Alcohol problems

[tacobender]

This is a serious post, anyone here know or been through this? My honest story is I’m 37 have my own business which is stress On its own worrying about satisfying customers keeping the good reputation etc. on its own worrying about satisfying customers keeping the good reputation etc.The Home life sucks I’ve been in a miserable relationship for six years my other half has three kids from 7 to 18 years old. I really want to quit but coming home to this manipulative person completely triggered me to want to keep drinking I’m really about putting two to withdrawl symptoms and possible effects. Please chime in honest experiences thank you.

[Hypertrophy]

I've run a business for quite a while- and I know the stress. Got into a drinking habit for a while but kept it under control. Had a lot of the same issues as you.

1) Drinking solves nothing and causes far more issues- health and psychological. And I am sure your kids sense it.
2) Business is just money and customers are fickle. There is no loyalty in business - employees, customers, suppliers- nobody. My biggest customer ended up stealing my tech. They are a Fortune 100 firm.
 Just compartmentalize business - it ain't all that. And I have been through recessions, embezzlement,a  fire, death in the family, a family member sabotaging my biz- everything . But I sleep like a baby every night ever since I just said fuck it and only get concerned about biz from 8-5. And I have been very successful as a result.
3) As for the home issues- deal with them. Try talking or counseling- never  turn to avoidance. Your kids are very resilient if you are straight with them. I always put my kids first but they saw the negative environment and were affected.
4) I told the wife to  back off. If she didn't like me the way I was I said then find someone else. I said I have no problem going. I meant it. She said she would take the kids. I said go ahead- they'll eventually realize you are nuts. That shocked her.  She has since adapted, lol. And my kids turned out very well ( 2 of them)

The biggest thing about life is we often make it worse than it is. It all ends for all of us and we only have so much time. Make choices based on how short it really is.

[tacobender]

The only other thing is The kids are not mine. I guess maybe I love the kids and stick with them and is probably not the right answer because I don’t want them to feel as if I abandoned them like I said the last father and I don’t wanna mention now but depression was a part of it. Now I’m going down the same road, I was born with addictive personality and heart those two together go hand in hand and it’s not a good thing.

[Matt]

I was sort of dating a complete leach last year.  We weren't official, but she almost drove me insane.

I wish I could offer anything in the way of suggestions, tacobender.  I am 37 myself, and intended to start doing cardio at age 40.  I've decided I will start it, basically now.  I will be 38 on December 21st.

I've set the goal of living a completely clean lifestyle by 01/01/2020.  I only drink about one serving of alcohol every two months, and I'm going to make that 0 starting in the new year.  I drink about three coffees a month, and they will be cut out in the new year as well.  Next is carbohydrates - I intend to primarily if not exclusively be consuming vegetable carbohydrates in the new year.

The way I see it, I'm going to be too old soon to get any serious weight or alcohol/other issues, so I don't even want to flirt with those potential vices.  I will be living completely clean as a result.

With the triggers you have at home, I don't know how you can navigate this one.  I would start by removing any other bad influences if you can [friends who drink, easy access to alcohol at home, stuff like that].

Are you drinking hard liquor? If so, would switching to beer be a first step?  Or weaning down?

It's not easy.

I would say that quitting anything is not linear, and to never quit quitting.  In time, you can get it.

If you can go to a cottage in the woods for a month, that could help you progress - although if you have withdrawal symptoms, you may have to deal with it in a medical environment.

For me to follow a clean diet [my diet has been excellent since March], I simply keep no bad foods in the house.  I also buy food day by day, these days.  That way, there is simply no food in the house for me to stuff my face with.

In other words, I limited my access.

Sounds like you have a big trigger that may be accounting for 50% of your problem or something like that.  Removing that trigger may be the biggest individual factor to help you progress.  If doing so is even possible.

I think you did the right thing by posting in the forum.  It may help hold you accountable, and updating this thread with good news may motivate you to keep taking steps towards your goals.

[TTfit]

Leave her if she's the trigger. And stay in the kids life. If she fights that and makes it hard she's a true girl and there is nothing you can do. However if she cares about what is in the best interest for the kids she will let you remain in their lives without being with her.

The only thing is that you should get a lawyer and discuss before you leave. She may be entitled to half of everything or more.

Good luck.

