Author Topic: Great handful of cashews and a fresh tshirt=good day (Read 107155 times)

danielson · « **Reply #150 on:** January 31, 2009, 05:09:48 PM »

Quote from: NaturalWonder83 on January 30, 2009, 08:59:22 PM

today was a saturday and it came and went...but in my mind its still saturday afternoon and im still sitting in solitude refelcting on my past, present,and hopefully future

my day went on as usual...i worked and i drove my car...and i went to the grocery store

i sat in my kitchen watching the baked potatoes cook in my oven...each one wrapped in foil and baking under the heat of a machine...as I watched the poatoes cook my mind drifted and i thought to myself the poatoes were simialr to my life...each one wrapped up in a substance that prevents any freedom of movement...any chance of experiencing a different life then the one that is forced upon them...i felt the heat of the oven warm my tired face...and i imagined stepping into the oven and feeling no pain...feeling no fear...feeling no regret. Why cant we just step into the world and not care about the consequences of certian actions or events?

I have discovered facebook and i am shocked about all my old classmates on there...i have registered under a fake name and i have been studying them and seeing the success of their lives...its truly interesting

i reached my breaking point at the grocery store...i went to pull into a good spot and some asshole left shopping carts in the space...i got out my car and threw the carts down on the ground and kicked them

my fern seems to be dying that i have by my television...i have had this thing for a long time...but i guess evrything must go at some point-life will continue and life will suprass anyone who is left behind wondering "what if"

work was draining this morning...i feel worn down as i work with clients and stand behind the desk...i always look out the window of the gym and imagine myself enjoying life out on the waters or on the beach...i feel a change coming soon at work...i dont know what it is but i know something is on the horizon

last night as i was falling asleep i felt as if i was drifting off somewhere-its hard to explain-it was like a white jagged light was racing across my eyes...i dont know what tonight will bring

i am going on my date tommorow night...im hoping to get the deodorant stella reccomended for me...my pits have gotten worse with this gilette stuff i bought-the scent of this stuff is repugant...i cant take it anymore

i texted my friend don earlier today about somehting and he just texted me back a few minutes ago-wtf-someone is so busy they cant text yes or no...i texted him at 10am in morning and its midnight now...something is terribly amiss and foul-and i plan to find out what that mother fucker is up to

i am weary
i am worn down
i am at my wits ends
at times i feel like giving up the effort to please everyone in my life and just close my eyes and fall forward off the steps as i walk down them
i need a change
i need an outlet for escape
i need something right now

thats all i can think of
tommorow is another day

Good stuff Gene, I will say a prayer that Don is ok.

windsor88 · « **Reply #151 on:** January 31, 2009, 05:15:43 PM »

I think maybe your friend Don may feel since you do not have a fiance any longer then you expect him to just come around like before. You hurt Don's feelings when you neglected him. Hopefully you can patch things up. good luck.

danielson · « **Reply #152 on:** January 31, 2009, 05:18:46 PM »

Quote from: windsor88 on January 31, 2009, 05:15:43 PM

I think maybe your friend Don may feel since you do not have a fiance any longer then you expect him to just come around like before. You hurt Don's feelings when you neglected him. Hopefully you can patch things up. good luck.

No bullshit, that actually happened with my buddies a few years back. I was engaged to a bible thumper so I stopped going to the bar, missed bachelor parties etc. Then we broke up and a handful of my friends were acting like little girls like I was neglecting them

After a few months when they realized I was pretty much always willing to go out drinking any night of the week, they forgot about it.

windsor88 · « **Reply #153 on:** January 31, 2009, 05:22:36 PM »

Quote from: danielson on January 31, 2009, 05:18:46 PM

No bullshit, that actually happened with my buddies a few years back. I was engaged to a bible thumper so I stopped going to the bar, missed bachelor parties etc. Then we broke up and a handful of my friends were acting like little girls like I was neglecting them After a few months when they realized I was pretty much always willing to go out drinking any night of the week, they forgot about it.

lol. damn. I cannot picture you with a bible thumper with the rec drugs and all...lol.

danielson · « **Reply #154 on:** January 31, 2009, 05:23:43 PM »

Quote from: windsor88 on January 31, 2009, 05:22:36 PM

lol. damn. I cannot picture you with a bible thumper with the rec drugs and all...lol.

