That's a painful story as well. I don't even want to start because I haven't got over the way he died and never will. Just seeing someone you love suffer hurts me still to this day. I just want to remember the good/happy times but sometimes I think of the sad times too.
Completely understandable. Us living organisms sometimes have it rough whether it be our own bodies that ultimately destroy us, some unforeseen consequence or mistake that does us in or even by our own hands. The Universe is indifferent to our suffering, but as sentient, intelligent beings we do not have to be indifferent to it. This is also a double-edged sword as all of us cannot stand to be powerless in the face of any type of suffering, especially when there is nothing we can do and someone is begging us to help.
The last thing my mother said to me before she died was, "I`m so scared, I`m so scared" over and over and over. The feeling of not being able to intervene or do anything at all in the face of suffering plagues us all. I hope you don`t dwell too much upon this though as the sun still shines for us my dear.