Movies and tv shows you fapped to before porn

[Primemuscle]

....i remember once i was so turned on i shot a load on my tv screen and rubbed the head of my dork on the tv till i went limp.

Was this a Freudian slip?

[Knooger]

Was this a Freudian slip?

Dork also means penis, hope this helps.

[Primemuscle]

Dork also means penis, hope this helps.

Well, haven't heard this nickname for a penis before now. I never understood why one little body part should have so many nicknames.

-Looked it up and it is a term sometimes used for a whale's penis. The blue whale has the largest penis of any living animal.[1] It is commonly cited as having an average penis length of 8 feet (2.4 m) to 10 feet (3.0 m) and a girth of 12 inches (300 mm) to 14 inches (360 mm). Talk about doing some heavy lifting. One would need a wheelbarrow or a truck to cart a penis this huge around, unless they were a Blue Whale. 

[Irongrip400]

Risky Business

The sex scene in Disclosure

[Karl Kox]

Last night I cracked one off to the movie Precious.

[Knooger]

Last night I cracked one off to the movie Precious.

You should give a shot to Jacob's Ladder. Make sure you have a mop and bucket handy.

[Mr Anabolic]

IMHO, Joyce Dewitt had the best ass in the history of television:

Here ya go...

[LiftEaTsLeEpRePeAt]

sweet valley high

[Knooger]

Crying game and Deliverance.

[Spike]

Nancy was dirty skank that prob liked backdoor action and cleaned the plate when she was finished 

[El Diablo Blanco]

lingerie section of the sears or kmart ads

[Viking11]

None. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition 1977. A very ripe Christie Brinkley, and another hottie whose name escapes me.

[doriancutlerman]

Nowhere to Run. Rosanna Arquette and Van Damme. The sex scene. Her boobies.

Didn't he claim to be from Quebec in that movie?  I'm thinking it co-starred the pervy guy from "Silence of the Lambs," who was also a great mush-mouthed 'tard in "The Hills Have Eyes" remake.  I especially liked when he was set on fire

Rosanna was cute in that movie but very, very skinny; not surprising, really, since she's a chain-smoker and known anorexic (unlike her cute younger sister, who chain-smokes but was always baby-fattish even before she got downright fat for that stupid ghost show).  I definitely don't remember her tits being anything to write home about :?:

But to speak to the thread in general ...

Television:

Clarissa Explains It All (hey, she's a little older than me; it was cool then)

Saved By the Bell (Leah Remini, Lark Voorhies, the curly-headed bitch from the stripper movie, Tiffany-Ann Thiessen ... what's not fappable to that ensemble?)

Scarecrow and Mrs. King.  When I was six, I thought Kate Jackson was nuclear hot.

Northern Exposure.  The barmaid and pilot were both cute as hell.  Later, when Teri Polo came on there ... ooo.  Fapfapfapfap^2.

Dr. Who when Billie Piper was the Doctor's "helper."  I know a screenplay writer, Peter Briggs, who tried to fuck her just to piss off her ex

Some HBO "Life Stories" show that starred the Ally McBeal chick as an anorexic/bulemic high-schooler.  She was hot as hell in that.

Survivor season 2.  Elisabeth Filarski -- 'nuff said.  I don't care how liberal some of you are; if people here say they wouldn't fuck her like there's no tomorrow, you either have extremely poor taste in pussy, are fags or just lying to yourselves.  (Hey, I'm a moderate and I'd knock the bottom out of ultra-lib chicks like Scarlett Johannsen and Eva Longoria given a chance.)

Game of Thrones.  The Khaleesi, Queen Cersei and even that redheaded wildling are riveting, sizzling and hot respectively.  And some of the Khaleesi's handmaidens, like the one played by Roxanne McKee ... *drools uncontrollably*

And let me be among the first to say that Maisie Williams, who portrays Arya Stark, is going to grow up to be a very sexy woman.  She's already approaching her 17th birthday.  I call her the second coming of Emma Watson.  


Movies:

That John Wu movie with Christian Slater and John Travolta.  Something-Arrow that I'm too lazy to look up at IMDB right now.  Samantha Mathis was delectable in that flick.  I'd lick her cervix dry if I could.

Sucker Punch.  Rocket, Sweet Pea, Baby Doll ... I'd die a happy man if smothered by any one of their vaginas

The Mummy.  Rachel whoever never looked better.

The Devil Wears Prada.  I love, love, LOVE Anne Hathaway -- and the bitchy Brit, Emily Blunt's character, was tasty herself.

About anything with Rachel McAdams or Jennifer Aniston, especially comedies like Wedding Crashers and The Break-Up.  Both are fine pieces of ass in my book.

