Getbig Bodybuilding, Figure and Fitness Forums
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: steamboatwillie on September 26, 2012, 07:45:09 AM
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
-
Its hard bro. No matter how much you fight and argue, you still love the person. But sometimes its best to move on. For me, when i was working i was cool, but at home, alone, it sucked. My thing was to re focus on bbing and get back on stage. Dieting and training takes your mind off personal drama
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
It depends a lot on what you are fighting about. Some things can be worked out.
I never called any of mine a name or made a mean , personal insult.
If you don't mind saying, what are the main issues that cause problems between you?
-
Leave, never go back, never contact her again, for the next few months, root hookers, watch heaps of porn and masturbate a lot, get drunk a lot, smoke lots of weed, every-time you think something positive about her, remind yourself of what an argumentative whore she was and that it only would have become worse had you stayed. After a few months of this, you're good to go. What to expect? Peace and quiet and the pending expectation of doing it all again with someone else (probably with the same result - but what the hell eh!)
-
I took 6 months to find out she was pre-op lol
-
I took 6 months to find out she was pre-op lol
What did you think it was, a giant skin tag?
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
What the fuck did you get married for? Seriously. I was in one miserable relationship once in my life, and I vowed never again. I'm married now, and not to be a homo, but she's literally my best friend. We have the same likes, and enjoy the same topics of conversation. Throw in the fact shes hot and I'm set. You should have never let yourself get pressured into that situation man.
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
When you are on getbig masturbating to half naked men, leave the door open so she walks in on you, and if you miss your wife after she kicks you out of the house its because you have poor aim.
-
6 months is a little bit short timespan though. Unless you two live together for like 10 years.
On the flip side, 6 months should still be in honeymoon periods and you guys can't get along, something is definitely wrong
-
she needs to have an accident that causes her death. Make sure you have a solid alibi
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
;D
-
Its hard bro. No matter how much you fight and argue, you still love the person. But sometimes its best to move on. For me, when i was working i was cool, but at home, alone, it sucked. My thing was to re focus on bbing and get back on stage. Dieting and training takes your mind off personal drama
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
-
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
You poor bastard.
-
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
If being big and strong is the only identity you have left, the. You were doomed from the start.
You sought out a effed up relationship, and now are miserable. You went to the alter with a woman who was going to make your life miserable, and you didn't even see it.
The gym ain't the only thing in this world. And one must be multifaceted in their identity---who are you? Ask yourself, who am I? If all you have is that one thing, then you are a one trick pony, so expect to get rode like one.
-
I'm married now, and not to be a homo, but she's literally my best friend.
;D ;D ;D
-
It depends a lot on what you are fighting about. Some things can be worked out.
I never called any of mine a name or made a mean , personal insult.
If you don't mind saying, what are the main issues that cause problems between you?.
Our biggest issue is that I have a life outside of us and she doesn't. She refuses to take care of herself or find a hobby or an activity where she can socialize. She won't go out with our friends and won't let me without holding it over me for weeks. She also wants a baby ASAP, and while I'm not against it, I'm not willing to have one now because our situation is so bad. We have had sex 4 times in 2 months, and now she wants to threaten me by saying she's not going to give me any if I don't quit the gym. Not that I care anymore, the times we do she just lays there.
-
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
I ALWAYS explain to every girl I meet that I am a bber! I eat six times a day and go to the gym 4-5 days a week. I only spend an hour at MOST at the gym though. No girl has EVER asked me to stop training. Ive been bbing since I was 15 so if they have an issue, PEACE.
-
Leave, never go back, never contact her again, for the next few months, root hookers, watch heaps of porn and masturbate a lot, get drunk a lot, smoke lots of weed, every-time you think something positive about her, remind yourself of what an argumentative whore she was and that it only would have become worse had you stayed. After a few months of this, you're good to go. What to expect? Peace and quiet and the pending expectation of doing it all again with someone else (probably with the same result - but what the hell eh!)
This is actually pretty close to what I'm thinking (besides the hookers, drinking, and weed). Hell is be stoked to go hang out at TGIFridays one nights with my bros.
-
What the fuck did you get married for? Seriously. I was in one miserable relationship once in my life, and I vowed never again. I'm married now, and not to be a homo, but she's literally my best friend. We have the same likes, and enjoy the same topics of conversation. Throw in the fact shes hot and I'm set. You should have never let yourself get pressured into that situation man.
I married her because I loved her, things were working out, our families were happy and supportive....sure we had an argument ever now and then, but things seemed ok. Once we got back from the honeymoon she seemed like a different girl. I really never saw this coming.
-
I married her because I loved her, things were working out, our families were happy and supportive....sure we had an argument ever now and then, but things seemed ok. Once we got back from the honeymoon she seemed like a different girl. I really never saw this coming.
-
When you are on getbig masturbating to half naked men, leave the door open so she walks in on you, and if you miss your wife after she kicks you out of the house its because you have poor aim.
LOL...I do have a giant pic of gunther on our guest bedroom (well, my bedroom now) wall. Maybe this would work!
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
For me the best approach is to avoid my wife if we are in a fight. I just go off and do my own thing - clean the car, mow the lawn. Anything. That is the most effective way. Women should not be able to make a man upset for too long. I know it happens, but you're the head of the family. And they respect you more when they see you couldn't care about a little fight and life still goes on.
Of course if you don't care about her then just get out of it.
-
I ALWAYS explain to every girl I meet that I am a bber! I eat six times a day and go to the gym 4-5 days a week. I only spend an hour at MOST at the gym though. No girl has EVER asked me to stop training. Ive been bbing since I was 15 so if they have an issue, PEACE.
I think you should change that to "I am a man whose hobby is is bbing". Because if you arenot making any money in a lifestyle that requires you to take drugs and pretty much kill your organs, then why do it?
All you'll end up as, is Ronnie Coleman without the Sandows---brokedown and chasing fat chicks, raw no pulling out.
-
6 months is a little bit short timespan though. Unless you two live together for like 10 years.
On the flip side, 6 months should still be in honeymoon periods and you guys can't get along, something is definitely wrong
.
It is a short time and we did rush things. I'm 30, she's 28...she wants kids right away....things were going well, we got married after dating for a year and a half.
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
Hurry up and move out before you have kids. I'm looking at 10+ years under my belt and after kids, you realize you can't just get out. Do it while you can and don't think it'll be different with a different woman. Run bro.
-
when you get divorced expect to be financially miserable
marriage can be good or bad i guess
divorce is always bad in the west
I honestly don't have much, and I would gladly give half of it to be out of this situation.
-
Get out before you have kids. If things are this bad now they are only going to get worse. If you think she wants all your time now think about how bad she will be if you have a baby. To top it off you'll have alimony if you divorce after the kid.
When I hear stories like this I feel blessed. Give half of what you have and move on.
-
is poverty a choice?
-
She sounds horrible divorce her asap.
-
.
It is a short time and we did rush things. I'm 30, she's 28...she wants kids right away....things were going well, we got married after dating for a year and a half.
You answered your own question in the first sentenced above.
-
ultimate solution
Final Solution
-
i once had a girlfriend who thought moby dick was a dissease
-
i once had a girlfriend who thought moby dick was a dissease
hahaha what the hell?
-
If being big and strong is the only identity you have left, the. You were doomed from the start.
You sought out a effed up relationship, and now are miserable. You went to the alter with a woman who was going to make your life miserable, and you didn't even see it.
The gym ain't the only thing in this world. And one must be multifaceted in their identity---who are you? Ask yourself, who am I? If all you have is that one thing, then you are a one trick pony, so expect to get rode like one.
Not saying my life was perfect before, but I was content. Sure, I should have finished college and dine a bunch of other stuff, but I have a decent job and was able to do the things I enjoyed. What I'm saying is that her trying to keep me under lock and key is robbing me if who I am. I'm a social butterfly, I need to fly from time to time.
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
What exactly are you fighting about and what do you mean by you both are so different?
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
you should have taken counseling prior to marriage
if she has ever told you that she no longer loves you consider the relationship over
-
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
How deep in this gym thing are you? For starters, you do NOT have to eat a certain amount of meals a day, you do NOT have to train 5 days a week or even 4 to remain in top shape, you do NOT have to eat certain foods and limit yourself.
-
lol @ 'fighting for the marriage' this is the real world not a chick flick
-
the reality not everyone is competent for marriage much less a relationship consider this a life lesson
-
You poor, poor kunt I genuinely feel sorry for you. The advice given above is pretty obvious, get out before the kids start coming or you'll be fucked altogether.