Yeah, it wasn't a match made in heaven lol.

QuakerOats · « **Reply #155 on:** January 31, 2009, 07:00:03 PM »

just saw your post from yesterday Gene, hopefully things will clear up for you my friend and you find some happiness.

mass 04 · « **Reply #156 on:** February 01, 2009, 07:45:48 AM »

How was the date Gene?? Did you get to 2nd base?

danielson · « **Reply #157 on:** February 01, 2009, 08:08:56 AM »

Any word from Don yet? I am starting to worry a little bit.

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #158 on:** February 01, 2009, 08:30:20 PM »

thank u guys

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #159 on:** February 07, 2009, 05:20:50 PM »

Saturday is here...all day I have worked at my job...ordered some chinese delivery...and feasted on chicken and broccoli
As I sat in the staff lounge eating I felt very worn down from the pressures of my money issues
I used my last 25 bucks in savings to buy my lunch. This morning it took me 5 minutes to get 8 buck worth of change from my car to pay for gas.
I have almost paid off my credit card balance. Next paycheck will help tremednously with my bills. I am 4 hundred dollars away from my credit limit so I must be careful when buying groceries this week and next week.
I am back at my apartment now. I have been having stressful nights every night trying to sleep. I keep hearing what I assume are mice in my walls. I have set up mouse traps on my floor and in the kitchen area but nothing has been caught yet.
They are doing more construction on the store under my apartment. They took me off the work sceduele tommorow so I am hoping to get some rest during the day. Each day I feel exhausted when I wake up and get out of bed. I feel as if slept in a sewer pipe over night.
My alarm clock stopped working a month ago and I have been using my cell phone as an alarm in the morning. The only problem is that there is no snooze button on it so many times it will wake me up but then I will fall back asleep after I stop the alarm.
After work today i had to help my uncle and aunt move some furniture and they cooked me a nice dinner as a thank you. It was glorious to have a home cooked meal...the gumbo they made was great. I've always had a belief on soups. You can sit down at the table and have the most disgusting dinner ever...but if the soup is good then all is taken care of. I feel a good bowl of soup warms your body and soul at the same time.
Today I finally saw my friend Don-he came into the gym to workout with a friend Ive never met before. It pisses me off because we have worked out many times...but for the past month we have stopped. He didnt even introuduce me to his workout buddy. I feel thats a douchbag maneuver and it would never enter my mind to treat someone like that..and a good friend none the less.
My coworker was wearing a black vest today...i asked him if it were warm and he said yes...I feel a vest really makes u look sharp. I dont care how ugly or fat or gross you are...if you have a clean vest on then you look like you are going on the red carpet. You could be buck naked with a barrell around your body but if you have a vest over the barrell then thats good.
As of right now my eyes are tired
My throat is dry
My lips are coarse
My body feels as if its reached its breaking point
My fingers ache as I type right now
My mind wanders as I type this and I feel as if I am being dragged down a corridor into a space filled with darkenss
I pray for the rain
I pray for the sun
I yearn for change now, tommorow, and for the future

QuakerOats · « **Reply #160 on:** February 07, 2009, 08:17:22 PM »

keep your head up and keep crushing that heavy iron Gene.

webcake · « **Reply #161 on:** February 08, 2009, 03:16:42 AM »

Stay strong, Gene, things will work out.

windsor88 · « **Reply #162 on:** February 08, 2009, 03:33:38 AM »

sounds like Don has a new friend. Very bad manners not to introduce you. Were you guys great friends at some point or just workout partners?

