SUSTECH-X
DOUBLE YOUR BENCH! TRIPLE YOUR SIZE! QUADRUPLE YOUR PROTEIN SYNTHESIS!
Study cites newly altered branch-chain amino acid as proof that GROWTH can occur up to SIX TIMES FASTER!
Our elite team of researchers FN1 discovered that if they manipulated the hexamethone carbon molecule FN3 at the tail end of the protein aromatase-inhibitors FN3, they could actually cause the H-cells to Triple in size FN4, while at the same time obliterating FN5 the fat cells within a two-block radius FN6.
Fn1: Our elite team of researchers are actually the children of our CEO who study chemistry at North Miami Beach High School in Mr. Zimmer's class. We call them 'elite' because they all scored 4/5 or better on their AP exams, and no one has caused any serious explosions in the classroom during summer sessions.
Fn2: There's no such thing as a hexamethone carbon molecule, but you'd have to be on our elite team of researchers to know that!
Fn3: We've actually found that use of the word 'inhibitors' increases sales volume by 330%. Inhibitors. Inhibitors. Inhibitors.
Fn4: By using the term "H-cells" and "Triple" within three words of each other, we are subliminally causing teenagers to see "Triple H" and get an unpaid for endorsement of our useless product by a WWE idol.
Fn5: The Market Research Group (MRG) published studies showing that using the word "obliterate" over "eliminate" or "eradicate" is up to 7x more effective in convincing morons of a product's efficacy. By the way, the Market Research Group (MRG) is owned by our CEO's wife.
Fn6: Isn't it amazing that the same guys who smoked dope, dropped out of high school, sold drugs, and are now in the supplement industry have suddenly become Nobel-prize winning chemists capable of altering our DNA and manipulating cell volume and protein synthesis? Our team of elite researchers, in a joint study with the renowned Marketing Research Group, found that you can consistently fool 50% of the people 100% of the time. Feel free to stop by our offices overlooking the beach in Malibu to see the full report or just send an SASE to 33280 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA 90330 for your copy of this FREE REPORT!