-
(http://i.qkme.me/358zza.jpg)
-
Our biggest issue is that I have a life outside of us and she doesn't. She refuses to take care of herself or find a hobby or an activity where she can socialize. She won't go out with our friends and won't let me without holding it over me for weeks. She also wants a baby ASAP, and while I'm not against it, I'm not willing to have one now because our situation is so bad. We have had sex 4 times in 2 months, and now she wants to threaten me by saying she's not going to give me any if I don't quit the gym. Not that I care anymore, the times we do she just lays there.
1. Explain to her that the gym is tied to your health and your health should be considered the most important thing in your life, which it no doubt is. Mentally and physically speaking.
2. It sounds to me she wants to have a baby for the sole reason that she may think it will force you under her control. It seems that its the lack of control that she has issues with. She wants more control over you than she currently has. This is not fair. Don`t have a baby for this reason (don`t have one for any reason in my opinion). Ask her point blank what her intentions are.
3. Let her threaten. Who cares. Just go about your business as usual.
-
I ALWAYS explain to every girl I meet that I am a bber! I eat six times a day and go to the gym 4-5 days a week. I only spend an hour at MOST at the gym though. No girl has EVER asked me to stop training. Ive been bbing since I was 15 so if they have an issue, PEACE.
I actually go train 4 days a week now instead of the 5 I went while we were dating. That was my offer of a compromise when this issue came up. This wasn't good enough for her and I can't do what I need to do in less. Besides, it turns out that I gave that fifth workout up for what has become an extra hour and a half of argue time and tell me what a piece of shit I am time. I don't ask her to cook anything weird or tell her we can't have anything, I just make the best of it.
-
(http://hahabomb.com/wp-content/uploads/146/233059eGP.jpg)
-
I actually go train 4 days a week now instead of the 5 I went while we were dating. That was my offer of a compromise when this issue came up. This wasn't good enough for her and I can't do what I need to do in less. Besides, it turns out that I gave that fifth workout up for what has become an extra hour and a half of argue time and tell me what a piece of shit I am time. I don't ask her to cook anything weird or tell her we can't have anything, I just make the best of it.
Give an example of an argument and how it would go.
-
Would it be possible to train in the morning when she is sleeping??? I had a similar situation on my hands a few months back.. She didn't tell me to quit training... but she wouldn't shut the fuck up after I came home from the gym in the p.m.. So as any devoted husband would, do i compromised. Marriage is 60/40... (to me anyway) and if she isn't following those rules... RUN!!!
-
For me the best approach is to avoid my wife if we are in a fight. I just go off and do my own thing - clean the car, mow the lawn. Anything. That is the most effective way. Women should not be able to make a man upset for too long. I know it happens, but you're the head of the family. And they respect you more when they see you couldn't care about a little fight and life still goes on.
Of course if you don't care about her then just get out of it.
I think the best solution for both of us is to end it. I try to walk away, but she'll follow me. I go in my room, she follows. I lock the door, she stands outside the room screaming and throwing shit. I go shower, she stands outside the shower screaming. I can't have 10 minutes to myself. She fusses because I take half an hour to shower and take my shot at night. At times I wish she was a man so I could just beat the fuck out of her so she'd leave me alone for an hour.
-
I think you should change that to "I am a man whose hobby is is bbing". Because if you arenot making any money in a lifestyle that requires you to take drugs and pretty much kill your organs, then why do it?
All you'll end up as, is Ronnie Coleman without the Sandows---brokedown and chasing fat chicks, raw no pulling out.
[/quote
If its what makes you tick then its what you are. It doesn't matter if you suck at it or make a living from it. It makes me happy, and that's all that matters to me. Shouldn't that be the same for anyone and whatever their Passion is?
-
Hurry up and move out before you have kids. I'm looking at 10+ years under my belt and after kids, you realize you can't just get out. Do it while you can and don't think it'll be different with a different woman. Run bro.
That's exactly my thinking...after this I couldn't imagine re-marrying.
-
lol walking away is the physical manifestation of denial
-
Get out before you have kids. If things are this bad now they are only going to get worse. If you think she wants all your time now think about how bad she will be if you have a baby. To top it off you'll have alimony if you divorce after the kid.
When I hear stories like this I feel blessed. Give half of what you have and move on.
Yeah...she would be unbearable with a kid and she doesn't want to work so is have to work 16 hour days and come home and listen to what a piece of shit I am for not bring around more.
-
Yeah...she would be unbearable with a kid and she doesn't want to work so is have to work 16 hour days and come home and listen to what a piece of shit I am for not bring around more.
dude wtf? kick her out immediately and blame yourself for getting into this mess in the first place. What kind of diabolical bitch did you manage to marry? She doesn't wanna work, really? Makes my blood boil just reading it.
-
gh15 would advise you to walk from this typical americano whore.
I guarantee you that this woman is holding the pussy hostage at this point as wel.
Am I correct?
If so, run do not walk out of that mess. Once they start using sex as a pawn, don't play the game.
Very true. Once sex becomes a mere advice to manipulate ones partner, the sex life IS OVER.
-
Uberman says its ok to cold-cock a woman if she forgets her place. The only good thing he has ever said before.
-
cold cock, cuckold?
-
cold cock, cuckold?
X2
-
Give an example of an argument and how it would go.
Woman: You're a pathetic weak piece of shit, I have no idea why I married you, you have a small dick, no prospects, a slovenly body, bad breath and no conversation skills. That's why I'm thinking about banging your best friend. What do you think of that?
Man: But, I love you, what can I do to make you feel better.
Woman: Well, if you were a real man I would ask you to suck my pussy and fuck me good and hard the way I liked and make me cum real hard, but you're not, you have a small dick, no prospects, a slovenly body, bad breath and no conversation skills. That's why I'm thinking about banging your best friend. What do you think of that?
Man: But I can change, please don't shag my best friend - I Love you.
Woman: Your pathetic, here I am telling you what a piece of shit you are, and all you can do is tell me you love me, you can't even stand up to a woman, I've had enough, I'm leaving to go fuck your best mate. What do you think of that?
Man: Please don't leave, Please - I love you.
Getting the drift - She really is a good woman though, I really love her ;D
-
By reading your responses, you got yourself one clingy woman who wants to get pampered every time. Believe me, gym is not your main issue. If you have some other hobbies like coin collecting or beer bottle collecting or whatever she will get insecured and will make a fuss.
That's why she wants kids in the hope that you will solely cocentrate on her and kids.
Ask yourself this, can you revolve your world around her and her only? It is not like die for her but still..
If you cannot, tell her openly, you still love her but you have life outside of her too.. See whether she can compromise. Do trial runs without kids for about 3 months if she's willing to try. And then see how it goes..
If she is not willing to compromise, cut her loose without regrets...
In the end, marriages are compromises; how much each of you willing to sacrifice for each other.
-
What exactly are you fighting about and what do you mean by you both are so different?
We seriously fight about everything. How to load the dishwasher, fold towels, what I can and can't watch on tv. She wants me home at all times, doesn't want me to have friends, and thinks I'm a poor excuse for a man because I would like a damn hour to myself everyday to workout. She has lost all motivation to do anything...this girl used to be fun...we had a blast, and now all she wants to do is watch her shows and eat fucking cookies while I sit quietly by her side.
-
Good advice by everyone.
If it doesn't work in the end, you should probably just try to PIITB while she's sleeping. Go out like an Alpha, with guns blazing.
Godspeed!
-
What the fuck did you get married for? Seriously. I was in one miserable relationship once in my life, and I vowed never again. I'm married now, and not to be a homo, but she's literally my best friend. We have the same likes, and enjoy the same topics of conversation. Throw in the fact shes hot and I'm set. You should have never let yourself get pressured into that situation man.
This! Sex gets old no matter how hot she is,being friends is the most important thing! Communication!
-
you should have taken counseling prior to marriage
if she has ever told you that she no longer loves you consider the relationship over
We had counseling with her preacher before we got married....we even abstained the last 4 months of our engagement (i know, I'm a schmuck). She says she loves me...right before going off on me.
-
Our biggest issue is that I have a life outside of us and she doesn't. She refuses to take care of herself or find a hobby or an activity where she can socialize. She won't go out with our friends and won't let me without holding it over me for weeks. She also wants a baby ASAP, and while I'm not against it, I'm not willing to have one now because our situation is so bad. We have had sex 4 times in 2 months, and now she wants to threaten me by saying she's not going to give me any if I don't quit the gym. Not that I care anymore, the times we do she just lays there.
She's fucking someone else.....
Move on, life is too short.
-
How deep in this gym thing are you? For starters, you do NOT have to eat a certain amount of meals a day, you do NOT have to train 5 days a week or even 4 to remain in top shape, you do NOT have to eat certain foods and limit yourself.
