If you were a guy, would you date a woman...

[Thin Lizzy]

who had kid(s)?

A few years ago, I dated a woman who had an 8 year old son. To be honest, I didn't like the situation. I always felt as though I was playing second fiddle to the kid. Plus, I felt uncomfortable speaking my mind to him because I didn't want problems with mom.

The bottom line is that I'll probably never do it again.

[Butterbean]

Either way I don't think so.

[~flower~]

maybe if guys feel that way they should stop knocking women up then.

   

[Laura Lee]

To be honest Thin, what makes you think you should not be second to her child?  That is her blood, her child, her life continued. 

If you want/need to be first "fiddle", do not ever involve yourself with a woman who has a child or children and never yourself have children.  And I don't mean that as insulting, just honest.

[michael arvilla]

To be honest Thin, what makes you think you should not be second to her child?  That is her blood, her child, her life continued. 

If you want/need to be first "fiddle", do not ever involve yourself with a woman who has a child or children and never yourself have children.  And I don't mean that as insulting, just honest.

                                                 

[Deedee]

I find it interesting, considering this is a woman's board, that you didn't ask, "would you ladies ever date a man with children?" 

[Laura Lee]

                                                 

lol, you already know this my dear. 










But I still love you!!!!!!!!!   

[mbell]

To be honest Thin, what makes you think you should not be second to her child?  That is her blood, her child, her life continued. 

If you want/need to be first "fiddle", do not ever involve yourself with a woman who has a child or children and never yourself have children.  And I don't mean that as insulting, just honest.

Could not have said this better for myself. No ONE should ever come before your child.

[Thin Lizzy]

I find it interesting, considering this is a woman's board, that you didn't ask, "would you ladies ever date a man with children?" 

From what I've seen of divorced/separated couples, the kid(s) stay with the mother, over 90% of the time. So, it's a bigger issue if you're a guy.

Do you disagree?

[Deedee]

From what I've seen of divorced/separated couples, the kid(s) stay with the mother, over 90% of the time. So, it's a bigger issue if you're a guy.

Do you disagree?

Well, I guess the issues are different.    Many divorced men are very involved with their children, and since women tend to be looked upon (rightly or wrongly) as "caregivers" they're often expected to take more interest than a new man in the care of the child... babysitting, cooking meals, providing a "family" environment, etc. when the child is in the picture.

Also, since women are very protective of their children, they often don't approve of, are suspicious of, or openly hostile to the new "insert whatever unflattering word here."  Many a drama has unfolded between the exwife and the new woman over her (the new woman's) exposure to the children.

[tonymctones]

To be honest Thin, what makes you think you should not be second to her child?  That is her blood, her child, her life continued. 

If you want/need to be first "fiddle", do not ever involve yourself with a woman who has a child or children and never yourself have children.  And I don't mean that as insulting, just honest.

AGREED thats the way it should be

 I wouldnt go out of my way to date a woman with a kid, I know that sounds kinda bad but there are some many different dynamics that you would have to workout. That being said I wouldnt go out of my way not to date a woman with kids if i felt something for her. I think open communication is key and that if you express your thoughts and feelings on issues(child rearing, attention) then you might get the response you want I think most people are willing to compromise if they want to be in a relationship with someone.

[tonymctones]

maybe if guys feel that way they should stop knocking women up then.

   

LOL ITS ALL OUR FAULT, its a two way street and we couldnt do it without women.

[Butterbean]

Either way I don't think so.

I should maybe clarify this by saying that I'm not good w/children.

[BayGBM]

I would not date someone with kids.

[Hustle Man]

I should maybe clarify this by saying that I'm not good w/children.

Stella, I take it you do not have your own children, yet? I think if you had your own you wou have a different outlook on children.

I remember when I was younger I said I would never have children! 4 kids later I love them they humble you with their sayings and your sense of purpose is clarified, well thats my experience!

Yes they can be a pain if not trained properly out of the gate but they are true blessings. Now I can't stand teens lol they think they know everything and don't know anything but they will quickly remind you of what your parents had to deal with when you were a teen.

Infant/Toddler (0-3) are easy

Pre-School (3-5) are busy and need alot of attention

Tweenage (5-13) They are in the rhetoric stage more outspoken

Teens (14-20) they think they know more than you, even though their breath still smells of breast milk (the most challenging time for any parent), but if you do well in the preceding years you won't have much insubordination or rebellion.