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #163 on:** February 12, 2009, 07:32:39 PM »

almost hit a cat on the way to work-it just popped out of nowhere...luckily i braked in time

i remember a few years ago i was on the merrit parkway and a deer jumped in frnt of my car...bad damage

on the way to work 5 of my fav songs played in a row...i was very happy

did some other stuff after and bought more pickles at the grocery store

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #164 on:** February 12, 2009, 07:33:30 PM »

thanks everyone for the posts

Quote from: windsor88 on February 08, 2009, 03:33:38 AM

sounds like Don has a new friend. Very bad manners not to introduce you. Were you guys great friends at some point or just workout partners?

hes a good friend

QuakerOats · « **Reply #165 on:** February 12, 2009, 07:41:40 PM »

Quote from: NaturalWonder83 on February 12, 2009, 07:32:39 PM

almost hit a cat on the way to work-it just popped out of nowhere...luckily i braked in time

i remember a few years ago i was on the merrit parkway and a deer jumped in frnt of my car...bad damage

on the way to work 5 of my fav songs played in a row...i was very happy

did some other stuff after and bought more pickles at the grocery store

i was taking something somewhere in my truck a couple of years ago and i ran over a cat that was crossing the road, i felt so terrible about it that i almost broke down, felt really bad about it for days, the worst thing was that i couldn't stop because i was in a big hurry and had to be somehwere.

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #166 on:** February 12, 2009, 08:03:25 PM »

Quote from: QuakerOats on February 12, 2009, 07:41:40 PM

i was taking something somewhere in my truck a couple of years ago and i ran over a cat that was crossing the road, i felt so terrible about it that i almost broke down, felt really bad about it for days, the worst thing was that i couldn't stop because i was in a big hurry and had to be somehwere.

thats sux

QuakerOats · « **Reply #167 on:** February 13, 2009, 08:28:52 AM »

Quote from: NaturalWonder83 on February 12, 2009, 08:03:25 PM

thats sux

i know man it was terrible, i actually went back a little later but there was nothing there but the blood spot, i guess someone picked it up and hopefully buried it, i felt so bad for days afterward.

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #168 on:** February 19, 2009, 08:21:54 PM »

I have just gotten up from lying on my floor in a daze...i worked out this morning and worked all day...as the hours progressed i felt the energy draining from my tortured body and my finacially burdened mind...i came home and cooked my dinner and then dropped down onto the ground...my whole body felt like it had been sprinting for a fortnight without rest...as my head hit the ground i kicked the crap away from me...threw my empty jugs of protein powder across the room...i bunched up some old clothes on the floor and used them as a makeshift pillow...my eyes opened and closed while the light from my desk lamp burned my eyes and scorched my imagination with images of failed opportunities and broken endeavours.

tommorow is friday and i pray that the weekend will bring me the closure i need
so cold...so tired...so worn down

elite_lifter · « **Reply #169 on:** February 19, 2009, 08:27:34 PM »

Quote from: NaturalWonder83 on February 19, 2009, 08:21:54 PM

I have just gotten up from lying on my floor in a daze...i worked out this morning and worked all day...as the hours progressed i felt the energy draining from my tortured body and my finacially burdened mind...i came home and cooked my dinner and then dropped down onto the ground...my whole body felt like it had been sprinting for a fortnight without rest...as my head hit the ground i kicked the crap away from me...threw my empty jugs of protein powder across the room...i bunched up some old clothes on the floor and used them as a makeshift pillow...my eyes opened and closed while the light from my desk lamp burned my eyes and scorched my imagination with images of failed opportunities and broken endeavours.

tommorow is friday and i pray that the weekend will bring me the closure i need
so cold...so tired...so worn down

Push through Geno, sometimes you have to remember life is very short and you need to enjoy everyday as hard as that sometimes is. The economy is in the shitter, my home value is steadily declining, we will see what Obama can do about the current status of the economy and woes of society.