I'm 288 with 11% bodyfat, it does take a shit tin of work to progress at my level....but its more about the fact that I love everything about it, its my passion.
-
She's fucking someone else.....
Move on, life is too short.
i dont think he will
-
Our biggest issue is that I have a life outside of us and she doesn't. She refuses to take care of herself or find a hobby or an activity where she can socialize. She won't go out with our friends and won't let me without holding it over me for weeks. She also wants a baby ASAP, and while I'm not against it, I'm not willing to have one now because our situation is so bad. We have had sex 4 times in 2 months, and now she wants to threaten me by saying she's not going to give me any if I don't quit the gym. Not that I care anymore, the times we do she just lays there.
I find it hard to believe these weren't issues prior to the marriage. That you are someone that let themselves get "talked" into getting married. Seek counseling first. Then, if that doesn't work, just stop showering after the gym or shit your pants and throw them in the wash or any other things you can do that will make HER leave and you looking like the good guy
-
.
It is a short time and we did rush things. I'm 30, she's 28...she wants kids right away....things were going well, we got married after dating for a year and a half.
^^
GET OUT, GET OUT NOW, thank all of us later but DO NOT have a kid... Imagine yourself being a kid in a split-up family, and it will sicken you. Leave, get your own place, get a new cell phone/number, hopefully she will be so embarrassed she will not even contact you. Do NOT sell yourself out for ANY girl wanting you to stay out of the gym...
-
3. Let her threaten. Who cares. Just go about your business as usual.
1. Explain to her that the gym is tied to your health. Mentally and physically speaking.
2. It sounds to me she wants to have a baby for the sole reason that she may think it will force you under her control. It seems that its the lack of control that she has issues with. She wants more control over you than she currently has. This is not fair. Don`t have a baby. Ask her point blank what her intentions are.
3. Let her threaten. Who cares. Just go about your business as usual.
4. If she completely changed from before the marriage, tell her you are worried about her physical and mental health as the change is so profound. Encourage her to get a complete physical check up and to go to a psychologist. You may consider both going to a counselor. If she won't go, it may be helpful for you to go alone.
5. Does she say to you that you "suck as a man" and are a "piece of sh*t?" Calmly tell her that she needs to conduct herself in a more respectable manner if she wants you to listen to what she wants to say.
You could really benefit from reading "Love Must be Tough," in which the main premise is that if you allow yourself to be treated like crap, the other person will continue to treat you like crap and not respect you.
Your woman should read "His Needs, Her Needs" by (somebody Harley [ I can find the full name if you want] ). It explains the top 5 needs of a man including having an attractive spouse, sex, and how important it is for a man to want to come home to a nice relaxing atmosphere (also lists women's top 5).
You are not alone in having a bad first year or two in marriage. "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is an excellent book and was a huge part of saving many marriages.
6. Don't rely on her to use birth control. You should be the one responsible for using it, just to be sure.
7. Would she go to the gym with you?
-
1. Explain to her that the gym is tied to your health and your health should be considered the most important thing in your life, which it no doubt is. Mentally and physically speaking.
2. It sounds to me she wants to have a baby for the sole reason that she may think it will force you under her control. It seems that its the lack of control that she has issues with. She wants more control over you than she currently has. This is not fair. Don`t have a baby for this reason (don`t have one for any reason in my opinion). Ask her point blank what her intentions are.
3. Let her threaten. Who cares. Just go about your business as usual.
1. Here's how that arguement goes, "...and steroids are good for your health how?". I should have never let her in to that part of my life (well, I should have not married her, but you know what I mean). That's one of the first things she reaches for when my opinion is obviously more correct than hers.
2. I think you're right on this. I also think she sees a baby as someone who can't leave her like her father, most of her close friends, and eventually me.
3. On this, do you mean don't leave, but continue on as I sew fit hoping that she will leave?
-
Lol.. Seems like she's on the way to take all you manliness from you, don't let that happen man. And psycho tendencies, low self esteem I'd say. Rly, marrying after a year and a half? Only woman I've considered as a possible partner in that way was a gf of 6years or so. Having a kid sooner than 4years in a srs relathionship is a huge gamble imho (I'd call it insanity actually). Don't get involved any deeper in this shit or you'll be a very miserable fella after 5more years, very very miserable... Ffs it seems that you need to find out EXACTLY what you want out of a partner or you'll always finish in a situation similar to this one.
-
when you get divorced expect to be financially miserable
marriage can be good or bad i guess
divorce is always bad in the west
If you don't have kids , divorce is pretty simple and doesn't cost a lot.
-
if there's doubt,
get out.
-
If there's doubt, put it in the butt.
-
1. Explain to her that the gym is tied to your health and your health should be considered the most important thing in your life, which it no doubt is. Mentally and physically speaking.
2. It sounds to me she wants to have a baby for the sole reason that she may think it will force you under her control. It seems that its the lack of control that she has issues with. She wants more control over you than she currently has. This is not fair. Don`t have a baby for this reason (don`t have one for any reason in my opinion). Ask her point blank what her intentions are.
3. Let her threaten. Who cares. Just go about your business as usual.
Read this again SB wille and let it sink in. Good advice from TA
-
Would it be possible to train in the morning when she is sleeping??? I had a similar situation on my hands a few months back.. She didn't tell me to quit training... but she wouldn't shut the fuck up after I came home from the gym in the p.m.. So as any devoted husband would, do i compromised. Marriage is 60/40... (to me anyway) and if she isn't following those rules... RUN!!!
I proposed this, but she doesn't want to goto bed earlier and says that its the same thing.
-
lol walking away is the physical manifestation of denial
Wouldn't denial be not walking away?
-
gh15 would advise you to walk from this typical americano whore.
I guarantee you that this woman is holding the pussy hostage at this point as wel.
Am I correct?
If so, run do not walk out of that mess. Once they start using sex as a pawn, don't play the game.
Yes, that is where we are at. I just beat it to the crossfit thread and go on about my business.
-
Been married for over 6 years here... so speaking from experience, every marriage goes through tough days, that is normal, but it sounds like in your situation its a little bit more than that. If she can't even respect the fact that you need 1 or 2 Hours a day to yourself in the gym, something productive and that makes you better , then that is one serious issue And there is more to it than just you going to the gym.
Its hard for me or anybody else to tell you to leave or stay, but it seems you want to leave, and at the end of the day maybe thats what you need to do. But if there is any glimmer inside you that is making you reconsider, maybe it might be a good idea for you two to go to counseling.
Again though, if shit is really this bad at 6 months????
-
Uberman says its ok to cold-cock a woman if she forgets her place. The only good thing he has ever said before.
LOL, she would be dead.
-
dude wtf? kick her out immediately and blame yourself for getting into this mess in the first place. What kind of diabolical bitch did you manage to marry? She doesn't wanna work, really? Makes my blood boil just reading it.
Too drastic and will make for bad blood.
He didn't get invloved and married to her in 1 day and it will take a bit of time to get out of it, the right way.
BUT he needs to file with a lawyer, asap.
-
By reading your responses, you got yourself one clingy woman who wants to get pampered every time. Believe me, gym is not your main issue. If you have some other hobbies like coin collecting or beer bottle collecting or whatever she will get insecured and will make a fuss.
That's why she wants kids in the hope that you will solely cocentrate on her and kids.
Ask yourself this, can you revolve your world around her and her only? It is not like die for her but still..
If you cannot, tell her openly, you still love her but you have life outside of her too.. See whether she can compromise. Do trial runs without kids for about 3 months if she's willing to try. And then see how it goes..
If she is not willing to compromise, cut her loose without regrets...
In the end, marriages
are compromises; how much each of you willing to sacrifice for each other.
Great post and sound advice
-
We had counseling with her preacher before we got married....we even abstained the last 4 months of our engagement (i know, I'm a schmuck). She says she loves me...right before going off on me.
You got marital advice from a preacher! THat was a huge mistake.
Don't do that again , see a legit, licensed therapist, please
-
Yeah...she would be unbearable with a kid and she doesn't want to work so is have to work 16 hour days and come home and listen to what a piece of shit I am for not bring around more.
I just couldn't read further. Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do. Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts. Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night. Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,
-
I just couldn't read further. Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do. Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts. Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night. Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,
It's an obvious exhaggaration, but I'd actually agree on that, just in a sense of "I'm going to the gym 5days again, at the time I want, and I want chicken breast to be cooked when I'm back from it. No discusions, PERIOD.".
-
I just couldn't read further. Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do. Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts. Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night. Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,
I gotta say the anal sex part will be the best part and something she will no doubt enjoy and agree to without question.