'      ' '           ' with Julianna Margulies or Maura Tierney.  Maura has that girl-next-door appeal, at least for me.  She's not a complete knockout but I think she's really sexy.

Chelsea Handler's Show.  Oops, that belongs in the TV category, but I don't care.  I'd love to take Chelsea up the Hershey Highway.  Sarah Silverman, too.

Resident Evil 2, or whatever it was called.  Sienna Guillory as a cigarette-smoking Jill Valentine (what can I say?  I like bad girls, and girls who smoke, poke, motherfuckers) outshone even Milla Jovovich.

The later Harry Potter movies for Emma Watson, Helena Bonham Carter and Bonnie Wright.  HBC didn't look her best in this film, of course -- she was by far her sexiest in Fight Club -- but she's still imminently fuckable, and both of the girls are cute as all get-out.

Universal Soldier.  Ally Walker.  'Nuff said and, if not, look her sweet ass up.  She was AMAZING and probably still is if you're into GMILF-types

Mid/late 1980s movies with Maria Conchita Alonso; e.g., The Running Game and Extreme Prejudice.  And Maria still looks damned good to me, FTLTIIW.

Chasing Papi.  Insofar as I am aware, that movie was the first time Sofia Vergara entered the North America's collective consciousness.  And I'm proud to say I was fapping to the idea of her a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time before she starred in any shitty laughtrack-ridden U.S. sitcoms ... not that I still wouldn't watch such a show to appreciate such a supremely fine, perfectly crafted, gorgeous pussy goddess.

There was some really cheesy movie with Dolph Lundgren and a gorgeous soap star, Kristian Alfonso I think (?), in which she was so fappablistic it wasn't even funny.  I think it was called One Man Army but, again, I refuse to consult IMDB right now >:{

That made for HBO movie with "lesbians" played by, among others, Michelle Williams and Chloë Sevigny ... their lesbo sex scene was, IMNSHO, one of the best on film -- at least, that I have seen.  It truly, really, honestly seemed REAL.

Chloë Sevigny in her earlier years was smoldering in many of her roles, like Palmetto.  The movie itself was a rather clumsy, even hamfisted effort at imitating a Phillip Marlowe/old school mystery story in the way it unfolded, even down to the stilted dialogue.  But DAMN were the women awesome in it.  Elisabeth Shue, a teenaged, maybe 20-year-old, Chloë Sevigny acting like she's in fucking HEAT = winner for the fappability award.

Body Heat and Kat Turner.  Yep, you read that shit right.  At that time, Kathleen Turner was not only gorgeous, she was a genuine sexpot.  Watch the sex scenes in that movie and tell me it doesn't spark something in you.

... and, finally for now because my girlfriend is due to call, I'm a little drunk on bloodwine AND I have business to tend to in the morning, I'll just mention one more of my all-time favorite sexy actresses:  Juliette Lewis.

Again, no, she isn't the most perfectly-formed woman in the world.  Giselle Bundchen (sp? ... close enough.  I don't think Tom Brady will want to fight me over it ) and ilk will never quake in their expensive boots that Julie's natural form smokes their asses to the there-beyond.  

Then again, that is also part of Juliette's appeal to me.  She is UNIQUE, not a perfect cookie-cutter Playboy Playmate.  And for my money, a cute, very unique-looking woman can score orders of magnitude higher in the "sexy" department, particularly if said girl has an awesome personality to match.

[---]

Body Heat and Kat Turner.  Yep, you read that shit right.  At that time, Kathleen Turner was not only gorgeous, she was a genuine sexpot.  Watch the sex scenes in that movie and tell me it doesn't spark something in you.

she was hot in that movie, a real fuckpuppet.

[bradistani]

madonna. you quickly got your undies down when a madge video came on

[hrspwr1]

USA up all night with Rhonda. 

 

[Novena]

I cream because of Jeannie,

always climaxed when Dr. Bellows entered the scene.

p.s.: tried watching the British remake but due to avid Burqa usage it's not the same anymore

"The Brass Bottle", came out a year before "I Dream of Jeannie."

[Tapeworm]

Charlies Angels when I was very young and had just discovered fapping.

Erin Gray on Buck Rogers always made my pockets tight as well.

Still.  That Princess Ardala was wet & ready 24/7.

[MAXX]

here's an odd one.

I had a vhs tape with a shitty movie called Double Dragon that had a young Alyssa Milano in it with a skimpy outfit.

Needless to say I broke that vhs rerunning some scenes in slo-mo like 100 times (was 12y or something)

thank god we had internet soon after

[MAXX]

found a snap from the scene lol



 

[tu_holmes]

Buck Rogers!

Wilma Dearing and Princess Ardala... I loved Ardala.

[tu_holmes]

Would WRECK!!!

[Simple Simon]

[Simple Simon]

[tu_holmes]

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