Adonis, you will be the Kurt Cobain of getbig. I have a feeling a shot-gun in your mouth will present you with the ultimate high one day.
It's a shame, too. I think that you could possibly use your passion for fitness for some kind of good (not sure what, though), but you seem intent on destroying yourself.
Depression isn't something that's fun to deal with, Adonis. It's painful, desolate and destructive AND you have to admit to yourself that you are, in some way, not in control of everything in your life. It FORCES humility out of those afflicted with it.
Adam, I wish I could help you. I honestly do. You obviously have major problems with depression. I honestly don't see you living past age 40 or so, and your undoing will be by your own hand.
Let your walls down and let people help you, Adam. There is no shame in admitting that you aren't in control of "you" at times. You've got to get your act together. I don't wish harm on any fellow human being (short of Osama Bin Killin), therefore, I honestly wish the best for you in your future. You seriously, truly and honestly need to seek professional help.
I've been posting on message boards online for over 10 years. Sports boards, bodybuilding, odd-topics, etc. I've seen guys EXACTLY like you a few times through the years. They LIVED for the next response to their post. They sought out boards as refuge from a reality they didn't want to deal with. They were very opinionated and sought out arguments.
All of the posters from various boards from various walks of life that I've encountered that posted like you (living through boards, clicking refresh once every minute, letting cyber-space define you, hiding behind a screen, sharing your life little by little, refusing to deal with reality) shared ONE THING in common:
They have all committed suicide.
Adam, I don't say this to you as a hater or as someone to thinks you are a dumbass (even though your outlook on nutrition is laughable). You need serious psychiatric help and you need it NOW. The BEST THING your family could possibly do for you at this point would be to THROW AWAY your computer and ask you to come back to real life. If your supposed girlfriend really loves you, she'd do so. Your parents would do the same. And, last but most important, if you Love you you would do the same.
Wake up, Adam. It's cyber-space and it will NOT cure your problems.