Plus, the only thing she will give birth too, is a 12" turd.
-
At the risk of sounding ghey, listen to your heart. It knows what's right.
You sound like you really, truly want to leave. For what it's worth, I would never talk about my wife the way you do. Sure, we fight, but not like the way you describe. And the way you describe her, and the way you describe your feelings for her...well, that's just not the way a man talks about a woman he loves. It's the way he talks about abusive parents, if I may say so.
Clearly, you've fallen out of love with her. It's time to stop "chasing good money after bad". Cut your losses, be a man, admit you fucked up by marrying her, take accountability for the fact that even though this ride if fucked that you still played a part, take stock of yourself and your emotions, then get out. Fast. Like now. Stop wasting time. The lawyers can take care of everything for you. You're unhappy, and it needs to stop before it ruins your health, which all any of us have.
If you even love her just a bit, you know it's not fair to her to stay with her and ruin her life. She certainly doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with a man who feels so angry about her. She wants someone to love her too. Just like you do. You both deserve that in life. Because life is short...too short to go through it without love. She obviously hates living with you...she's so angry all the time. I wouldn't be surprised (and neither should you) if she expresses relief once the shock of a pending divorce sinks in. She'll see that this is good for her too. She'll feel like a failure when the marriage fails, and beg you to stay. But those are superficial emotions...the basal, truer ones are screaming at her to get out too. She'll see that in time.
And for christ's sake, don't have a kid. You think shit is bad now? Trust me...as bad as it is now, watch it go off-the-charts-shitstorm-in-a-teacup-bad when you have a kid. Kid's wreck the strongest of marriages. Almost wrecked mine. You need a rock solid union to withstand the shitstorm that is children. I wouldn't change anything now with my kids...love them and would willingly die for them, and I truly love my wife. But fuck me...when the kids were babies, it's like we were always one step away from saying "fuck you I'm outta here". Just this seething hate brewing below everything we said. Mostly, it had to do with sleep deprivation and a complete loss of control over our lifestyle, free time, and individualism. And the realization that forever and ever, our hearts would be tethered to these little people who had the ability, just by getting sick or dying, to completely and irrevocably change the course of our entire lives. That's some serious shit man, and if you want some of that, you need a woman you can count on through the ugly times. Because there will be a lot of them.
In short, get out now. Stop being unhappy. Stop making her unhappy. You are not compatible, and are simply not good for each other. No big deal...lots of people shouldn't be married. Pride yourself on the fact that you recognize it, and are getting out now.
-
By reading your responses, you got yourself one clingy woman who wants to get pampered every time. Believe me, gym is not your main issue. If you have some other hobbies like coin collecting or beer bottle collecting or whatever she will get insecured and will make a fuss.
That's why she wants kids in the hope that you will solely cocentrate on her and kids.
Ask yourself this, can you revolve your world around her and her only? It is not like die for her but still..
If you cannot, tell her openly, you still love her but you have life outside of her too.. See whether she can compromise. Do trial runs without kids for about 3 months if she's willing to try. And then see how it goes..
If she is not willing to compromise, cut her loose without regrets...
In the end, marriages are compromises; how much each of you willing to sacrifice for each other.
This makes a lot of sense to me....maybe I lay it out like we have 60 days to figure it out or cut ties, then keep a calendar and put a check on the good days and an x on the bad days, and if we can't get it right atleast half the time then we pull the plug.
-
She's fucking someone else.....
Move on, life is too short.
You have no idea how much I wish this was true, and I could just walk in mid-hump and end it all without being the bastard that destroyed the family.
On a side not, anyone wanna come over and nail my wife next Thursday at 4pm? Jk
-
I find it hard to believe these weren't issues prior to the marriage. That you are someone that let themselves get "talked" into getting married. Seek counseling first. Then, if that doesn't work, just stop showering after the gym or shit your pants and throw them in the wash or any other things you can do that will make HER leave and you looking like the good guy
Looking back, I can see how she is now in the way she treated other people (like her mom, certain friends, waitresses in restaurants)....I guess I was naive enough to think she wouldn't talk to me like that. I would be up for counseling but she is horribly against it unless it is with her preacher (who is gonna say "pray about it and study the word."
-
Looking back, I can see how she is now in the way she treated other people (like her mom, certain friends, waitresses in restaurants)....I guess I was naive enough to think she wouldn't talk to me like that. I would be up for counseling but she is horribly against it unless it is with her preacher (who is gonna say "pray about it and study the word."
What denomination?
-
^^
GET OUT, GET OUT NOW, thank all of us later but DO NOT have a kid... Imagine yourself being a kid in a split-up family, and it will sicken you. Leave, get your own place, get a new cell phone/number, hopefully she will be so embarrassed she will not even contact you. Do NOT sell yourself out for ANY girl wanting you to stay out of the gym...
I do have my eye on a weekly rate hotel near work....changing the phone number could be a good idea too. No way I could have a kid with her at this point.
-
You got marital advice from a preacher! THat was a huge mistake.
Don't do that again , see a legit, licensed therapist, please
You make good sense. All the preacher will do is tell you to pray over it and that helps no one. If talking to yourself makes you feel better go ahead and pray.
-
We had counseling with her preacher before we got married....we even abstained the last 4 months of our engagement (i know, I'm a schmuck). She says she loves me...right before going off on me.
Is she an evangelical fundamentalist?...That puts a different slant on it. Never marry someone who is not mainstream.
-
is there a life insurance policy on her? is there a lake nearby? Do you have access to a canoe?
-
Getting married is like loosing your virginity only in reverse.
-
4. If she completely changed from before the marriage, tell her you are worried about her physical and mental health as the change is so profound. Encourage her to get a complete physical check up and to go to a psychologist. You may consider both going to a counselor. If she won't go, it may be helpful for you to go alone.
5. Does she say to you that you "suck as a man" and are a "piece of sh*t?" Calmly tell her that she needs to conduct herself in a more respectable manner if she wants you to listen to what she wants to say.
You could really benefit from reading "Love Must be Tough," in which the main premise is that if you allow yourself to be treated like crap, the other person will continue to treat you like crap and not respect you.
Your woman should read "His Needs, Her Needs" by (somebody Harley [ I can find the full name if you want] ). It explains the top 5 needs of a man including having an attractive spouse, sex, and how important it is for a man to want to come home to a nice relaxing atmosphere (also lists women's top 5).
You are not alone in having a bad first year or two in marriage. "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is an excellent book and was a huge part of saving many marriages.
6. Don't rely on her to use birth control. You should be the one responsible for using it, just to be sure.
7. Would she go to the gym with you?
4. It took me forever to get her to goto the doctor for her blood pressure so she could stay in birth control....I don't see how I could convince her to go for mental health issues.
5. She does do that, and basically I just won't deal with her until she can check herself. I've never called her a bitch, girl, any of that...mainly because the one time I called my mom a bitch my dad beat the shit out of me. She's constantly disrespectful, but there is a limit where I won't have it.
6. I will check these books out. She's a big reader so I might could get her to take a look at one.
7. I've had her come with me and she wasn't comfortable (i workout at a semi-hardcore gym...the girls that come here are mostly lesbians or extremely fit). I got her a membership to planet fitness and she went a few days per week for a couple months, and then would only go when I went with her, and now she just says that isn't how she wants to spend our time together. She's very self conscious because she's gotten pretty fat, but she refuses to do a damn thing about it.
-
Sounds to me like she is insecure and has a desire to control you. This can be worked out, if and only if ,she is willing to talk and LISTEN to your side. My first marriage resulted in divorce because :
1. She "discovered" she really wanted kids, a couple yrs AFTER we got married. I made it quite clear, I never was going to have kids and she agreed , but changed after 2 yrs of marriage and I didn't.
2. For some odd reason, she assumed I would quit going to the gym and do more "famliy stuff" with her after we got married.
Some woman just have these unspoken ideas that come out later in a marriage. In my case the only solution was give up on all my lifestyle ideals or divorce...I chose divorce with few regrets.
PM me if you want any more detailed advice on this matter. Good luck.
She has said on occasion, "I thought you'd change after we got married.". I told her that I married her for who she was, not who she was going to change into. We both wanted kids, but I can't do it at this point...and she brings up babies at every damn chance.
-
7. I've had her come with me and she wasn't comfortable (i workout at a semi-hardcore gym...the girls that come here are mostly lesbians or extremely fit). I got her a membership to planet fitness and she went a few days per week for a couple months, and then would only go when I went with her, and now she just says that isn't how she wants to spend our time together. She's very self conscious because she's gotten pretty fat, but she refuses to do a damn thing about it.
