marriage is an absolutely lose all around situation unless she is bringing something seriously substantial to the table, like a massive trust fund.
I made the mistake of getting married... shit I lived with my ex for several years before even considering it, things went downhill so fucking fast my head was spinning. the relationship literally tanked within months of getting married (ie they feel they finally landed you for good so they don't bother to try at anything anymore).
most epic waste of time and effort and money on my part. getting divorced was probably the best thing that will ever happen to me.
The way I see it, there are at least 5 mistakes that usually spell DOOM to a marriage:
Mistake #1 - Shacking up. From what I've seen personally (and a few studies here and there), folks who shack up first are more likely to end up divorce than those who don't.
Mistake #2 - (Lack of) Marriage Counseling. I've often used the analogy this way: Marriage is to dating/having a girlfriend as winning the Super Bowl is to winning the NFC/AFC championship. The expectations go way up. It's a whole different level. That's why it's important to get marriage counseling. You have to know what the expectations are, for yourself and for your spouse. Some churches offer marriage counseling (in fact, some require it, before they'll perform the ceremony). The problem is that it's easily circumvented.
I don't know if there is a non-religious form of marriage counseling (for our non-Christians folks here; maybe some of these "humanist centers" provide something to that effect); but, preparation for what should be the biggest step in your life puts you on the inside track to a successful marriage.
Mistake #3 - Unrealistic expectations. You aren't Superman; your wife-to-be ain't Wonder Woman. Too many people have skeletons in their closet and jacked up homes and problems. They expect their wives/husbands to deliver them from the demons of the past. And when they can't, it's divorce time. As one pastor said so eloquently, "If you don't bring happiness into a marriage, you will not get happiness in a marriage". Contrary to that corny like in "Jerry Macquire", you can't complete your wife and your wife can't complete you.
Mistake #4 - Lack of Forgiveness and Humility. Sometimes, you'll be right and sometimes, you'll be wrong. Don't lord your wife's mistakes over her, because Lord knows you won't like it, if she does the same to you (when you screw up). If you're going to forgive her, then do just that: Forgive her and move forward.
Mistake #5: Financial irresponsibilty. Call me old-fashioned. But, I still believe the husband is the leader of the home and it is HIS responsibility to take care of his family (whether his wife works or not). And, the key word is LEADER, not tyrant, not overlord. With that said, making financial decisions, without your wife's counsel, is just plain DUMB. I know personally, I've saved myself a lot of headache, by listening to my wife's advice, before making certain decisions. You may not always agree. But, it's about working together. My wife has not worked full-time in over 5 years (partially, because we have 4-year old daughter). She wants to be home with her; and I want my baby girl to be with her mother, NOT at a day care center.
If both wife and husband work, the goal should be to make that you can live comfortably on ONE salary. If it takes both salaries to get by, chances are you are living WAY beyond your means, a potentially DEADLY scenario (especially in this economy).
That's my take on the situation. If you look at some failed marriages, more often than not, the issues I've listed are part of the reason those nuptials have gone south.
Edit - There's also that phrase, "You can't make a 'ho' a housewife". Sometimes, we guys make HORRIBLE choices for girlfriends. If you can't bring her home to Mom and Dad, if you can't see spending the next 50 years with her, if you can't see her being the mother of your children or representing you by carrying YOUR LAST NAME, if something tells you that she isn't wifey material.....END THE RELATIONSHIP (I don't care how round her booty is, or how huge her breastists be). As it says in Proverbs, "Charm is deceitful; and beauty is fleeting". You get a girl with a flawed character and destructive nature, and you'll be utterly MISERABLE, no matter how fine she is.