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #170 on:** February 19, 2009, 08:30:17 PM »

Quote from: elite_lifter on February 19, 2009, 08:27:34 PM

Push through Geno, sometimes you have to remember life is very short and you need to enjoy everyday as hard as that sometimes is. The economy is in the shitter, my home value is steadily declining, we will see what Obama can do about the current status of the economy and woes of society.

hello friend...thank u...u are right...better days are ahead

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #171 on:** February 27, 2009, 07:50:39 PM »

ughhh today was a nightmare...i am back home now in my cave...in darkness...not just in my apartment but also in my heart.
From the moment I woke up I felt like I had no energy to start my day. I laid in my bed listening to my alarm blaring...finally I got out of bed and turned it off.
Work was mind draining...I am tired of working 7 days a week.
Then I found out that the staff was going out to eat at some fancy restaurant tonight. This was troubling to me because I pretty much am flat broke right now...I only have 400 dollars left on my credit card until its maxed out...I cant remember the last time I had a full wallet. Im hoping to gather a good amount of coins to bring to the coinstar machine tommorow.
So I got home from work and had to find nice clothes to wear tonight. I found a nice shirt in my dresser drawer...but couldnt find any good jeans. So I had to open my closet which I had packed shut tightly an all the old clothes fell out...a pile as high as my head. Luckliy I found a good pair of jeans...they were a bit wrinkled but I let the steam from my shower get rid of em kinda.
Then I had to find money to pay for the meal...I was able to get together 25 bucks of quarters so I stopped at a store on the way to get cash money for it. Felt awesome to hold a 20 in my hands...oh baby.
So I parked in the lot by the restaurant and as I got out I learned i had to pay 3 bucks for the spot. So back to my car I went and it took me a few mins to find change in my car...luckily I did. So after I pay Im walking to the restaurant and I remember my key is still in my car door! So i raced back and grabbed it. I need to get a key chain...my car key has been broken off for a few years..Im scared I will drop it in a storm drain one day.
So Im in this restaurant and wow I have never been in such a fancy place before...I am used to diners and chinese takeout restaurnts so this blew my mind. The glasses had long stems on them and it seemed like this was a place of high society.
So I ordered raviloi and caesar salad...and my total came to like 23 bucks...the salad was out of this world but the raviolis were a rip off...only like 4 small ones...my friend told me in fancy places like this they serve small portions.
So now I am back home done with it all
My head is spinning
My soul is searching
My hands are weary...they feel as if they are gripping a fence that is llit on fire...my feet are worn down and feel like they have been walking for miles upon miles of unforgiving terrain
I feel like i am on a neverending carnival ride that is situated in an inferno...itss as if my eyes are being scorched and my arms are being destroyed beyond recognition... my limbs are desparately reaching for the emergency stop...but all I am feeling is the memories of what should be.

windsor88 · « **Reply #172 on:** February 27, 2009, 08:28:30 PM »

what kind of sound on that alarm Gene? Buzzing, ringing, music?

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #173 on:** February 27, 2009, 08:41:00 PM »

Quote from: windsor88 on February 27, 2009, 08:28:30 PM

what kind of sound on that alarm Gene? Buzzing, ringing, music?

bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah

NaturalWonder83 · « **Reply #174 on:** March 14, 2009, 06:22:02 PM »

life has been happening all around me...even though i am part of it...i feel as if i have no control and no inclusion in the happenings of my daily life...its like i am swimming under an icy lake and desparately trying to find an opening to escape above ground

the economy has hit me hard...today i spent the hours before work trying to find loose change to bring to the coinstar machine...as i held the loose change in my hand i felt the coins drift through my weary fingers and drop to the ground...as the coins fell its as if time and space seemed to slow down...i watched the dimes and nickels hit the floor and roll away from me...my eyes were focused on the dropping change...but at the same time my eyes were locked on my scattered image in my wall mirror...coins fell...and my dreams fell with them...the quarters struck my floor...and my hopes struck a wall...the change rolled away from me...and my chances of gaining an understanding of my deamons seemed to roll away from me.