Author Topic: my "spank bank" is full for a year (Read 14363 times)

johnnynoname · « **on:** August 02, 2009, 07:13:28 AM »

even though i said i was gonna take a sabbatical from stripping, I took a gig last night. Actually, it wasn't a sabbatical per se- it was advice from my therapist. Something about resolving my "intimacy issues" or whatever. I mean come on, does a man who has to validate himself by going into a stranger's house, taking off all his clothes and dry humping a girl till he has semi permanent rug burns on his knees sound like a dude with "intimacy issues" ?! well, actually, it does but that is besides the point

anyway, had a 45 minute show last night and it was a gig where they wanted full nudity. Thankfully, i "tied off" and it was legit "dancing bear/ party hardcore" type action. and these were pure bred white girls- not a ethnic broad in the house. Blonde, some young, some cougars- i would the say that the homliest girl there was at least a "7"

the kicker was at the end of the night where i get dressed to leave and make small talk with everyone i come to find out that these are all teachers at a *********** high school.

the interaction went like this (no lie)
random blonde girl- "so is this all you do for a living"
me- "actually, I came to this country to be a gymnist, but that didn't work out, so i'm working as a personal trainer at ****'s until my acting career starts. What? you really think I was a cop. lol. So what do you guys do?"
other random blonde (with a insane tan) "oh, we're teachers at ********"
me "Really?!?! excuse me- i think i just came"
everyone lol'd at that line

dare i say that my "spank bank" is full for AT LEAST a year after last night- i've already beaten it twice since midnight- I will use the Law and order: SVU marathon on USA as recovery time

so anyway, the moral of the story is if you do the tabata protocol, tan at least 5 days a week, make up a backstory about being a croatian gymnist named "milos" making a living as a personal trainer/stripper then you will (sometime in your life) have a blonde volleyball coach licking whip cream off your "tied off" dong sometime in your life

the end

shiftedShapes · « **Reply #1 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:28:31 AM »

I would imagine that using a cock ring or some other means of getting tied off, is probably not very good for the equipment as you are cutting off circulation for a long time.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #2 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:30:00 AM »

Quote from: shiftedShapes on August 02, 2009, 07:28:31 AM

I would imagine that using a cock ring or some other means of getting tied off, is probably not very good for the equipment as you are cutting off circulation for a long time.

it is a "light tie" off meaning i don't double up on the rubber band.

plus, i've worked up to the point that i can handle 45 minutes and i "air out" the "tie off" every couple of minutes

spinnis · « **Reply #3 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:30:25 AM »

I think I might have herpes

Red Hook · « **Reply #4 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:44:22 AM »

Johnny, you threads are the best! they offer deep insight into life's mysteries.

why are you spanking off when there are room full of lusting teachers? did any of these teacher proposition you?

I wanted to ask about the "tieing off", but you know what somethings are best left unexplained..

job thread, please post more

PS..only in America do men have a "therapist"..in other countries we just beat our wives to work out any personal issues.

Quote from: johnnynoname on August 02, 2009, 07:13:28 AM

even though i said i was gonna take a sabbatical from stripping, I took a gig last night. Actually, it wasn't a sabbatical per se- it was advice from my therapist. Something about resolving my "intimacy issues" or whatever. I mean come on, does a man who has to validate himself by going into a stranger's house, taking off all his clothes and dry humping a girl till he has semi permanent rug burns on his knees sound like a dude with "intimacy issues" ?! well, actually, it does but that is besides the point

anyway, had a 45 minute show last night and it was a gig where they wanted full nudity. Thankfully, i "tied off" and it was legit "dancing bear/ party hardcore" type action. and these were pure bred white girls- not a ethnic broad in the house. Blonde, some young, some cougars- i would the say that the homliest girl there was at least a "7"

the kicker was at the end of the night where i get dressed to leave and make small talk with everyone i come to find out that these are all teachers at a *********** high school.

the interaction went like this (no lie)
random blonde girl- "so is this all you do for a living"
me- "actually, I came to this country to be a gymnist, but that didn't work out, so i'm working as a personal trainer at ****'s until my acting career starts. What? you really think I was a cop. lol. So what do you guys do?"
other random blonde (with a insane tan) "oh, we're teachers at ********"
me "Really?!?! excuse me- i think i just came"
everyone lol'd at that line

dare i say that my "spank bank" is full for AT LEAST a year after last night- i've already beaten it twice since midnight- I will use the Law and order: SVU marathon on USA as recovery time

so anyway, the moral of the story is if you do the tabata protocol, tan at least 5 days a week, make up a backstory about being a croatian gymnist named "milos" making a living as a personal trainer/stripper then you will (sometime in your life) have a blonde volleyball coach licking whip cream off your "tied off" dong sometime in your life

the end

Reign Down · « **Reply #5 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:54:39 AM »

Quote from: Swede! on August 02, 2009, 07:30:25 AM

I think I might have herpes

Symptoms my son?

ta ta

johnnynoname · « **Reply #6 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:56:32 AM »