Dump I promise you every pound will count in more ways than one.
-
She has said on occasion, "I thought you'd change after we got married.". I told her that I married her for who she was, not who she was going to change into. We both wanted kids, but I can't do it at this point...and she brings up babies at every damn chance.
I read this and all I keep thinking is that she must be a fatass or you would be posting her pic trying to prove to us that she is too hot to leave.
Make her a deal....you will stay home on Friday night with her if she will give up anal. Every time she makes a demand, make a demand back to her.
Enjoy your night out with the boys....
-
Take it from a guy who's been divorced and been in a similar situation, get the hell out of there b4 she tries to trap you with a child. I had a lazy, half-ass working wife I divorced. She took a lot of possessions that I paid for and I owe her child support for my daughter for the next 12 years. Being alone is actually not too bad and you're young like I am and can find many other girls and have a healthy relationship elsewhere.
You better ditch the gear also as my crazy ex threatened to turn me in for a few dbols tabs that I had left over from 5 years before when I juiced regularly. Bitches are crazy and you dont want to be busted for possession(unless it's legal where you live).
-
Not saying my life was perfect before, but I was content. Sure, I should have finished college and dine a bunch of other stuff, but I have a decent job and was able to do the things I enjoyed. What I'm saying is that her trying to keep me under lock and key is robbing me if who I am. I'm a social butterfly, I need to fly from time to time.
You're a peacock, captain, you need to fly.
-
You have no idea how much I wish this was true, and I could just walk in mid-hump and end it all without being the bastard that destroyed the family.
On a side not, anyone wanna come over and nail my wife next Thursday at 4pm? Jk
We usually do it in the early afternoon....can you get home a little earlier that day?
;D
-
4. It took me forever to get her to goto the doctor for her blood pressure so she could stay in birth control....I don't see how I could convince her to go for mental health issues.
5. She does do that, and basically I just won't deal with her until she can check herself. I've never called her a bitch, girl, any of that...mainly because the one time I called my mom a bitch my dad beat the shit out of me. She's constantly disrespectful, but there is a limit where I won't have it.
6. I will check these books out. She's a big reader so I might could get her to take a look at one.
7. I've had her come with me and she wasn't comfortable (i workout at a semi-hardcore gym...the girls that come here are mostly lesbians or extremely fit). I got her a membership to planet fitness and she went a few days per week for a couple months, and then would only go when I went with her, and now she just says that isn't how she wants to spend our time together. She's very self conscious because she's gotten pretty fat, but she refuses to do a damn thing about it.
So she's not just controlling, but abusive and fat? I'd be looking at the yellow pages..
-
5 pages of this? Holy shit...put the bitch in her place. Tell her how the marriage is going to be and to put a smile on her face everyday, tell her to watch how she talks to you and make sure your house is clean and your food is cooked how you want. If there's gonna be babies it's when YOU decide the family is ready.
most importantly...tell if she doesn't like them rules then GTFO.
Holy shit....Americans.....
-
Dude what planet are you on? This is Getbig man, I've personally kicked 16 models to the curb for looking at me wrong. Before I marched them I came straight in here to Getbig to get the advice first, this is the ONLY place to come for relationship advice. I will give you a little tip, Dr Phil comes on here looks at all the relationship threads and then repeats the advice to his guests on his show, that's how solid the advice on Getbig is!!!!! You're such a schmuck, bodybuilding and being 288pds is waaaaayy more important than a relationship or anything else in this world, so at least you got your priorities right. ;)
-
Well said Voice!! Its time to man up Steam. Stop talking and complaining here and put your foot down. She will respect you more or GTFO.
-
Dude what planet are you on? This is Getbig man, I've personally kicked 16 models to the curb for looking at me wrong. Before I marched them I came straight in here to Getbig to get the advice first, this is the ONLY place to come for relationship advice. I will give you a little tip, Dr Phil comes on here looks at all the relationship threads and then repeats the advice to his guests on his show, that's how solid the advice on Getbig is!!!!! You're such a schmuck, bodybuilding and being 288pds is waaaaayy more important than a relationship or anything else in this world, so at least you got your priorities right. ;)
I heard DR Phil was useing his medical connections to start on a massive roid cycle and join the WWE .
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
First of all, don't feel alone on this. Many on this board including myself are going through a similar situation.
From my own experiences, marriages/relationships are like walking on egg shells.
I've go the added problem of having two dogs who I love to "have and hold", so it's a delicate situation.
I'm getting counseling, have you considered doing likewise?
-
I have only been married a few months now, and things are great.
but things were great before we got married and we lived together for a good while before hand.
sounds like you two had it good, got married went on the honeymoon and now have issues.
question: did you live together before you were married?
it sounds like you didn't, which can be a problem.
things are always different when you have alone time, when you live under the same roof is when you really know how compatible you are with someone.
did she suddenly change once you guys were living together?
-
I say he just ups and leaves the bitch. Go full balls to walls BB drugs and all out g4p.
See how the other half lives.
-
Looking back, I can see how she is now in the way she treated other people (like her mom, certain friends, waitresses in restaurants)....I guess I was naive enough to think she wouldn't talk to me like that. I would be up for counseling but she is horribly against it unless it is with her preacher (who is gonna say "pray about it and study the word."
Just shed your religion. There is no point to it anyway. I am 100 percent certain this will solve all of your problems. She probably won`t want to be with someone who champions reason over superstition.
There is your ticket out. Easy and you will become a more intelligent person instantly once you leave those fairy tales behind.
Consider it.
-
So she's not just controlling, but abusive and fat? I'd be looking at the yellow pages..
The dude is without hope.
Pathetic losers of getbig take note, even if your a 40 year old virgin its still better than being a hand bang for a fat cow.
-
I vote for the "fuck her sister" option.
-
Lots of vow breakers in this thread.
-
-
is there a life insurance policy on her? is there a lake nearby? Do you have access to a canoe?
this^^^^^
-
Never knew Santa had a homeless cousin. Good post.
yeah, the south pole branch of the Clause family was big on the beards but did a lot of cardio and stayed slim.
-
Too drastic and will make for bad blood.
He didn't get invloved and married to her in 1 day and it will take a bit of time to get out of it, the right way.
BUT he needs to file with a lawyer, asap.
Should I lawyer up before I walk out? I seriously don't have much to lose....even with my retirement accounts and all (which we have dipped into some) I have about 80k all together....even if I had to give half to get rid of her it doesn't seem so bad.
-
Should I lawyer up before I walk out? I seriously don't have much to lose....even with my retirement accounts and all (which we have dipped into some) I have about 80k all together....even if I had to give half to get rid of her it doesn't seem so bad.
When you stood before man and God at the altar and repeated the vows to eachother never to leave etc, did you mean it when you said 'for better or for worse'?
-
This is 100% true and the best advice for you.
It will be lonely and you will feel depressed when you first split, but it gets better with time.
After a yr goes by and you have met someone else that is good for you, , you will be glad.
Been divorced 3x myself and it was never easy and I'm not rich or have any kids.
Get out...NOW. Be sure to be a man, treat her with dignity and file.
Let her bitch , cry and scream and just smile , but stay firm and nice.
Don't call her any mean names or make fun of her. Try to avoid even yelling at her.
Do you own a home now or do you rent?
I hold my temper extremely well, so I will definitely be as stand up as possible about it. We rent (we live in my townhome that I've been in for 8 years).
-
At the risk of sounding ghey, listen to your heart. It knows what's right.
You sound like you really, truly want to leave. For what it's worth, I would never talk about my wife the way you do. Sure, we fight, but not like the way you describe. And the way you describe her, and the way you describe your feelings for her...well, that's just not the way a man talks about a woman he loves. It's the way he talks about abusive parents, if I may say so.
Clearly, you've fallen out of love with her. It's time to stop "chasing good money after bad". Cut your losses, be a man, admit you fucked up by marrying her, take accountability for the fact that even though this ride if fucked that you still played a part, take stock of yourself and your emotions, then get out. Fast. Like now. Stop wasting time. The lawyers can take care of everything for you. You're unhappy, and it needs to stop before it ruins your health, which all any of us have.
If you even love her just a bit, you know it's not fair to her to stay with her and ruin her life. She certainly doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with a man who feels so angry about her. She wants someone to love her too. Just like you do. You both deserve that in life. Because life is short...too short to go through it without love. She obviously hates living with you...she's so angry all the time. I wouldn't be surprised (and neither should you) if she expresses relief once the shock of a pending divorce sinks in. She'll see that this is good for her too. She'll feel like a failure when the marriage fails, and beg you to stay. But those are superficial emotions...the basal, truer ones are screaming at her to get out too. She'll see that in time.