[tacobender]

Leave her if she's the trigger. And stay in the kids life. If she fights that and makes it hard she's a true girl and there is nothing you can do. However if she cares about what is in the best interest for the kids she will let you remain in their lives without being with her.

The only thing is that you should get a lawyer and discuss before you leave. She may be entitled to half of everything or more.

Good luck.

we aren’t married she’s just my girlfriend, she uses the kids as a manipulation tool, I know people may think I’m being soft but I’m more worried about them thinking I’m abandoning them too as in they list there father as to how much I’m drinking it’s about a 12 pack a night for the last 3-4 years

[tacobender]

And what is driving me insane is the fact that I can admit to my problem and hold myself accountable I blame nobody has it and I didn’t have the easiest upbringing both had serious issues I could easily blame that on why I drink but I have nobody to blame but myself as I am the person that picks up the can. I just hate the fact that she pinpointed everything as me being the issue it’s always me she’s always a blameless victim when in reality I feel like I am the person that thinks logical she’s more on a roller coaster ride nobody’s perfect I don’t claim to be but I could admit when I’m fucking up. And sorry fellas not trying to turn this into you for me to read his more about spreading the love and if anybody’s going through the same things feel free to air it here

[TTfit]

we aren’t married she’s just my girlfriend, she uses the kids as a manipulation tool, I know people may think I’m being soft but I’m more worried about them thinking I’m abandoning them too as in they list there father as to how much I’m drinking it’s about a 12 pack a night for the last 3-4 years

This is a serious problem. How can you take care of the kids when you can't take care of yourself? People always forget that they have to put themselves first or they're no good to anybody else.

If you think she's the reason you drink get the hell out bro.

[Tapeworm]

If a friend came to you with this exact story, how would you advise him?

Guessing: Dump the broad. It's going nowhere good, and you're wasting good years on a bad relationship. Quit drinking with help or without, although you may find it surprisingly easy once the pain in your ass you're anesthetizing is gone.

Not to be a hardass but the kids are not your kids. Are you seriously willing to mortgage the rest of your life to kids that aren't yours? Because women you meet will run if you are still tied to your ex through her kids. It may even be worth talking to a lawyer to find out if you're somehow on the hook financially for them, if it's safe to help financially if you choose to without that obligating you to further payments, etc. Be smart and practical here, because she is damn sure going to be.

In essence, take the shit that's bad and remove it. Easier said than done, maybe, but what the hell else can you do? If you're in the US it's the wee small hours of the morning, you're drunk according to your posts, and asking known idiots for advice. You already know you're going to make major changes because the way things currently are is not your fate.

[tacobender]

If a friend came to you with this exact story, how would you advise him?

Guessing: Dump the broad. It's going nowhere good, and you're wasting good years on a bad relationship. Quit drinking with help or without, although you may find it surprisingly easy once the pain in your ass you're anesthetizing is gone.

Not to be a hardass but the kids are not your kids. Are you seriously willing to mortgage the rest of your life to kids that aren't yours? Because women you meet will run if you are still tied to your ex through her kids. It may even be worth talking to a lawyer to find out if you're somehow on the hook financially for them, if it's safe to help financially if you choose to without that obligating you to further payments, etc. Be smart and practical here, because she is damn sure going to be.

In essence, take the shit that's bad and remove it. Easier said than done, maybe, but what the hell else can you do? If you're in the US it's the wee small hours of the morning, you're drunk according to your posts, and asking known idiots for advice. You already know you're going to make major changes because the way things currently are is not your fate.

well said brother no need for an attorney as we are not legally binded I appreciate your input buddy.

[Tapeworm]

well said brother no need for an attorney as we are not legally binded I appreciate your input buddy.

Only mentioned it because laws differ regionally. I've heard tales of guys being on the hook after a mere 6 months of cohabitation but that was here in Australia.

I did the bad relationship thing too. Shit's going to improve for you once you're out.

[The Scott]

I don't drink alcoholic beverages so I would just stop drinking beer right now.  I cannot help out with anything other than trying to provide a bit of sympathy because I have a few relatives that are genuine alcoholics. 

They drink (or drank) a lot more than a 12 pack a night.  Having said that I have no doubt you are aware that 12 a night still ain't good for you.

