This is the funniest shit I've seen on here in a while. 
Just tell him that you'll find a big fucking stick, tie him to a tree, pull down his pants and ram that stick up his ass so hard that he'll make noises that'll break windows.
Then attach a big object to the end of a stick and make your best attempt at football tackle that object.
Hell, you might even make him "puke up" that stick.
Talk about being perforated!
