Bast, you're my boy, so I won't be mean. but I will bring back this classic for your entertainment!
Carb Depletion - Topic Overview Carbohydrate Depletion is a eating disorder with both physical and emotional side effects. Physically, the person suffering will drop to bodyweights of 110-120 pounds and will lose nearly all muscle mass. Mentally, the sufferer will become delusional and have dreams of invincibility. He'll typically boast of incredible strength feats, but will always lack the ability to document any of these wild claims. Ironically, sufferers also lack the ability to perform sexually or lift weights, the very reasons most youths tamper with carbohydrate levels.
Extreme casesKent, Ohio saw a recent case with a tragic ending. Bastianino I*****, a freshman nursing major, was diagnosed with dangerous low carbohydrate levels in April of 2005. Instead of entering ketosis and becoming muscular, the lad became a walking coat-rack. A hermit at his dorm room, he found himself splitting his time between posting rants on Internet message boards and stalking young children in Ohio and Texas. His friends, other Internet deviants and skells, described his last days as nomadic, angry, and hideously odorous. Soon after deleting his multiple online personalities, he disappeared from the campus and did not return. Stopping only to masturbate in the girls' room at a local elementary school, Bastiana was last seen heading for the woods of southern Ohio, where he believed he could finally defeat his carb addiction by gnawing on tree bark and experiencing one-ness with nature. And baby squirrels.
How can carb depletion be avoided?First, you cannot suck. People who suck are 115% more likely to develop Carb Depletion. You cannot be mentally retarded either. Bastiana was testing at IQ levels of 45-55, and while he still ranked in the top 10% at Kent State University, he was classified as legally retarded in non-Third-World Universities. Eating intelligently is important, as is possessing a grasp upon reality. One must possess the ability to admit weaknesses, and address them. Resorting to a fantasy world of threats and boasts will only result in one's Carb-Depletion condition becoming public. Right, Bast? ;-)
