Believe you me I know brother, I know.
Like I said its an addiction. I have real hard time backing off the excercise, its like if i don't spend minimum 3 hours a day training (and that can be anywhere from 4 to even 6 sometimes) I feel inadequate, I mean that literally.
I have had 6 costisone shots in my shoulders in last 18 months.
I get fucked up heart rhythms, whenever I stand up I feel like dizzy.....but i just keep pushing, like I have such a hard time convincing myself I need a day off even on sundays, most times i end up going gym
Most people don't have this problem and CAN'T have this problem because they simply don't have the time to devote 4 hours a day to training. How on earth can you get away with just working 3 hours a day?
You have way too much free time and need to make a concerted effort to develop yourself more as a person and develop other interest besides your body. Do you read? There is so much out there that can expand your mind and open it up to whole you worlds. I use to be in a chess club and I loved it. The way it challenges your mind is like nothing else. But I just didn't have the time to devote to it. I've always wanted to really get into archery. The Zen-like state one gets when drawing a bow and focus on a target. Trying to keep muscle tension yet stay relaxed. It's an almost unworldly state. It puts you in a very special place. I'd really like to get into Muy Thai. I look at the discipline these poor souls in Thailand put themselves through hoping it will be a way out of poverty. But the tradition and ceremony, even the beauty inherent in high level athletes is something I want a taste of. I wonder what it would be like to jump out of a plane and just soar through the air. What a rush that would be. And what it would be like to travel. To visit other parts of the world. To experience different people and culture.
But I'll never do any of that any time soon. Like so many, most of my waking hours revolve around work. Getting ready for work, traveling to work, spending 9-12 hours a day at work, coming home, trying to unwind and get in a shake so I have some energy to get me through an hour workout.
You are so blessed having so much free time and yet you want to spend it in a gym. Why would anyone want to walk on a treadmill or ride a stationary bike when you go out doors and do that? Ever been hiking? So much of life is out there that most of us will never have the time or money to experience but you're preoccupied with how your body looks. Is there nothing else in life that interests you?