no pics of ILS cases?
I will begin this series by discussing the most common and frequently seen gym idiot. This clown is plagued by a serious hallucinogenic disorder. Our back is composed of the muscle group known as the latissimus ( lats ). This particular moron somehow imagines that he possesses massively large lats, when essentially he has no muscle in that area at all. However, this hallucination causes him to lift both of his arms out about 6-12 inches on either side of his body. Thus the name Imaginary Lat Syndrome. Here is a diagram of what this gymbicile looks like.
To add to this extremely annoying behavior, he will actually flaunt himself to as many members of the gym as possible. The process begins after he picks up a pair of dumbbells and racks out a pathetically weak set for his biceps. Following this he will walk slowly around the gym while attempting to make eye contact with everyone. Again this is done to flaunt his imaginary lats. To enhance this effect he will usually stick his chest out as if he were standing at attention( perhaps he imagines that he has a massive pair of pecs as well ). And even though he may only wear a size small in both shirt and pants he walks slowly as if he were a 300 pound man. Each of his steps can be heard, because he stomps rather than walks. After pacing around the gym for 10 minutes he executes an even more pathetic set of dumbbell curls, only this time he performs them in front of the mirror. This truly is a mentally disturbed human being!
The question however, that has weighed heavily on my mind is why does he act in such a moronic and idiotic manner? Through observation I have discovered that each of these creatures has a common thread. They
A. Have no life
B. Are In secure
C. Have no real or meaningful relationships
D. Are Complete and total losers
In order to make up for the lacking areas in their lives, they have developed a mental projection of themselves that is much greater than what the rest of the world sees. This enhanced projection gives these morons a new sense of security. And since they have no life they look around the gym trying to attract other people's attention. Whether they are male or female does not matter, as long as someone acknowledges their existence, their trip to the gym was well worth it! It is insignificant in their minds as to whether they actually got a good workout or not that day.
Further Development of Imaginary Lat Syndrome
Unfortunately this mental disease can worsen. It begins in the gym, but can easily spread outside to a gymbacile's every day life. For example, there was one particular moron that had the worst case of Imaginary Lat Syndrome I had ever seen in my life. He would frequent the gym often and even talk to himself while looking in the mirror. And I have never seen a man get rejected more than he had. It turns out that the gym was not good enough for him to flaunt his moronic behavior any longer. Not once but on two occasions I have seen him walking around the mall alone while flaring his imaginary muscle fibers.
On the second occasion, I kid you not, he stopped dead in front of a mirror and posed down. Let me paint this picture clearer for you. He was in his 40's and pale as a ghost. He was tall with a clean shaven head and wore an extra large t-shirt even though he was a size small. He actually stood in front of this mirror for about a minute flexing and tensing his muscles. I couldn't help but wonder whether this guy was real or not! As sad as his case was, his sickness had spread to the ultimate. He truly enraptured the word loser.
The best way to avoid these clowns is to hang out near the squat rack and when you are around wimpy machines, avoid eye contact at all costs! Remember, he wants you to acknowledge him, and if you do, he will look for you every time he goes to the gym!
Next Month We will classify a new moron. Until then good luck!
Sincerely
Jacob Wilson Trainer@abcbodybuilding.com