As to your girlfriend?  She's a girl but not much of a friend.  The children are not yours in any way, shape or form and she obviously doesn't care about you. 

Take the Red Pill and wake up to not being woke, i.e., a cuck.  Or not.  The choice is yours to make.  You're not married, right?  You're not in a "common law" situation, right?  The kids aren't yours, right?

Is the house yours, hers or do you rent?  This last question is the hardest for you as you probably do care somewhat about the kids, but she's probably counting on that.  Love begins with loving yourself and that means taking care of number one so she doesn't do a number two on you.

All the best to you my young friend. 

[Powerlift66]

Just get to a meeting and put down the drink.
If you think you have a problem, you do.

[The Scott]

Just get to a meeting and put down the drink.
If you think you have a problem, you do.

Well said, sir.

[kreator]

The only other thing is The kids are not mine. I guess maybe I love the kids and stick with them and is probably not the right answer because I don’t want them to feel as if I abandoned them like I said the last father and I don’t wanna mention now but depression was a part of it. Now I’m going down the same road, I was born with addictive personality and heart those two together go hand in hand and it’s not a good thing.

It’s not your responsibility to raise her kids. I don’t understand why guys date single moms. Leave her and get your shit together. Who cares about other people’s kids. She’ll find another chump to deal with her mistakes

[beakdoctor]

I quit drinking 3 years ago. I had started to become a real heavy drinker and not handling it well. Plus I started hiding the amount I was drinking.

A couple of thoughts on it.

Quitting drinking didn't make my life much better. I didn't necessarily feel any better physically nor did quitting improve my mental acuity either.

The problems that caused me to start drinking were still there when I stopped drinking.

However controlling it and having the will power to quit when it was too far out of hand ultimately made me feel a whole lot better about myself. Now grabbing a drink is the furthest thing from my mind. Not needing to hit the market or the liquor store on the way home. It no longer controls my life.

Eventually I was able to sort my problems out simply because I  wasn't  drunk or hungover all the time. Quitting forced me to find healthier ways to cope with and solve my problems.

Good luck. If you drink long enough nothing good is bound to come of it.

[Axe71]

Hey Tacobender,

Just sitting here,  thinking about what you wrote.   Thinking about friends who destroyed themselves with drinking.   Seeing woman I knew slowly deteriorate through the years until they were shells of themselves.   Physically and emotionally all due to alcohol abuse.    One friend who I saw recently would not even touch one drink.  He told me how he had withdrawal symptoms from when he stopped.   It really shocked me to see how he was not the man he once was.   How the mighty had fallen.

I like to have a few drinks when I listen to music and do socialize a bit better with it.   But the next day I often feel down and out.   I tell myself not to take myself seriously when I am feeling low and am smart enough to know that the low times pass.   I just give it a day and I am normally better.   But it is a downer.   You got to take the highs with the low that follows when you drink.    When you live alone like I do and get in those zones it can be dangerous.

Jordan Peterson in a talk said that alcohol will wipe out 10-15 percent of people.    You got to know from that statistic that it has potential to destroy your life.  You can make decisions that you normally would not when your under the influence.  I will only allow myself one night usually Saturday night to drink and thats it.

Do your workouts,  challenge your mind with something with the time,   put some search into a spiritual topic.   Work on yourself.    
This is what I have to do to keep myself steady and moving forward.  

Life is tough,   I went through many years not being happy.    Then for the past ten years I have been on my own watching from a distance as my ex wife is in another life and lives like I never existed.  Its hard to know what to do.   I wouldn't want you to lose your family because in the end that is everything.

But you got to stop these people destroying you.   If they don't add to you it is not good for you.  You can't pour from an empty glass.  
I got a line in a song recently.      Stop taking tomorrow for granted for every second you have got is borrowed.

 Good luck brother.    Check in with us to let us know how your getting along.  

[Kwon]

Sorry to hear Tacobender, hope you get your life in order.


Are you related to Tres Taco Combo btw?

[gib]

How about just limit to a glass or two of wine in the evenings. Or one or 2 whiskeys?

[IroNat]

Get an apartment and move out.  Dump the woman.  She's destroying you.

Don't take her back when she comes sobbing back to you.

Don't worry about the kids.  They'll be ok.  They're not your responsibility.  Not yours dude.

