I realize it was all my fault. I was lying to myself. I looked in the mirror and saw something I wasn't. What I saw was a good looking, built guy. In reality I was skinny fat, now just fat, and ugly as shit. No chin, pushed in face. Repulsive.
A wise man knows his place in life. Mine is not where I was tricking myself into thinking it was. If I don't face emotional feelings anymore then I don't have to deal with them anymore. Worst part is nobody respects me. I figure the only way to gain respect is through fear, and fear through an iron fist. That's what I think anyway.