If you knew a good friend was being beaten/abused by her BF/SO...

[Butterbean]

Before you get down on the bystanders, I believe the guy was armed.

I think a lot of people would like to think they would react in a certain way if this scene unfolded before them but there is the possibility that you'd be so stunned you'd almost be in shock.  Sometimes you don't really know how you would react until you experience the situation yourself.

Good thing that guy seemed so drunk that he missed her a bunch of times!

[trab]

Everyone talks a good line of "what they'd do" but until they are there they don't know.
She made the mistake of not putting him out with one shot. Heavy object in the back of the head.
There is no way to wrestle with that much size advantage. I'm sure she got hurt some, there are several
news stories on it. I guess there was also talk of a cover up.

[Parker]

Well,  one must asked, Does the woma have a history of getting into abusive relationships. ANd does the man have a history of abuse.  Chances are to both those questions are yes.

If the guy is abusive, they tend to either be very controlling due to insecurities, and lack of being about express their fellings and lack of communication skills, often times it could be a learned behavior (from seeing Dad hit mom).

To help a woman out of the situation, one needs to convince her to go to a shelter, and NOT TO CONTACT THE BOYFRIEND! Under no circumstances, if kids are involved she should take the kids. Meanwhile as a woman friend, you should help build her self-esteem up to the point where SHE HAS TO SEE THAT SHE CAN DO BETTER THAN HIM.

Also convince her that a man does not beat the woman that he loves, under no circumstances, and that it is not her fault.  These are two common reasons woman will give as "explanations".

All ina ll that is what you can do. As there is a saying, "If you are looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm."  The woman has to realize that abusive relationships are not good for her mentally, physically, and emotionally, and especially if she has children.

[trab]

Well,  one must asked, Does the woma have a history of getting into abusive relationships. ANd does the man have a history of abuse.  Chances are to both those questions are yes.

If the guy is abusive, they tend to either be very controlling due to insecurities, and lack of being about express their fellings and lack of communication skills, often times it could be a learned behavior (from seeing Dad hit mom).

To help a woman out of the situation, one needs to convince her to go to a shelter, and NOT TO CONTACT THE BOYFRIEND! Under no circumstances, if kids are involved she should take the kids. Meanwhile as a woman friend, you should help build her self-esteem up to the point where SHE HAS TO SEE THAT SHE CAN DO BETTER THAN HIM.

Also convince her that a man does not beat the woman that he loves, under no circumstances, and that it is not her fault.  These are two common reasons woman will give as "explanations".

All ina ll that is what you can do. As there is a saying, "If you are looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm."  The woman has to realize that abusive relationships are not good for her mentally, physically, and emotionally, and especially if she has children.

Park, putside of a restraining order, do you got any legal tips, system quirks that come to mind? Good or bad?
Also, I'd say if/ after you throw the guy out, some simple low tech home security that can buy some time before someone can break in might be a thought. A Cell Ph too. This Biz can and does get real serious. I didnt make up the shotgun story. She hung around way too long. I guess he said somthing along the line of "You dont have the guts to do it", and tried to grab the gun. He was wrong that time.

[Parker]

Aside from restraining orders?Protective Orders/ or Ex Parte's, a woman can change the locks, and document everytime the man was abusive or threating. have a running log of events, so that in court there is paper evidence to in the file.

Also many times pepole will file Orders, like the three above, but will still contact the individual. Either because they miss them, or the person has promised to never do it again. So people will contact the person. A Order that explicitly says no contact, means NO CONTACT.

One can change the locks, carry mace or pepperspray with intent to harm that other person (remember that person is harming you). Get to a safehouse, stay with parents, etc.

And do not blame yourself for someone being abusive towards you, it is their fault for having lack of control, but one has to take responsibility for letting it go on.

Yeah Trab, sometimes if you try a person, you gonna get burned...

[ToxicAvenger]

wayy too many Dr phils.. 

you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..

i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..

[Parker]

wayy too many Dr phils.. 

you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..

i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..

Problem is ...it is a momentary solution to a bigger problem. He may stop hitting that girl, and he may start up again, or he starts hitting someone else. Then, you have her, will she take him back, or will she hook up with another just like him.

Remember that girl from PG County that was set on fire by her boyfriend? He was determined to do something to her, and the judge didn't take her seriously. Also the girl was seeing somebody else, knowing the dude was unstable...

[Deedee]

Aside from restraining orders?Protective Orders/ or Ex Parte's, a woman can change the locks, and document everytime the man was abusive or threating. have a running log of events, so that in court there is paper evidence to in the file.

Also many times pepole will file Orders, like the three above, but will still contact the individual. Either because they miss them, or the person has promised to never do it again. So people will contact the person. A Order that explicitly says no contact, means NO CONTACT.

One can change the locks, carry mace or pepperspray with intent to harm that other person (remember that person is harming you). Get to a safehouse, stay with parents, etc.

And do not blame yourself for someone being abusive towards you, it is their fault for having lack of control, but one has to take responsibility for letting it go on.

Yeah Trab, sometimes if you try a person, you gonna get burned...

Thanks for the info Parker!

[Deedee]

wayy too many Dr phils.. 

you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..

i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..

The baseball bat theory works great if you have a brother, father, friend around to provide the well-deserved beat down. But I think often women find themselves alone without manfolk to help, or have alienated themselves from people... in an attempt to try to keep it a secret. Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.