And for christ's sake, don't have a kid. You think shit is bad now? Trust me...as bad as it is now, watch it go off-the-charts-shitstorm-in-a-teacup-bad when you have a kid. Kid's wreck the strongest of marriages. Almost wrecked mine. You need a rock solid union to withstand the shitstorm that is children. I wouldn't change anything now with my kids...love them and would willingly die for them, and I truly love my wife. But fuck me...when the kids were babies, it's like we were always one step away from saying "fuck you I'm outta here". Just this seething hate brewing below everything we said. Mostly, it had to do with sleep deprivation and a complete loss of control over our lifestyle, free time, and individualism. And the realization that forever and ever, our hearts would be tethered to these little people who had the ability, just by getting sick or dying, to completely and irrevocably change the course of our entire lives. That's some serious shit man, and if you want some of that, you need a woman you can count on through the ugly times. Because there will be a lot of them.
In short, get out now. Stop being unhappy. Stop making her unhappy. You are not compatible, and are simply not good for each other. No big deal...lots of people shouldn't be married. Pride yourself on the fact that you recognize it, and are getting out now.
Wow, its like you live in my house. I'm going to base whatever I say when I leave on your words here.
-
What denomination?
Baptist
-
I have only been married a few months now, and things are great.
but things were great before we got married and we lived together for a good while before hand.
sounds like you two had it good, got married went on the honeymoon and now have issues.
question: did you live together before you were married?
it sounds like you didn't, which can be a problem.
things are always different when you have alone time, when you live under the same roof is when you really know how compatible you are with someone.
did she suddenly change once you guys were living together?
No we only stayed together on the weekends. It was mainly a family / religious decision (which looking back, was not smart).
-
Real issue here is willie needs to man up and make good on those vows to never leave your wife, I mean come on you knew her before you got married.
-
Willie, I will tell you about a wonderful girl I dated before I got married.
Most that know this girl seriously questioned my sanity for breaking up with her.
On paper, whe was everything a guy could want: Pretty (had modeled and done some commercial work), came from a very wealthy family, was educated, worldly--well traveled, liked fine cuisine, strong sense of family.
BUT!!!! What nobody knew is that this girl hated herself. She had severe abandonment issues (let me preface this by saying that the women in her family outnumbered the men easily 3:1. Her father was a great guy and an engineer for an international company. Well, he caught the mother cheating on him with more than one guy, so after trying to make it work, he realized he had to leave. He took a job across the country. My ex never forgave him for leaving, as her mother had convinced her that she should just "follow her heart", and that people should love you unconditionally. The partriarch of their family fortune was her grandfather, and he died a few years before we dated). She constantly felt like I was going to leave her.
SO!!! This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would throw monkey wrenches into what many would describe as perfect dates/days/etc. For instance, we were at a fine French restaurant having an amazing meal, drinking Taittinger Blanc de Blanc 1983, and she tells me how sick she is feeling. I'm like WTF!!!! In true GetBig fashion, I tell her that I am enjoying myself, and I am not putting up with her childish games. I will finish my meal and have dessert. Then we can go.
She would often attempt to psychologically castrate me by belittling me (what your wife is doing). I would tell her that there is no need to act like her mother. If she truly felt that way about me, we should end it. She would cry and say she didn't mean it. I would tell her that while I truly cared for her, I would not date a mental toddler. She needed to be a woman if were to be together, not a child trapped in a woman's body.
She wanted a baby. I told her that she needed to learn to take care of herself first, before I would even consider marrying her, let alone impregnating her. She had a very nice condo, and had a cleaning lady once a week. Her place looked like a monsoon had hit the interior.
When things looked like they would inevitably end, she suggested counseling. I told her that while I loved her, I didn't need counseling. I informed her that she has been in therapy since she was 12 (more than half her life), and that I was NOT the source of her ills. I literally wrote out all of the pros/cons of our relationship, and told her that while no relationship is 50/50, it has to balance somewhere close to that number in order for it to work. I told her that as of now, it is like 90/10, and that she has 3 months to show drastic change.
She did not, and I walked. Not easy to do, as our familiies are very close. Best thing I ever did. So, she went for what many would consider a much "softer" guy after me, and after she was engaged to him for over a year, he called it off. She is damaged goods.
Best of luck.
-
A women will always bend towards a strong man - Confuscious
-
Just shed your religion. There is no point to it anyway. I am 100 percent certain this will solve all of your problems. She probably won`t want to be with someone who champions reason over superstition.
There is your ticket out. Easy and you will become a more intelligent person instantly once you leave those fairy tales behind.
Consider it.
I've never been strong in my faith. I constantly question all of it and we do clash over this. She already knows that I'm basically a Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter Christian...the rest of the year I follow logic. I will go to church with her when she wants to go, but she never wants to go anymore. I wish we did just to see other people and socialize.
-
When you stood before man and God at the altar and repeated the vows to eachother never to leave etc, did you mean it when you said 'for better or for worse'?
I'm a realist...I know things don't always goto plan, but I had a sincere belief that we would have a good marriage. We don't, and staying in it isn't doing either one of us any good.
-
I'm a realist...I know things don't always goto plan, but I had a sincere belief that we would have a good marriage. We don't, and staying in it isn't doing either one of us any good.
It's only been 6 months and you haven't actually tried anything yet to improve things (or maybe you have and I missed it or you didn't post about it). When I was ready to walk, I wanted to try everything first, to at least be able to say I made every effort and rationalize leaving in my own mind. Reading those books and getting counseling was the start of change. But that is key, her behavior needs to change. Unless she has a personality disorder/mental illness, she can change. There is still hope!
-
Willie, I will tell you about a wonderful girl I dated before I got married.
Most that know this girl seriously questioned my sanity for breaking up with her.
On paper, whe was everything a guy could want: Pretty (had modeled and done some commercial work), came from a very wealthy family, was educated, worldly--well traveled, liked fine cuisine, strong sense of family.
BUT!!!! What nobody knew is that this girl hated herself. She had severe abandonment issues (let me preface this by saying that the women in her family outnumbered the men easily 3:1. Her father was a great guy and an engineer for an international company. Well, he caught the mother cheating on him with more than one guy, so after trying to make it work, he realized he had to leave. He took a job across the country. My ex never forgave him for leaving, as her mother had convinced her that she should just "follow her heart", and that people should love you unconditionally. The partriarch of their family fortune was her grandfather, and he died a few years before we dated). She constantly felt like I was going to leave her.
SO!!! This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would throw monkey wrenches into what many would describe as perfect dates/days/etc. For instance, we were at a fine French restaurant having an amazing meal, drinking Taittinger Blanc de Blanc 1983, and she tells me how sick she is feeling. I'm like WTF!!!! In true GetBig fashion, I tell her that I am enjoying myself, and I am not putting up with her childish games. I will finish my meal and have dessert. Then we can go.
She would often attempt to psychologically castrate me by belittling me (what your wife is doing). I would tell her that there is no need to act like her mother. If she truly felt that way about me, we should end it. She would cry and say she didn't mean it. I would tell her that while I truly cared for her, I would not date a mental toddler. She needed to be a woman if were to be together, not a child trapped in a woman's body.
She wanted a baby. I told her that she needed to learn to take care of herself first, before I would even consider marrying her, let alone impregnating her. She had a very nice condo, and had a cleaning lady once a week. Her place looked like a monsoon had hit the interior.
When things looked like they would inevitably end, she suggested counseling. I told her that while I loved her, I didn't need counseling. I informed her that she has been in therapy since she was 12 (more than half her life), and that I was NOT the source of her ills. I literally wrote out all of the pros/cons of our relationship, and told her that while no relationship is 50/50, it has to balance somewhere close to that number in order for it to work. I told her that as of now, it is like 90/10, and that she has 3 months to show drastic change.
She did not, and I walked. Not easy to do, as our familiies are very close. Best thing I ever did. So, she went for what many would consider a much "softer" guy after me, and after she was engaged to him for over a year, he called it off. She is damaged goods.
Best of luck.
You just descried her and her family situation to a T. She plays the same games too.
-
Get out.
There are a lot of guys who would KILL to be in your situation. No kids? Not a long marriage? Get out and be free. Trust me. Don't give any thought whatsoever to what your (or her) family thinks about it. They aren't you. They don't live your life, they don't have to suffer the arguments day in and day out with no end in sight. They'll get over it.
I was in your boat. In a miserable marriage. I *didn't* get out. Then kids came. Marriage still miserable. It eventually ended but now I'm stuck with alimony and child support. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to the day where I can keep a whole paycheck.
