Personal grooming

[BayGBM]

I have a friend who is always complaining about not getting past the first date.  I think I know why: he has very poor grooming habits.  He is a naturally hairy guy but does not stay on top of it.  He has male pattern baldness; he looks good the day he gets his hair cut and a couple days after but two weeks later it looks like shit.  He needs a haircut every week but thinks he can get by with it once a month--he can't! 

He has lots of hair growing out of his ears usually with obvious ear wax build up.  Anyone who sits next to him can see this and it is very unattractive.  Twice in the past,  I have suggested to him that he needed a haircut but he dismissed it as unnecessary.

The worst part is he does not like to shower every day.  In casual conversation he mentioned to me once that showering dries out his skin so he prefers to skip a day when he can get away with it. Um, yuck!


Similarly, I have a lady friend who (I think) needs a deodorizing feminine wash at certain times of the month.

How do you communicate these things to someone you care about without being offensive?  Is it my place to even raise these topics.

[Rimbaud]

Get really drunk & tell them how you really feel. That usually works for me. 

[BayGBM]

Don't you ladies have any thoughts on this?

[24KT]

Do it anonymously

[BayGBM]

Do it anonymously

Is that really the best approach?  If the person in question learned, intuited, or guessed I was the sender I think it could cause a lot of damage.  Is that how you would want to be told?

[24KT]

Is that really the best approach?  If the person in question learned, intuited, or guessed I was the sender I think it could cause a lot of damage.

 

You seem uncomfortable with the idea of telling your friend, but at the same time, you also want your friend to know.

Is that how you would want to be told?

   Good Grief! If I had those types of issues, and wasn't aware of them, I'd want to know.
If my friend couldn't bring themselves to sit me down and tell me, ...then sure, ...tell me anonymously,
but for goodness sakes if you're any kind of a friend, don't leave them in the dark, tell them, ...even if anonymously.

[24KT]

ummm, ...Bay, ...ahh, ...you're not trying to tell me something are you?

[Princess L]

I have a friend who is always complaining about not getting past the first date. 

How do you communicate these things to someone you care about without being offensive?  Is it my place to even raise these topics.

Right there is your opportunity.  You're not raising the topic, they are.  I have no doubt that you would be extremely tactful and helpful.  Maybe even suggest a new hair salon.  Many full service salons "take care of" those things.

[24KT]

Right there is your opportunity.  You're not raising the topic, they are.  I have no doubt that you would be extremely tactful and helpful.  Maybe even suggest a new hair salon.  Many full service salons "take care of" those things.

The problem is they don't do it for free, ...and if this guy doesn't realize it's a problem, he may not be willing to pay for it.

[Butterbean]

Right there is your opportunity.  You're not raising the topic, they are.  I have no doubt that you would be extremely tactful and helpful.  Maybe even suggest a new hair salon.  Many full service salons "take care of" those things.

I agree.  Next time your male friend brings up the topic just tell him what the problems may be.  I'm sure you'd be more tactful than me but depending on how close you are as a friend just say, "You need to shower daily, not every other day.  And go to X Salon and have them trim the hair in your ears....it collects visible wax.  Keep your head shaved.  The ladies like a clean well-groomed man."

As for your female friend, is she terribly overweight?  She must not be showering every day or even once a week or something   Just say to her something like, "Do you smell that?  Is that me?  Is that you?  Yes, I think it's you (and then point to where you think the smell is coming from)......you need to shower!"   Can you get away w/something like that?

The other option is to get these two together.  Maybe they're both "hard of smelling."

[BayGBM]

As for your female friend, is she terribly overweight?  She must not be showering every day or even once a week or something   Just say to her something like, "Do you smell that?  Is that me?  Is that you?  Yes, I think it's you (and then point to where you think the smell is coming from)......you need to shower!"   Can you get away w/something like that?

I would never have the nerve to say or do something like that.  How could any one hear that sort of thing and not be terribly offended?

btw, she is not the least bit overweight.  And the issue only comes up once a month which lead me to assume... well, you know.

[Butterbean]

I would never have the nerve to say or do something like that.  How could any one hear that sort of thing and not be terribly offended?

I'm pretty much a tactless clown w/my friends and I can get away w/stuff like that for some reason (I truly don't intend to offend) but if I didn't know her well I probably wouldn't say anything at all.  She may need to see a doctor though, that is not normal.

[24KT]

I would never have the nerve to say or do something like that.  How could any one hear that sort of thing and not be terribly offended?

btw, she is not the least bit overweight.  And the issue only comes up once a month which lead me to assume... well, you know.

   Tell her to go see a doctor FAST! 

[Vet]

I have a friend who is always complaining about not getting past the first date.  I think I know why: he has very poor grooming habits.  He is a naturally hairy guy but does not stay on top of it.  He has male pattern baldness; he looks good the day he gets his hair cut and a couple days after but two weeks later it looks like shit.  He needs a haircut every week but thinks he can get by with it once a month--he can't! 

He has lots of hair growing out of his ears usually with obvious ear wax build up.  Anyone who sits next to him can see this and it is very unattractive.  Twice in the past,  I have suggested to him that he needed a haircut but he dismissed it as unnecessary.

The worst part is he does not like to shower every day.  In casual conversation he mentioned to me once that showering dries out his skin so he prefers to skip a day when he can get away with it. Um, yuck!


Similarly, I have a lady friend who (I think) needs a deodorizing feminine wash at certain times of the month.

How do you communicate these things to someone you care about without being offensive?  Is it my place to even raise these topics.

That dude sounds like a roommate I had in college----we were friends in highschool, so it seemed like a good idea to room together in the dorms.  It wasn't a good idea.  I'm not the neatest person and neither was he, so I figured it wouldn't be a bad thing..... I was wrong.  The fat bastard didnt bathe but once a week, smoked cigarettes like a chimney, and lived playing MUDD and drinking Jose Quervo.   My wife (who was dating at the time) took to spraying him with Lysol when he was asleep.   He'd be passed out on his bed drunk and she'd unload half a can of Lysol all over him.  The air would be blue with the haze of Lysol.  then she'd sit the can on my side of the room in plain sight.  He never woke up while she was spraying him down, but he did ask me once why his bed smelled like Lysol.   I told him it was because you are a smelly bastard.   He still didn't bathe more than once a week.  You'd think he would have gotten the hint. 

[24KT]

 He still didn't bathe more than once a week.  You'd think he would have gotten the hint. 

That's the big problem with people like that, ...you can't hint, you gotta hit 'em straight between the eyes,
...and sometimes even then they still don't get it.

My philosophy: If it bothers you that much, then say something about it. It you don't want to say anything,
...then it obviously doesn't bother you enough to warrant complaining, so either speak up, ...or shut up!