[tu_holmes]

The baseball bat theory works great if you have a brother, father, friend around to provide the well-deserved beat down. But I think often women find themselves alone without manfolk to help, or have alienated themselves from people... in an attempt to try to keep it a secret. Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.

As I will tell any prospective mates of my daughter...

"I've lived a wonderful live... I've enjoyed it. I hope you've lived yours and enjoyed it as well, because if you hurt my daughter, yours will be over."

[Deedee]

As I will tell any prospective mates of my daughter...

"I've lived a wonderful live... I've enjoyed it. I hope you've lived yours and enjoyed it as well, because if you hurt my daughter, yours will be over."

If that's you in your avatar, methinks they'll get the point. 

[tu_holmes]

If that's you in your avatar, methinks they'll get the point. 

I do hope so...

[Playboy]

what would you do?  Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?

Hey you:) How goes it?
I would defanitely talk her into leaving and pound some sense into her brain. Ultimately, that will be her decision and she will have to be the one to have that say. Don't get too involved because you do not need the stress or aggravation as it doesn't concern you. Do NOT put your life in danger. Plain and simple. If it is really bad, get her to call the cops and get a restraining order. Other then that, there is nothing more that you could do without putting yourself in the middle of this danger.

PB

[cl]

First off ... the lady needs to get away from the situation and if there are kids involved having to see these actions then CPS needs to be called.  you can depending on the state there are a lot of services out there for abused women... and this lady needs there help... try to get her to leave and provide her with some options ... and if she can stay with you for a while probably even better that way the SOB can be arrested if he tries to get at her at your place.... The lady needs to get a retraining order ... that way it is all documented and the law is on her side... that will normally be a good wake up call for the piece of shit that is abusing her.... I could go on and on but..... those are the basic steps your friend has to do to protect herself.  That and be a supportive friend...

[knny187]

Here's a thought....

Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.

If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.

[ToxicAvenger]

Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.

not when he has a few copper friends (actually he got his first 100 anadrols from one!  )

but even if not..it leaves one open..but patience always yields.. 

and sometimes you need not even use the bat..most bullies are cowards..

[ToxicAvenger]

Here's a thought....

Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.

If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.

BAR NONE the BEST advice yet...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasian_Ovcharka#Temperament

Powerful and massive, the Caucasian Ovcharka can prove to be a serious problem for an inexperienced owner, because it respects and obeys only those dominant members of the family that it deems superior to itself. They are generally good with children, but will not see them as their masters. The dog develops a strong bond with its owner, but will rarely be completely submissive and blindly follow orders, for this is truly a thinking dog which relies primarily on its own instincts, sometimes even disregarding its master's directions in certain situations. A breed with a very quick reaction time and lightning-fast protection reflexes, it has even been unfairly described by some as somewhat of a "loose cannon". Still, with proper care, handling and training, this is a well-behaved and obedient family companion

i've seen one..and i wouldn't wanna be a abusive BF around it..

[Laura Lee]

Here's a thought....

Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.

If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

[knny187]

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

Actually....I find that Male Dogs tend to be very protective over the women in the house.

[Laura Lee]

Actually....I find that Male Dogs tend to be very protective over the women in the house.

Yup, my Rocky would rip someone's ankles to shreds if they messed with me. 

[knny187]

Yup, my Rocky would rip someone's ankles to shreds if they messed with me. 

well...although I believe he's a ferocious ball of terror....

I suggest for battered women to pick up an XL version size of Rocky.  Possibly a dog thats about knee level or taller & one that requires both hands to hang on the leash as you're being dragged for his walk.

[ToxicAvenger]

well...although I believe he's a ferocious ball of terror....

I suggest for battered women to pick up an XL version size of Rocky.  Possibly a dog thats about knee level or taller & one that requires both hands to hang on the leash as you're being dragged for his walk.

[trab]

Actually, a new dog that don't know Mr beatdown is not a bad idea.  Free to good home 10lb LOUD Yapping
dog is better than a $20,000 security system.  That barking can buy some entry warning time.
Another low tech alarm is a noisy "Cow Bell" on the doors. Electric alarms can be defeated, but that bell
is pretty simple and cheap. Make it harder to get in every entry. Firearms take a good bit of use to get competent and comfortable with, but hey, new hobbies's are allways fun. Might pick up a new guy friend at the shooting range.

[Parker]

One thing, you have to feed the dog, plus, it doesn't shut down the fact that she is in a situation that is bad, plus a dog can be shot. If someone is willing to beat the snot out a woman, then they are more than willing to shoot or poison a dog, no loss of conscience on that one. If a person gets in a situation where they struck, not once, but multiple times, they let it go the first time, instead of nipping it in the bud the first time. A dog is not going to help solve that problem. It actually exacerbates the problem. It is just the same when a thuggish cowardly dude gets a pit...so nobody will mess with him. Instead of fighting his own battles he gets a dog to intimidate. Along those same lines, a woman needs to empower herself to not get into situations where she must play the victim.

[knny187]

Well...this is where I find it justifiable to shot a human.

You kill my dog...I kill you.

So you can see....like I said....get the woman a dog.  The abusive man will know his boundaries.  If he raises a hand to the wife....the dog gets him.  If he raises a gun to the dog.....the abusive son of a bitch will be buried because someone like me (an unassociated party that can't be traced) will track him down & snuff his life from him.