I am free from working for “the man”, I can devote anywhere from 15 – 22 hours trolling Getbig.
GB: 15 to 20 hours?!? My god! You are serious. When do you sleep?
SF: Sleep is overrated. I find that I am actually sharpest around the 18th hour of my day. The zinger’s just keep coming. Some of my best posts have been created at that time. Great ones like, “Hahahahaha, look at these bench shirt clowns!!!!!!!!!”, “HAHAHAHA check out this post!!!!”, “SCARIEST FEMALE BODYBUILDER PIC EVER!!!!”, “Hahahaha, this guy claims his arms are 18 inches!!!!!!!”, “WHAT KIND OF PANTIES ARE THESE SWEETIE?
?”, “IS ANYONE HERE INTO BB'ING OR LIFTING?
??”, “Brutal 4 inch leg presses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and one of my favorites, “Hahahahaha, look at this assclown!!!!!!!!!”
GB: Those are classics. Ha, ha...
SF: And those don’t include the great ones that I created to slap down Scott Markey and Derek Anthony. Bitches!!!!
GB: Let’s touch on that a minute. You’ve entered possibly hundreds of postings about these two bodybuilders. Why the obsession?
SF: Because they are gay! I can’t stand gays. They creep me out. Anthony just denies that he does gay-for-pay and strips for men, when I know that he does it. One of these days, he is going to come to my city and I am going to expose him for what he is. I’ve been saving up singles, so when he comes to dance near me, I can go down to the strip club and pose as a fan and get some pictures to expose him for what he is. If I can, I’ll even proposition him and get him to come back to my basement by offering him money for sex. That’ll prove what he is! That is how dedicated I am to the Getbig crew. I am willing to do what it takes to expose this muscley, stripper, G4Per, no matter how dirty I get.
GB: And Markey?
SF: He’s a homo too and a pretty boy. And he is too damn built to have done it naturally! He parades around with his muscular, buff body and denies that he uses steroids. What a laugh! I have used steroids and GH and I know what it can do. My body is proof of that! Markey is just too pretty to take seriously as a bodybuilder, with his glossy, glamour shots and bulging muscles, his tan body, his fine butt...EXCUSE ME!!!!!
GB: (
At this point, Squadfather ran to his bathroom and slammed the door shut. I can only describe the sounds that emanated from the bathroom as a cross between a monkey molesting a sheep and a chicken passing a watermelon. The moans and groans culminated in what sounded like “Oh Scott, yeah, do me...” followed by a long groan of satisfaction. When Squadfather returned, he was, if possible, more pale and wan than before and had a large wet stain in the front of his pants.) Are you okay?
SF: Yeah, yeah, fine. I just had to take a major crap. You know how it is when you spend hours on end “feeding your muscles”. It takes tons of food to build and maintain this physique and sometimes it come back on you.
GB: I understand. So you were saying?
SF: Anthony and Markey have nothing on me. I am more man than they will ever be. I am like the Bill O’Reilly of Getbig, exposing people for what they are. It’s why I devote so much time online. I am willing to put aside my life in the pursuit of truth in the virtual world, even if it makes me look like an ass! I am the Getbig god! Fear my wrath! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!!
GB: Okayyyyyy Squadfather. Thank you for your time. We look forward to interviewing you on the occasion of your 25,000th Getbig post, due, I am sure in a week or so.