IMHO

HMIC

[mbell]

Infant/Toddler (0-3) are easy

Pre-School (3-5) are busy and need alot of attention

Tweenage (5-13) They are in the rhetoric stage more outspoken

Teens (14-20) they think they know more than you, even though their breath still smells of breast milk (the most challenging time for any parent), but if you do well in the preceding years you won't have much insubordination or rebellion.

OMG you got that right! I finally like my daugher again (she'll be 19 next week) 

[dantelis]

Not a good idea to date a woman with kids, especially one who had a kid without being married to the father.  If it happened once, it could easily happen again, and then you are on the hook for child support for a child you may not have wanted.  In other words, her track record isn't too good, so best to avoid, unless you are interested in an instant family. 

Only way I can see doing it, is if you are actually interested in starting a family and don't mind "instant family" upon being married.
 

[Laura Lee]

Not a good idea to date a woman with kids, especially one who had a kid without being married to the father.  If it happened once, it could easily happen again, and then you are on the hook for child support for a child you may not have wanted.  In other words, her track record isn't too good, so best to avoid, unless you are interested in an instant family. 

Only way I can see doing it, is if you are actually interested in starting a family and don't mind "instant family" upon being married.
 

You can't be serious?    How old are you?  How many weddings have  you been to lately?  Unfortunately people believe less and less of marriage because no one works for it/in it anymore.  People get into arguements and go "see ya later" without working on the problem. 

Also, before you cast judgement on an unwed mother, remember an unwed father was equally involved!   

[tonymctones]

You can't be serious?    How old are you?  How many weddings have  you been to lately?  Unfortunately people believe less and less of marriage because no one works for it/in it anymore.  People get into arguements and go "see ya later" without working on the problem. 

Also, before you cast judgement on an unwed mother, remember an unwed father was equally involved!   

I agree with you Laura but I can see his point as well, more regarding the instant family than the other about track record although I can see his point there as well but that depends on the person. b/c it does take two and if even one takes precautions then you should be ok.

[Laura Lee]

I agree with you Laura but I can see his point as well, more regarding the instant family than the other about track record although I can see his point there as well but that depends on the person. b/c it does take two and if even one takes precautions then you should be ok.

To judge someone as being some kind of "trapper" or whatnot because they have kids is ridiculous (not that there aren't people, both male and female that do that), but to just assume they are like that is wrong.

[tonymctones]

To judge someone as being some kind of "trapper" or whatnot because they have kids is ridiculous (not that there aren't people, both male and female that do that), but to just assume they are like that is wrong.

maybe i interpreted his post differently I felt that he was trying to say that a women with a child out of wedlock has allowed it to happen once and might allow it to happen again assuming that the new male allows it to happen as well and then youd be stuck with child support for a child you did not necissarily want. Not that she was trapping the guy into child support by getting pregnant

[Laura Lee]

maybe i interpreted his post differently I felt that he was trying to say that a women with a child out of wedlock has allowed it to happen once and might allow it to happen again assuming that the new male allows it to happen as well and then youd be stuck with child support for a child you did not necissarily want. Not that she was trapping the guy into child support by getting pregnant

Takes two to tango and if you (the man) really don't want children, you sure are going to make sure you don't get the girl pregnant (wear a condom, double up if you are really careful).  If you don't take those precautions then you (the man) are also allowing it.

[newmom]

I can honestly say, turning 39 this year, I dont want another child (although I loved being pregnant). My little one who is 2 and half is enough for me. Unless I had a child with her dad again, I dont plan on it either way. Yes I have never been married, but if he ever asked or asks, I would say yes

[w8m8]

I felt uncomfortable speaking my mind to him because I didn't want problems with mom.

you are one of many who feel this way , I know women who are real touchy and I find that unfair and unrealistic
If there's kids involved those ground rules of respect and tolerance need to be talked about

It can be volatile and it makes no sense really

[tonymctones]

Takes two to tango and if you (the man) really don't want children, you sure are going to make sure you don't get the girl pregnant (wear a condom, double up if you are really careful).  If you don't take those precautions then you (the man) are also allowing it.

LOL Thats exactly what i said...