I might've shared my worst hogging story with you fellas here before, but here it goes:
1. the frat house is across the street from the most expensive private dorm on campus ( translation: hot rich freshmen chicks)
2. on Saturdays, we'd bring the couch out on the front lawn like neggers and drink and hoot and holler and invite chicks over (ah college, it actually worked every time, college chicks love attention and shitty beer)
3. i'm heckling this one hot chick, she goes "ok, i'll come over, let me just grab my roommate, we'll both come over"
4. as i'm imagining the various poses i'll do in this unevitable threesome, she brings out her roomate
5. roommate strongly resembled a Mastodon with a blonde wig
6. i'm shitfaced
7. it's noon, the official time the bars open, one of the guys from the house is working (translation: free booze all day)
8. go to bar, i'm ignoring the mastodon, still spitting game at the hot chick
9. more shitfaced
10. i wake up with the mastodon sucking my penis
11. i panic, say "i gotta go"
12. she goes "where are you going? this is your room"
13. "important frat stuff"
14. "it's 8 am on a sunday"
15. "maybe you should go"
16. about 15 dudes or so stumbling around the house, some just coming home, the nerds who stayed up all night studying, etc.
17. the event is seen by all
18. i get absolutely fucking pwned for the next 2 weeks, i mean people yelling "her belt buckle was the size of a fucking dinner plate!" across the quad and what not
19. i get an email "get yourself checked out, i live on Mastodon's floor and she has a lot of STD's, we had a floor meeting and all got tested"
20. i do nothing....now almost 7 years later , i still wonder if she gave me something
21. after that night, i never got on anything over 120 lbs ever again
