Are you married? Have you been married for years with children? Or are you just answering theoretically? Women who stay with a man who cheated are often criticized, but I think it's a lot harder to give up on a marriage after you've invested so many years together and children are involved. Especially if you love the guy and he is otherwise (aside from cheating with a hooker
) a good spouse.
Yes, I've been married almost 14 years. No children.
I'm not criticizing anyone who stays w/a cheater...that is their decision.
Your question was if he cheated w/a hooker....that indicates to me a planned, intentionally devious escapade. It's not like it was a "mistake." If he sought out and paid for a hooker, he is not who I thought he was.
Here's another thought. Assuming she leaves him what are his prospects? Would you date someone who had this very public episode in his past even if he had $$? If not you, what kind of woman would date or marry a man like this?
No, I wouldn't date him. I don't know who would date him; I'm sure there are plenty of women that wouldn't have a problem w/it and that's fine for them.
If he ends up single when this is all over, what sort of woman does he go for?
The unspoken element in all the press coverage of this story is what I call the "cockroach effect." For every one you see, there are literally dozens you don't see. Hillary Clinton, Jim McGreevy, Terry McMillan, Mrs. Larry Craig, Mrs. Ted Haggard--all had cheating spouses but the incidence of infidelity is far more common than all these judgmental talking heads on TV seem prepared to acknowledge.
No one--especially no woman--should be quick to judge Silda Spitzer. Remember the wife of Senator David Vitter (R-La)? Years ago in an interview she mocked Hillary Clinton and indicated she had better control of her man and that she would not tolerate him cheating on her. Fast forward a few years and her words came back to haunt her when her husband's name and number showed up on the DC Madam's phone records. http://www.thekansan.com/stories/071007/topstories_071007006.shtml
Are people judging Silda? I haven't seen that.
Why stand by these men?
The fact that Silda stood there next to him during his little news conference suggests to me that she may not leave him. He'd be in the doghouse for a good long while and she could milk that for a while...
Seriously, with a lot of marriage counseling they could work things out and still make a go of it, don't you think?
A disgraced politician apologizes to the public, wife by his side. He has to be there. What's her reason?
By Nara Schoenberg
March 12, 2008
The sight of a political wife standing at her husband's side as he issues an awkward apology in connection with an alleged sexual indiscretion is at once heart-wrenchingly particular and oddly familiar.
Haven't we seen it all before?
Indeed, Silda Wall Spitzer's appearance in support of her husband, Eliot, the New York governor who allegedly met with a prostitute, echoed that of Dina McGreevey, the former New Jersey first lady whose husband in 2004 admitted to an affair with a man, right down to the wife's choice of attire (pastel blue jacket) and accessories (demure pearls).
In what is developing into a set piece of American political scandal, Silda Spitzer chose to deploy the silence of Suzanne Craig, wife of Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, and the G-rated physical contact (hand-holding) of Carlita Kilpatrick, wife of Kwame Kilpatrick, mayor of Detroit.
"That's always" the case, that the wife makes an official appearance in the face of sexual scandal, says Kathleen Gilbert, an associate professor of family studies at Indiana University. "Even if they want to kill him, they're there."
What these women are going through is probably "pretty horrifying," says Gilbert, but their options are few: "Just try to put yourself in their shoes and think of all these years you have portrayed a public role. In some ways, it becomes automatic. This is what you do. You're a good soldier and you go in and you play the role."
Many political spouses are impressive figures in their own right, including Silda Spitzer, a Harvard-trained lawyer.
Experts offered a wide range of reasons why a political spouse might choose to undergo the humiliation of a public appearance in behalf of her husband: the alleged indiscretion might be a first stumble, the wife might be planning divorce but want the best possible settlement, or she might be deeply invested in her husband's political agenda.
Dina McGreevey said in an " Oprah Winfrey" interview that it was difficult to appear at her husband's side, but she did so for the sake of their then 2-year-old daughter.
"I thought about it, and I thought, well, I've stood by his side all these years. We have a daughter together, and one day she's going to hear about this or read about it, and she's going to ask me, 'Mommy, why weren't you at Daddy's side?'" she says.
The appearance by the wife accomplishes at least one thing, according to Northwestern University political science professor Kenneth Janda: "It tends to make the offense seem somewhat less serious. If the wife were not there, it would appear the family had fallen apart."
Interestingly, though, the trot-out-the-wife technique may be no more beneficial to politicians than it is pleasant for their spouses.
"It rarely works," says Brian Gaines, an assistant professor at the Institute of Government and Public Affairs at the University of Illinois.
"McGreevey was basically throwing in the towel anyway. He was stepping down. Craig I think is making it interesting and stretching it out, but I think his political career is over as well" as a result of allegations he tried to solicit sex in an airport restroom.
In political science, researchers have found that likability is not nearly as important in weathering a scandal as competence, Gaines says.
"People will forgive a scandal if they think a politician or candidate is particularly competent. And in [Bill] Clinton's case I think it was competence that saved him. People thought: Well, I wouldn't want him alone in an elevator with my daughter, but he seems pretty good at running the economy."
And what of the women who are called upon to perform the painful -- and maybe ineffective -- role of supportive spouse in a sex scandal?
Some, most notably Hillary Clinton, emerge largely unscathed, although it is worth noting that she did not appear at her husband's side during the live televised address in which he confessed to an inappropriate relationship with Monica Lewinsky.
Suzanne Craig is still soldiering on, according to news reports.
Silda Spitzer, 50, who is raising three teenage daughters, has not yet deviated from the standard script.
But McGreevey not only appeared on "Oprah" but wrote a book, "Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage."
McGreevey, who listened with an incongruous smile on her face as her husband announced that he was gay, later told Winfrey, "I smiled because I didn't want to break down. But, as his world was falling apart, he was still choreographing the entire day and how everything would play out. [He] told me when to smile, what to say if I was asked a question by reporters.
"He was telling me what to do, and he said, 'You have to be Jackie Kennedy today.' And I'm thinking, 'Jackie Kennedy -- her husband was murdered. You lied and cheated on me, and I have to be Jackie Kennedy?'"