Save yourself.

Get into some kind of substance abuse program.

Live life one day at a time.

Take action today and stop being a sap.

[Dokey111]

Here's what worked for me.  I really wanted to quit but was anxious that I would have too hard of a time, and that kept me from trying.

If you really want to quit it really is not that hard and you will NOT have any problems doing it.  It will be quite smooth actually.

All you have to do is keep drinking as much as you want.

Just not alcohol.

I drink these La Croix (no homo) seltzer waters now as if they were beers.  I drink 4 every night but of course you can drink as many as you want.  The lime flavor is the only one I like but try whatever you want.

You can do it and it really isn't that hard once you get started.

Good luck.  Oh and if you get a little tense or nervous, take a valerian capsule to take the edge off.

[illuminati]

This is a serious post, anyone here know or been through this? My honest story is I’m 37 have my own business which is stress On its own worrying about satisfying customers keeping the good reputation etc. on its own worrying about satisfying customers keeping the good reputation etc.The Home life sucks I’ve been in a miserable relationship for six years my other half has three kids from 7 to 18 years old. I really want to quit but coming home to this manipulative person completely triggered me to want to keep drinking I’m really about putting two to withdrawl symptoms and possible effects. Please chime in honest experiences thank you.

Taco - I'm Not trying to be Twat to you with this reply - Just my Honest thoughts no offense intended.

You did it to yourself - Why take on single mum of 3??
Did you not Think with a business & taking on a woman with 3 kids one of them a mere baby there'd be no problems.!!!
As for turning to drink how in the hell did you think that was going to help.
My Advice is You need to Man the Fuck up as you got yourself into this situation
You don't come across as very mature or reasoned.

Find somewhere to move to & leave - once you're gone she may just get a whole new attitude
if you're attached to the kids suggest you carry on seeing them - see what she says then if she anti that
then she's a horrible piece of work. I wouldn't mention anything ref moving out until the day you do.
Let her deal with it then - explain it to the kids & tell them you wish to still be in their lives if you do.

[jdooly]

As far as the booze, help is available brother, but you have to take the first step.  Reach out.  As far a depression,  help is also available, there is no shame in taking some meds to help that battle.  I know.  In the meantime, surround yourself with people that love you and keep your head up because seasons change, and this season of misery doesn't have to be permanent if you don't want it to be.  Keep going forward.   

[oldtimer1]

Alcohol compounds problems. Drinking a 12 pack a night is alcoholism. I don't know how anyone could dispute that? A bottle or can of beer is equal to one shot of whiskey in terms of alcohol content. Seek help for that first. Going to AA can really help especially if you believe in God. It helps being around people that have quit drinking. Drinking like that day in and day out will wreck your physical and mental health. For you cutting back isn't the answer. You need to completely quit.  In the beginning of sobriety you will feel nervous, shaky, anxiety filled and depressed. After about 4-5 weeks you will notice that is leaving you. Your desire for a drink will fade but it will never completely leave you for the rest of your life. You might feel in time that you can do it just on a Saturday. Soon you will be back to 7 days a week. In time it makes it easier to make the choice of avoiding alcohol. In all candor you are projecting all your relationship problems on your partner but could it be partially you are contributing to your misery and relationship problems?  I'm sure she is not happy about dealing with a drunk  and a person who is hung over every day. A person with 12 drinks in them is not someone anyone wants to be around day in and day out. Drinking is a temporary fix and no I'm not against having drinks for a non alcoholic person. Seek medical assistance too. You might have liver problems and metabolic problems like high blood sugar from all that drinking. Lastly don't substitute one addiction for another unhealthy choice. A good choice would be something like taking up running. A bad choice would be taking prescription anti anxiety drugs, steroids or becoming a pot head. An addictive personality can spell disaster with the wrong choices.

[Marty Champions]

I drank about 4to5 years straight got fat then quit n ate more healthy foods got leaner and stopped worrying about hoes i play video games more now i feel fine i suppose i eat more now than when i was fat n drinking but leaner likely because of taking protein powders again. Women and dating are a waste of resources beat one off too some teen voyeur or something after you bust a nut you can easily not care about them.  Life is better wen u just let the chips fall where they may accept the dumb hoe for being a dumb hoe let her know shes free to leave, youl be ok