Author Topic: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES! (Read 11101 times)

kiwiol · « **Reply #100 on:** April 11, 2008, 06:17:36 PM »

LOL, Chuck Norris who?

Thanks Musclephone

Blockhead · « **Reply #101 on:** April 11, 2008, 06:18:07 PM »

When you throw your Musclephone into a river it doesn't get wet...but the RIVER gets MUSCLEPHONED!

McFarland · « **Reply #102 on:** April 11, 2008, 06:46:15 PM »

Quote from: chris-a on April 11, 2008, 05:23:45 PM

standing in the $20 thousand kitchen in one of my $1.5 million plus homes, my only thought was 'it can't get any fukkin' worse' , where only moments earlier i'd been perfecting my new 'best conditioned' pop/lock posedown moves in the harsh halogen down-lights, all i could see now was a harsher reality written in stark black ink stating, 'due to attitude issues pumidas regrets we are unable to offer you the $5 million contract you have requested for you services' or some such FUKKIN' BULLSHIT from some FUKKIN' PENCILNECK MUTHAFUKKA. just then the phone rang, it's my darling barbarella, at least something good in my life can happen today 'champ, it's bad news, shittycorp have had to let me go due to some 'global credit crisis' or something, i dunnno, and the cleaning department is the first to get cutbacks - how we gonna afford the new rims for the hummer your daddy lent you?' no! this can't be happening to me, the great champ chumpali! i need more time to show the peanut gallery my trophy winning camera fone pictures - god, i beg you, show me a sign to carry on and prove to the world that upping the doseage for another year *can* overcome genetics - please lord...
just then, my other celly, which i only use for ordering my cell-tech supps starts beeping madly, i flip it open, suddenly my life snaps back into focus, more so than ever before as i read:

"craig titus drops soap - again"

thanks MUSCLEPHONE!

Very clever man. This thread's bringing out the best in several people. Thanks Musclephone!

dearth · « **Reply #103 on:** April 11, 2008, 06:49:06 PM »

the musclephone is also known to have biblical powers, the river also turns to wine!

thanks musclephone!

Quote from: TheBlockHead on April 11, 2008, 06:18:07 PM

When you throw your Musclephone into a river it doesn't get wet...but the RIVER gets MUSCLEPHONED!

Blockhead · « **Reply #104 on:** April 14, 2008, 05:02:19 PM »

Quote from: dearth on April 11, 2008, 06:49:06 PM

the musclephone is also known to have biblical powers, the river also turns to wine!

thanks musclephone!

Thanks, Musclephone!

Spoony Luv · « **Reply #105 on:** April 15, 2008, 12:27:49 AM »

This woman in the gym keeps looking at me. I'm used to getting plenty of looks but this has the obvious " I want to fuck you" written all over it. I was feeling pretty confindent this one day so i decided to go up to her and ask her out. Before i could get a full sentence out, she said "hell yeah-how about tonight--and by the way my name is Shasha". I smiled and stated for sure its on.

We both finished working out about the same time so we walked out together. As we were walking over to my Vette, she said "wow i love Vette's-take me for a ride". Of course i said hop in. At this time we have been cruising the city for about 10 minutes and wouldn't you know it, she already has my fly down and is going balls deep on my meat pipe. About a minute goes by and she stops what she is doing and proceeds to put a bump of YAyo on the head of my puppet. She does approx 3 or 4 bumps off my black stick and as she is finishing the last bump, i grab her by the back of the head and state "I fucking love you"

CON'T

Spoony Luv · « **Reply #106 on:** April 15, 2008, 12:39:06 AM »

Yeah, I know telling a woman you just met 20 minutes ago that you love her has weirdo stocker(of Lee Priest proportions) written all over it, but there was just something about this woman that drove me crazy. I'm not sure if it was the way she blew me. Or the way she was so open about doing bumps of Ya off the head of my skin flute. Or the way her adam's apple moved when she sang to the radio that drove my crazy. I just couldn't put my finger on it but i knew that i was falling in love with this woman.I've heard of love at first sight and all but never really believed in such bullshit. Let me tell you all straight out, I'm now a true believer of that shit.

So were driving around and she has been blowing me for about 5 minutes. I just finished busting my 3rd nut and i really needed some time to re-charge the old batteries. So we stopped on the side of the road and switched seats. I've never let anyone else drive my vette before but something told me that she truly was someone that could be trusted...I mean she had "Trust Me" written all over her.

CON'T

Spoony Luv · « **Reply #107 on:** April 15, 2008, 12:48:42 AM »

So were now flying down the highway going around 100mph. Shasha was really getting turned on now. I was kissing her neck and playing with her titties and it was driving her absolutely nuts. She arched her back and picked up her ass so that I could easliy get your pants off. At this point, I just dived head first straight down between her legs. I quickly pulled her panties off and to my surprise took what i thought was a stick shift right to the face. It almost knocked me unconscious and for a second or two i really did believe it was my stick shift. That is until i realized that my car was an automatic and the shifter was on the tree(specially ordered like the old SS impala's).

