If she were to let you have a go with her, where would you start? 
Fantastic question, Abe. Undoubtedly, I'd have to start by dishing out a frightful beating to Fatty Cuckboy himself while she watches.
If I know Indians like I think I do, the roots of British colonialism in their country run deep, and transgenerational trauma has ensured that the pain of the past still reverberates in those who never lived it.
I believe that the sight of me dressed up like a British Redcoat, whipping him mercilessly with a bamboo cane while making him thank me for it would likely engender some sort of epigenetic déjà vu event in her, only this time she'd be overcome with a sense of cosmic justice and aroused beyond belief.
By the time I'd finished flogging his prostrate body, she'd be throwing herself at me as if I were the last samosa at a Diwali disco.