If I could go back in time and be in your position, packing my things and leaving would be the happiest day of my life. Your retirement accounts? You get to keep half!? Wow. Count your blessings.
No sense in prolonging the misery.
-
is there a life insurance policy on her? is there a lake nearby? Do you have access to a canoe?
Ha! Somebody's been reading Theodore Dreiser. ;D
-
Ok, the best possible thing to do is tell her you both need a serious talk.
No preachers, no family members, no counselor, JUST you 2 in a quiet setting at home.
Look at her and in a calm but firm way tell her the following:
1. You really don't want kids right now and that is something for FUTURE plans only.
Allow her to reply and say how she feels but do NOT allow her to sway you and go on the next topic.
2. You still have love in your heart for her, BUT you can't live with her under the current circumstances.
You need to be free to spend some time at the gym and a reasonable time with friends, etc
If she won't talk or really discuss the issues you then tell her, you are moving out ( give her notice) and will file for divorce.
I think telling her I WILL leave might spur some change, atleast for a couple weeks. I suppose its worth a shot.
-
Get out.
There are a lot of guys who would KILL to be in your situation. No kids? Not a long marriage? Get out and be free. Trust me. Don't give any thought whatsoever to what your (or her) family thinks about it. They aren't you. They don't live your life, they don't have to suffer the arguments day in and day out with no end in sight. They'll get over it.
I was in your boat. In a miserable marriage. I *didn't* get out. Then kids came. Marriage still miserable. It eventually ended but now I'm stuck with alimony and child support. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to the day where I can keep a whole paycheck.
If I could go back in time and be in your position, packing my things and leaving would be the happiest day of my life. Your retirement accounts? You get to keep half!? Wow. Count your blessings.
No sense in prolonging the misery.
This is why on the rare occasion we do have sex, I wrap it up. She fusses about it, but I told her u simply don't trust her to take her pill and I'm not taking any chances. Kids are not an option at this point.
-
i holds an Ph.D. in history of bodybuilding from the University of Wisconsin
-
No we only stayed together on the weekends. It was mainly a family / religious decision (which looking back, was not smart).
sorry to hear. living together 'on weekends' is totally different than living together 24/7.
I have to agree with the others: sounds like the relationship is doomed.
a coworker of mine went through a similar situation with his daughter:
girl dated a guy for 8 years. got married.
then moved in. couldn't stand each other after cohabitating for 2 years and split up.
best of luck. this is not an easy situation.
-
Willie, I will tell you about a wonderful girl I dated before I got married.
Most that know this girl seriously questioned my sanity for breaking up with her.
On paper, whe was everything a guy could want: Pretty (had modeled and done some commercial work), came from a very wealthy family, was educated, worldly--well traveled, liked fine cuisine, strong sense of family.
BUT!!!! What nobody knew is that this girl hated herself. She had severe abandonment issues (let me preface this by saying that the women in her family outnumbered the men easily 3:1. Her father was a great guy and an engineer for an international company. Well, he caught the mother cheating on him with more than one guy, so after trying to make it work, he realized he had to leave. He took a job across the country. My ex never forgave him for leaving, as her mother had convinced her that she should just "follow her heart", and that people should love you unconditionally. The partriarch of their family fortune was her grandfather, and he died a few years before we dated). She constantly felt like I was going to leave her.
SO!!! This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would throw monkey wrenches into what many would describe as perfect dates/days/etc. For instance, we were at a fine French restaurant having an amazing meal, drinking Taittinger Blanc de Blanc 1983, and she tells me how sick she is feeling. I'm like WTF!!!! In true GetBig fashion, I tell her that I am enjoying myself, and I am not putting up with her childish games. I will finish my meal and have dessert. Then we can go.
She would often attempt to psychologically castrate me by belittling me (what your wife is doing). I would tell her that there is no need to act like her mother. If she truly felt that way about me, we should end it. She would cry and say she didn't mean it. I would tell her that while I truly cared for her, I would not date a mental toddler. She needed to be a woman if were to be together, not a child trapped in a woman's body.
She wanted a baby. I told her that she needed to learn to take care of herself first, before I would even consider marrying her, let alone impregnating her. She had a very nice condo, and had a cleaning lady once a week. Her place looked like a monsoon had hit the interior.
When things looked like they would inevitably end, she suggested counseling. I told her that while I loved her, I didn't need counseling. I informed her that she has been in therapy since she was 12 (more than half her life), and that I was NOT the source of her ills. I literally wrote out all of the pros/cons of our relationship, and told her that while no relationship is 50/50, it has to balance somewhere close to that number in order for it to work. I told her that as of now, it is like 90/10, and that she has 3 months to show drastic change.
She did not, and I walked. Not easy to do, as our familiies are very close. Best thing I ever did. So, she went for what many would consider a much "softer" guy after me, and after she was engaged to him for over a year, he called it off. She is damaged goods.
Best of luck.
Dr. Phil of peace.
-
Married now for four years and the best decision I ever made - of course we fight and argue but it never has that mean spirit it has in a relationship were there is no love.
She is the best woman I ever meet and probably ever will meet, she is a spectacular mother and hopefully will give me another nordic son in April next year.
Our relationship has never gone slow or something its still as funny and silly and lovable as it was before, I think the reason is that we got married after knowing each other for a year - we just both said, fuck it lets do it if it doesn't work out we get divorced lol.
I took her on two vacations before and pretty much got to know her on good and bad times - vacations (not the usualy package holiday but a bit more rought and tumble) are awesome to get to know somebody - but the real test comes when the boredom of the daily grind sets in.
Today we make a point every week we have a date night - kid is in bed we take over the house - eat well drink fuck watch TV with big chocolate mugs what ever makes us happy.
Once a week on weekend we set up a yard stick of culture - we go to a museum or an art gallery something the little guy can have a good time to - last week we went to Glendalough and later to the national military museum.
Relationships don't stay healty by itself, you have to grow with it - if you stay the childish uneductated boy she got to know a few years back chances are you will not make it - but if you find a way to grow with the relationship but stay true to yourself you are on the road to success.
one thing I need to add, for some reason (and that might be a reason why things work out well apose to most friends we have) things are never boring here - and we are not trying too hard to make life spectactular its just that I can be a fucking child and as my wife puts it - For my husband the world is always "new" ;D - and I do a lot of unpredictable and sometimes stupid stuff but it keeps us guessing, she is on the other hand extremly unpredictable at what project she is working on - so I guess its never really boring.
Plus we have both families in different countries so we travel at least 4 times year alone to our families not even vacation, that takes a lot of planing and preperation and of course we see always new things.
So I guess if It all boils down to its probably boredom that kills most relationshiops
-
Great post Stark and nice t see you had the insight to have a "date night".
It also sounds you both love being parents.
That wasn't for me, but it sure sounds like it has been worthwhile and happy for you two.
Nice post and good to hear about your wonderful marriage and family.
-
she will get fatter and lazier each year and you will resent each other more each year.
-
she will get fatter and lazier each year and you will resent each other more each year.
In the end , despite some sincere efforts to be upbeat, the force of getbig wins out, yet again. :D
I gotta recover from a high rep GUT workout at BURGER KING. I had the large whopper combo supersetted with a hershey pie.
Good night and good luck
-
Being a middle aged, married family man with kids, I can assure you that never in my years have I seen a marriage start off as badly as yours end up good. This is your life. Accept your mistake, and move on.
Your girl sounds crazy so I wouldn't detail all your plans. You want to protect yourself legally. If the cops show up at the house and she beats herself up, nobody will believe the 280 lbs bodybuilder. You think she is bad now? Wait until you are about to leave. Women are capable of great evil. Move your money into untraceable cash, week by week.
When you are ready for the big move, advise your landlady you are moving out but keep things quiet from the wife. Take her out for the weekend. Have your friends move all your stuff to your new place, and her stuff into storage. On the way home, drop her off at her parents and tell her you are going to the store. Quietly drop off the storage locker keys in her purse. Leave, and never come back. Call her on her cell and tell her the storage locker where all her stuff is being stored (make sure video is taken of the items by your friends). Then never talk to her again.
If you can, get a new job and move away. She sounds like the crazy stalker type. My friend Paul had a crazy sister. She was a total bitch. Psycho really. She managed to sucker a cop into marrying her. The marriage lasted 9 months. She came home on day and all the locks were changed.
-
Easy. . .
1 buy her insurance
2 buy her lots of insurance
3 she falls down the escalator at the mall
4 you buy a new Cadillac in her memory
-
You probably didn't know this, but the biggest contributing factor to divorce... is MARRIAGE.