Now this really weird feeling came over me. It was at that very moment why i knew I was falling in love with this wo/man. I actually busted a 4th nut just thinking about what was going on in front of me. I then grabbed hold of this thing as if it were the joy stick of the old Atari and i was smack dab right in the middle of the highest score ever recorded on Asteroids.

CON'T

Spoony Luv · « **Reply #108 on:** April 15, 2008, 01:00:21 AM »

Thats when the shit really hit the fan. The cops were now right behind us and the bluies were flashing as we were going well over 100mph. I kept my head really low so the cops could only see one person in the car. And god damn could this bitch drive. She was weaving in and out of traffic and all i remember her saying is "what the fuck should we". At that exact moment, i realise just how fucked we really were. For i had a key of some of the finest columbian Ziggy hidden under my spare tire. I shit you not, i literally started crying. Tears were rolling down my face almost to the likes of when some bodybuilder punched me in the face in the gym.

That is when the miracle happend. I was basically shitty my pants when all of a sudden my phone started to blow up. It wasn't my regular phone but my trusty ol'e muscle phone. A text message kept flashing over and over with the words "MUSCLE MISSIONS HAS HACKED THE SYSTEM" ---" I REPEAT MUSCLE MISSIONS HAS HACKED THE SYSTEM"...It was like a massive spot light came down over Sasha and I. I knew that at that very moment in time, we had to get to the church. And we had to lose the cops before hand...

CON'T

Spoony Luv · « **Reply #109 on:** April 15, 2008, 01:14:22 AM »

To the church i yelled to Sasha. And lose the cops. She drove like a mad man or woman or whatever. In and out of traffic, up on lawns etc. We pulled into the church and i knew we lost the cops but i also knew that they had my tag number. And it wouldn't be long before they caught up to me so i had to do the old switch-a-ru. My plan was to go the church were my mom was playing bingo and i would switch cars with her. She would drive home my Vette and Sasha and I would get her car and we would be in the clear.

So i ran into the church and told my mom that i needed her car to help a friend move and that she could take my vette home. My mom being sweet as she is kissed me on the cheek and said of course son, here is my keys...

Well i've been hiding out at Sasha's house for sometime now. I've tried to get into touch with my mom but she is not answering her phone. I do hope that she is ok. I sometimes wonder if buying/registering that car in her name was the right thing to do. Sasha tells me that she is sure everything is fine and that its probably just the massive amounts of hormones that i've pumped thru my body over the years that is making my mind play trix with me..

I will say that if it wasn't for my muscle phone, I don't know where i would be today...I may of lost a car and a key of coke. And my mom may or may not be rotting in jail. But i've gained a whole religion over this...

So thank you muscle phone...Thank you!!!!!!...

columbusdude82 · « **Reply #110 on:** April 15, 2008, 04:16:52 AM »

I added 50 lbs to my bench and 100 lbs to my squat by switching to MusclePhone.

Special Ed · « **Reply #111 on:** April 15, 2008, 05:35:12 AM »

Nice work Spoony. Shawn Ray + Musclephone = Great Success!

Thanks Musclephone!

Blockhead · « **Reply #112 on:** April 15, 2008, 05:51:07 PM »

Quote from: columbusdude82 on April 15, 2008, 04:16:52 AM

I added 50 lbs to my bench and 100 lbs to my squat by switching to MusclePhone.

I just saved money on my car insurance. It's so easy a caveman can do it.

Thanks, Musclephone!

The_Punisher · « **Reply #113 on:** April 16, 2008, 07:16:04 AM »

I was stuck in a traffic nightmare the other day, and my car ran out of Gas. with no where to go, my phone Buzzed, and the message said, "Help is on the way"

Thanks to the Almighty "Musclephone"

onlyme · « **Reply #114 on:** April 16, 2008, 08:42:31 AM »

I found an easier way to wipe my ass. Thanks Musclephone

Lift Studios · « **Reply #115 on:** April 16, 2008, 09:40:44 AM »

Quote from: onlyme on April 16, 2008, 08:42:31 AM

I found an easier way to wipe my ass. Thanks Musclephone

All very believable stories until this.

G o a t b o y · « **Reply #116 on:** April 16, 2008, 09:45:27 AM »

Quote from: Lift Studios on April 16, 2008, 09:40:44 AM

All very believable stories until this.

How else do you expect an 800-lb man to wipe his ass? It's Musclephone^TM or nothing in his case.

Thanks, Musclephone!

mass 04 · « **Reply #117 on:** April 16, 2008, 09:46:52 AM »

Quote from: G o a t b o y on April 16, 2008, 09:45:27 AM

How else do you expect an 800-lb man to wipe his ass? It's Musclephone^TM or nothing in his case.

Thanks, Musclephone!

MusclePhone, helping obese shut in everywhere/

Thanks MusclepHONE!

kiwiol · « **Reply #118 on:** September 29, 2010, 07:49:30 AM »

Bump for a classic

The_Punisher · « **Reply #119 on:** September 29, 2010, 02:57:12 PM »

we need these classic post more often here. I miss Ol' Block