Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...

[Donny]

I remember a friend telling me he met a chic at a Disco and went outside to get his "jollys" .. anyway he said it was dark and he fumbled around her arse and pussy area and felt something on his hand .. he cuddled her close so she could not see his hand behind her back...he smelled his fingers and he told me it was shit on his hands. i said what the fuck did you do?..he laughed and said i just got a bit of head

[Ronnie Rep]

Was driving home from a long session of training legs and it hit me my stomach was cramping bad, had to go, but held it in and drove faster to get home. Got pulled over by a cop for speeding... Couldn't hold it any longer so crapped all over my pants and sitting there sweating and shit all over my ass and felt it on the seat as well. Cop comes over and the usual license and registration, I hand it over and at this time I know he can smell the stench... Asked what's the hurry. Straight out told him I needed to go to the bathroom, he kind of smirks guessing he definitely could smell something funky. After about ten minutes comes back and luckily he let's me off with a warning and saids "you better clean your seat," smiled and left. Felt so embarrassed  as I was sweating still and with me going to the gym combined with fecal smell, sweat and hot summer u can imagine.... Lol, car smelled like shit for over a week.. True story

Cheaper than getting a speeding ticket!

[Tito24]

Ha ha amazing story.

I was at Wal Mart on Christmas Eve getting my mom and dad last minute gift for Christmas. I had to shit so bad, but I thought I could hold it. I got out to the parking lot and completely forgot where I parked  This is a huge Wal Mart parking lot it was completely packed you could barely find a spot. Well I squeezed my ass cheeks together as hard as I could and walked up and down a few rows. I had to go so bad I thought about squatting behind someones car and just letting it rip. Finally I found my car. I was almost in tears the whole way home. I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it" Finally got home sprinted up the stairs right before I hit the toilet a half a turd slipped out into my boxers. Thank god I was at home. What a mess.

rofl

[Butterbean]

Anybody?  Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date.  He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride.  Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car.  As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down.  He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking.  And she is satnding there waving and watching him.  So, he doesnt let on that anything happened.  Sits in his shit, and drives away.  He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster.  The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag.  So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper.  The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still.  He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks.  He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel.  He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame.  We still call him shitbag to this day.

lol

I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it"

hahaha

 I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants".  He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"!

 

[dr.chimps]

Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread.     

[Sam]

I had a mate who stepped in dog shite just as he was entering a girls house on a first date.The poor bastard was only 15 and had to sit there while her dad went mental wondering who dragged a pile of shit over his new white carpet - he followed the trail right back to my mates shoes and threw him out.He never ever took the girl out....  

[syntaxmachine]

Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread.     

A bunch of weak-sphinctered sphincters? Isn't that redundant my dear chimp?

[tommywishbone]

Early 90's. Cult concert. 8-ball of exceedingly strong ya-yo. Laughing hysterically. Mess. end of story.

[dr.chimps]

A bunch of weak-sphinctered sphincters? Isn't that redundant my dear chimp?

Just some wordplay, is all. I'll try again, later.    

[gracie bjj]

Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread.     

i cant hold my bowels at all no more i was driving home from work the other night and tried to hold it but i got a sharp pain in the area between my balls and ass crack that was brutal, i just shit in my pants and kept driving

[Irongrip400]

When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora.  I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.

[gracie bjj]

When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora.  I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.

 

[#1 Klaus fan]

I had a mate who stepped in dog shite just as he was entering a girls house on a first date.The poor bastard was only 15 and had to sit there while her dad went mental wondering who dragged a pile of shit over his new white carpet - he followed the trail right back to my mates shoes and threw him out.He never ever took the girl out....  

Shoes off when entering a house -> shit from outside won't travel inside.

[Primemuscle]

Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."

Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.

[gracie bjj]

i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me

[_bruce_]

Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."

Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.

Haha - pro tip.   

[Donny]

i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me

that sounds nasty..feel for you.

[Primemuscle]

i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me

Surprised she didn't give you walking papers right then and there.

When I was a kid, I was somewhat paranoid about using a public restroom. I rarely used the restrooms at school and never to take a shit. One time when I was still a teenager but able to get served, I was at a bar and had to take a leak. I left the bar and went to a lockable restroom at a gas station rather than take a pee where there would be other dudes peeing too. That's crazy dumb shit. Everyone pees and shits. It shouldn't be such a big deal.

[gracie bjj]

Surprised she didn't give you walking papers right then and there.

When I was a kid, I was somewhat paranoid about using a public restroom. I rarely used the restrooms at school and never to take a shit. One time when I was still a teenager but able to get served, I was at a bar and had to take a leak. I left the bar and went to a lockable restroom at a gas station rather than take a pee where there would be other dudes peeing too. That's crazy dumb shit. Everyone pees and shits. It shouldn't be such a big deal.

i was lucky she didnt, i jumped up real quick and try to hide behind the garbage can. she stared at the shit for a minute and i apoligized and said it will never happen again

[Fortress]

I am 42 and have never shit myself.

Came closest after competing in what was my final bodybuilding contest. Hadn't dropped a load for a week (healthy endeavor, this bodybuilding) and after the contest me and my friends and family went to a Pizza Hut to celebrate. On the drive home, alone, all the pizza and root beer jump-started "things" ... Barely made it. Left the plastic trophy in the truck and Ben-Johnson-ed it to the bathroom.  

I think a majority of people who do shit themselves can attribute such an occurrence to alcohol consumption. Usually seems to be the case.

[ritch]

^^^ true about the alcohol. I've carried out many drunken people who after having passed out, shat themselves. One guy as we were carrying him down the stairs, (because he chooses to wear his pants like the fags today, under his ram hole (bum) had shit pouring out of him. He shat all the was down the stairs and we dumped him in a corner outside.

How lovely it is to be a doorman...

[Nails]

[Fortress]

^^^ true about the alcohol. I've carried out many drunken people who after having passed out, shat themselves. One guy as we were carrying him down the stairs, (because he chooses to wear his pants like the fags today, under his ram hole (bum) had shit pouring out of him. He shat all the was down the stairs and we dumped him in a corner outside.

How lovely it is to be a doorman...

Been there and done that, many times. The doorman part carrying the drunk dude out after he'd shit himself.

When you work as a bouncer, it becomes painfully obvious that, if you wanna avoid having an accident, it's best to avoid 12 bottles of beer and six shots.

Bars and clubs are full of men and women shitting themselves, in the washroom, in their cars on the way home, in their partner's bed, in their pants ...

[Primemuscle]

i was lucky she didnt, i jumped up real quick and try to hide behind the garbage can. she stared at the shit for a minute and i apoligized and said it will never happen again

Maybe the attraction was that you proved you were a "real animal" to her. Some women like their men rough around the edges. That way they can mold them into the fine specimens they become.

[Primemuscle]

I am 42 and have never shit myself.

Came closest after competing in what was my final bodybuilding contest. Hadn't dropped a load for a week (healthy endeavor, this bodybuilding) and after the contest me and my friends and family went to a Pizza Hut to celebrate. On the drive home, alone, all the pizza and root beer jump-started "things" ... Barely made it. Left the plastic trophy in the truck and Ben-Johnson-ed it to the bathroom.  

I think a majority of people who do shit themselves can attribute such an occurrence to alcohol consumption. Usually seems to be the case.

With out a doubt, alcohol messes with our digestive systems, particularly when a person has over-indulged. Coffee can be problematical too.