Do NOT get married... ever. She will change and you will change... guaranteed. There is a tremendous price to be paid when either of you change... it's called DIVORCE.
Do NOT have kids... ever. It costs and average of about 500K to raise 1 child from birth to 18 years old. Thinking about getting divorced?... you'll be paying child support until the day they graduate from college.
All these things have very, VERY steep financial ramifications.
Stop thinking with your dick.
-
Have you left a wife / got divorced? What to expect?
I have been married for 6 months and its miserable. Definitely the worst decision of my life. Our families are both very supportive, but we are just too different and we can't make it 2 days without having a total meltdown fight. I have to get out before it gets any worse. What's the best way to go about it, and what do I need to be on the look out for?
Steamboat....is your wife the first piece of ass you ever tapped?
(Not counting the special back rubs your sneaky uncle Pete gave you as a kid)
-
Getting married is like loosing your virginity only in reverse.
I LOL'd IRL
-
Our biggest issue is that I have a life outside of us and she doesn't. She refuses to take care of herself or find a hobby or an activity where she can socialize. She won't go out with our friends and won't let me without holding it over me for weeks. She also wants a baby ASAP, and while I'm not against it, I'm not willing to have one now because our situation is so bad. We have had sex 4 times in 2 months, and now she wants to threaten me by saying she's not going to give me any if I don't quit the gym. Not that I care anymore, the times we do she just lays there.
Your partner should be supportive with regard to the things that are important to you, not a hindrance.
If she does not listen to this, you should not make a baby, but rather divorce as fast as possible.
NN
-
Easy. . .
1 buy her insurance
2 buy her lots of insurance
3 she falls down the escalator at the mall
4 you buy a new Cadillac in her memory
5 trophy babes
-
Being a middle aged, married family man with kids, I can assure you that never in my years have I seen a marriage start off as badly as yours end up good. This is your life. Accept your mistake, and move on.
Your girl sounds crazy so I wouldn't detail all your plans. You want to protect yourself legally. If the cops show up at the house and she beats herself up, nobody will believe the 280 lbs bodybuilder. You think she is bad now? Wait until you are about to leave. Women are capable of great evil. Move your money into untraceable cash, week by week.
When you are ready for the big move, advise your landlady you are moving out but keep things quiet from the wife. Take her out for the weekend. Have your friends move all your stuff to your new place, and her stuff into storage. On the way home, drop her off at her parents and tell her you are going to the store. Quietly drop off the storage locker keys in her purse. Leave, and never come back. Call her on her cell and tell her the storage locker where all her stuff is being stored (make sure video is taken of the items by your friends). Then never talk to her again.
If you can, get a new job and move away. She sounds like the crazy stalker type. My friend Paul had a crazy sister. She was a total bitch. Psycho really. She managed to sucker a cop into marrying her. The marriage lasted 9 months. She came home on day and all the locks were changed.
That might be a good idea but it would require the stealth of a navy seal
-
One of my good friends is an Engineer for an oil and gas company in Calgary, AB. He married the spawn of Satan, had two kids with her in two years, and in their 4th year of marriage things fell apart and they got divorced. He previously lived in a 2300 sq ft 4 bedroom house in a very nice community in Calgary, but now lives in a cheap 2 bedroom condo because he has been forced by the courts to pay $1650/month in child support payments. What drove him absolutely bonkers was when he recently found out his ex wife bought a Harley Davidson Fatboy for her new boyfriend that she has been dating for less than a year. He knows damn well it's his child support payments that paid for this motorcycle for her fuck buddy. He was so pissed I thought he would actually kill her - and him. He's an angry bitter person now that regrets marriage. He loves his kids, but he wishes he never got married.
-
One of my good friends is an Engineer for an oil and gas company in Calgary, AB. He married the spawn of Satan, had two kids with her in two years, and in their 4th year of marriage things fell apart and they got divorced. He previously lived in a 2300 sq ft 4 bedroom house in a very nice community in Calgary, but now lives in a cheap 2 bedroom condo because he has been forced by the courts to pay $1650/month in child support payments. What drove him absolutely bonkers was when he recently found out his ex wife bought a Harley Davidson Fatboy for her new boyfriend that she has been dating for less than a year. He knows damn well it's his child support payments that paid for this motorcycle for her fuck buddy. He was so pissed I thought he would actually kill her - and him. He's an angry bitter person now that regrets marriage. He loves his kids, but he wishes he never got married.
Great post and all too common a reality for many men.
Ya see folks, I have nothing against kids. I also like being married.
The problem is having being married ...with children. Ask Al Bundy if you don't believe me.
-
never committ, never surrender, never settle.
-
never committ, never surrender, never settle.
Bingo !
I would like to add this fine advice:
Hey SB Willie ,
The best defense is a great offense and I suggest you now go on the offenive BIG time.
Next time she falls asleep , trap her head undeer the covers and balst a massive gas fart.
Inform her she keeps gettinga dutch oven until her attitude improves.
-
Bingo ! This is exxactly why I got divorced 3x and am getting married a 4th time.
In true getbig fashion allow me present this in outline form:
I didn't marry or commit to the first female that game me some poontang...or the 2nd or 3rd.
I refused to be maninuplated into having kids by my 1st 2 ex wives just because THEY decided on it.
My 3rd wife was a sexy, cool chick, but if she didn't to commit to me, I wasn't going to commit to her.
I enjoy a loving,happy and romantic ( sey) relationship with my current finace'.
We are equal partners and each have our own careers. I enjoy sharing my life with her.
LOL....jesus man...better you than me. Fuck that noise...
-
This is my situation exactly. I do love her, buy I hate being married to her and everyday after working and working out I just get tensed up on my way home. She has told me we're going to have these problems until I quit the gym and come straight home to do whatever she needs me to do. Being big and strong is all the identity I have left....she always guilt trips me into not seeing my friends or family, I haven't watched a sporting event or gone out or anything on months. If I'm not her personal slave she whines and cries about how I don't make her feel special.
Is this even possible?
-
Being a middle aged, married family man with kids, I can assure you that never in my years have I seen a marriage start off as badly as yours end up good. This is your life. Accept your mistake, and move on.
Your girl sounds crazy so I wouldn't detail all your plans. You want to protect yourself legally. If the cops show up at the house and she beats herself up, nobody will believe the 280 lbs bodybuilder. You think she is bad now? Wait until you are about to leave. Women are capable of great evil. Move your money into untraceable cash, week by week.
When you are ready for the big move, advise your landlady you are moving out but keep things quiet from the wife. Take her out for the weekend. Have your friends move all your stuff to your new place, and her stuff into storage. On the way home, drop her off at her parents and tell her you are going to the store. Quietly drop off the storage locker keys in her purse. Leave, and never come back. Call her on her cell and tell her the storage locker where all her stuff is being stored (make sure video is taken of the items by your friends). Then never talk to her again.
If you can, get a new job and move away. She sounds like the crazy stalker type. My friend Paul had a crazy sister. She was a total bitch. Psycho really. She managed to sucker a cop into marrying her. The marriage lasted 9 months. She came home on day and all the locks were changed.
1. get fat. stop going to gym for 2 months.
2. start to suck in bed.
3. fart all the time
4. stop buying groceries or doing sweet things
5. watch college football nonstop
6. mutter names like 'bruce' and 'hector' in bed under your breath then deny it
If she doesnt just leave you for being gross
7. Start shitting yourself at random intervals and act like its no biggie. Joke about getting married while cleaning your pants in her presence.
Seriously, the ONLY way to shake a crazy girl is make her leave you. Reject her, and keeping you will become the biggest challenge/goal of her life.
-
Leave that woman, you know what's right.Life is way too short to be unhappy for extended periods of time.
For a 288 lbs 'man' you come across as a pussy,I'm sorry to say.
Best of luck and strength to you.
Peace
-
1. get fat. stop going to gym for 2 months.
2. start to suck in bed.
3. fart all the time
4. stop buying groceries or doing sweet things
5. watch college football nonstop
6. mutter names like 'bruce' and 'hector' in bed under your breath then deny it
If she doesnt just leave you for being gross
7. Start shitting yourself at random intervals and act like its no biggie. Joke about getting married while cleaning your pants in her presence.
Seriously, the ONLY way to shake a crazy girl is make her leave you. Reject her, and keeping you will become the biggest challenge/goal of her life.
pretty good tips here.
-
pretty good tips here.
The problem is girls like that seldom handle rejection well. The more you push them away the harder they hold on. Coddle them and attend to their every whim and they treat you like shit but reject them and they coil around you like a boa constrictor.