I've discovered that there is a certain degree of depression that comes with getting older. I sometimes feel depressed because I start thinking about all the things I wanted to do or would like to do now but for one reason or another I don't.
For example, last summer or son and his wife celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. We were invited to participate in the festivities. Unfortunately, they live in Germany. While we can afford to travel, my wife isn't healthy enough for it, thus we made the decision to send them money instead. Next summer, our oldest granddaughter is getting married and wants us to be part of her wedding. She also lives in Germany. I don't see anything changing for the positive with my wife's health issues. I am not about to go without her. It's depressing.
I really enjoy working out at the gym. Since I had knee surgery in September, all my energy has gone into doing the physical therapy for my knee. I was pretty depressed over the fact that I was walking like a gimp. While my upper body shrinks, the physical therapy is helping me to recover from the surgery. I am looking forward to the time I can get back into a full body workout regimen at the gym. In the meantime, when I look at myself in the mirror it takes a lot not to feel a little depressed.
About 18 months ago, I had a prostatectomy because I had prostate cancer. While there is a lot of things to celebrate, like being cancer free and not being incontinent. I have had issues with being impotent for years. Unfortunately, the prostatectomy exasperated the problem. Not only that, with no prostate and no seminal vessel there is no "money shot" which I miss. On up side, I guess, is that I have more sensory responses so the nerves are doing well. And although it is something of an anti-climax, I still do have a dry and intense orgasm.
Just writing about this stuff is depressing me so I am going to stop here.
The truth of the matter is, I have much to celebrate and much to be thankful for. I also think I have too much time on my hands since I retired. Despite volunteering for a number of different things, serving on committees and sitting on a couple of boards, these things don't occupy my time in the way that working did. I have no plans to go back to work though.
I am pretty sure being on HRT helps with my depression. Having a loving family also is a God send. Whenever I get to feeling really down, I think about how fortunate I am compared to some people. I live in a nice home. Although I am not rich, money is not a problem. And my two dogs give me unconditional love....but they also wish I'd get off my ass soon and take them for a walk.