Quote from: Red Hook on August 02, 2009, 07:44:22 AM

did any of these teacher proposition you?

you usually have to feel that part out at the end of the night. "feel that part out" as in you will see a girl with that "drunk girl look" in her eyes and you will focus in on that girl at the end of the night when you are getting dressed and talking with everyone. You will motion toward her, make alot of eye contact with her and, hopefully, she will whisper in your ear about going to the bathroom to make out. That hasn't happened in a while actually as most girls are HUGE teases..even though they will act like animals during the show

what will also usually happen is they will go out after the show and call you from where they are partying and will ask to join you- that didn't happen last night

Quote

I wanted to ask about the "tieing off", but you know what somethings are best left unexplained..

before you get to the show, you stop at a restroom somewhere

you start beating off with KY till you get a good boner then you get a rubber band and tie it around the base of you cock (behind the balls) so you will have something to really show.

Quote

job thread, please post more

the original "stripper" thread got moved to general topics aka the place where good threads go to die

Quote

PS..only in America do men have a "therapist"..in other countries we just beat our wives to work out any personal issues.

no truer words have been spoken my friend

spinnis · « **Reply #7 on:** August 02, 2009, 07:59:50 AM »

Quote from: Reign Down on August 02, 2009, 07:54:39 AM

Symptoms my son?

ta ta

Kinda like a shaving rash that itches .... Im gonna have to have it checked out, and Ive only been with the same girl now for weeks also, Im gonna fucking headbutt her if this is herpes.
But I dont want to ask her yet, because what if its not and then she thinks I have it lol.

lift 456 · « **Reply #8 on:** August 02, 2009, 08:01:56 AM »

what is a 'tied off' dong? i was thinking about going into dancing myself

johnnynoname · « **Reply #9 on:** August 02, 2009, 08:05:37 AM »

Quote from: lift 456 on August 02, 2009, 08:01:56 AM

what is a 'tied off' dong? i was thinking about going into dancing myself

i already answered that but i'll do it again

before you get to the show, you stop at a restroom somewhere

you start beating off with KY till you get a good boner then you get a rubber band and tie it around the base of you cock (behind the balls) so you will have something to really show.

also, you can also take a 1/4 of 100mg of viagra as well just to get just enough of a pump in your cock cuz it is just enough to get some blood going but not too much to give you a full stiffy. You don't want a full hard one cuz it will be hard to move with a 100mg viagra induced erection. You want size but you want mobility as well

"tying off" will give you that size but it won't make you stiff so you can move. you will end up with a cock that is huge and floppy

blackbillions · « **Reply #10 on:** August 02, 2009, 08:08:23 AM »

what country did u come from johnny

johnnynoname · « **Reply #11 on:** August 02, 2009, 08:09:42 AM »

Quote from: blackbillions on August 02, 2009, 08:08:23 AM

what country did u come from johnny

America but i do that whole "I'm really a Croatian gymnyst named Milos" thing as my own personal joke. Basically, it is a joke that is only funny to me

Ex Coelis · « **Reply #12 on:** August 02, 2009, 11:56:43 AM »

I'm watching "The Fabulous Life Presents: Jaw Dropping Celebrity Splurges"

it's actually making me sick

good thread from JNN, by the way

hoping to see you on VH1 one of these days

kyomu · « **Reply #13 on:** August 02, 2009, 11:57:41 AM »

Post some pics or videos. Otherwise very boring.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #14 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:01:59 PM »

Quote from: Big Poppa J on August 02, 2009, 11:56:43 AM

hoping to see you on VH1 one of these days

I hope so too cuz my "daddy issues" aren't gonna fix themselves

Quote from: kyomu on August 02, 2009, 11:57:41 AM

Post some pics or videos. Otherwise very boring.

i wish i had pics as well that way i don't have to rely so much on memory

kyomu · « **Reply #15 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:03:52 PM »

Quote from: johnnynoname on August 02, 2009, 12:01:59 PM

I hope so too cuz my "daddy issues" aren't gonna fix themselves

i wish i had pics as well that way i don't have to rely so much on memory

Its easy. You bring camera everywhere.
Or,cellphone camera is enough and better than nothing.
No image= didnt happen.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #16 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:05:53 PM »

Quote from: kyomu on August 02, 2009, 12:03:52 PM

Its easy. You bring camera everywhere.
Or,cellphone camera is enough and better than nothing.
No image= didnt happen.

*takes notes*

btw, did you ever compete with Taiji Ishimori?

EDIT:

note to self: find way to hide cell phone in rectum

kyomu · « **Reply #17 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:09:29 PM »

Quote from: johnnynoname on August 02, 2009, 12:05:53 PM

*takes notes*

btw, did you ever compete with Taiji Ishimori?

EDIT:

note to self: find way to hide cell phone in rectum

Taiji Ishimori?
Who is this?

I have competed only once in japan.

ManBearPig... · « **Reply #18 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:09:46 PM »

Milos is a Serbian name. Just giving you a heads up for when you run into a real croat/serb that'll question you. So i'd either change the name to a croatian one or say you're a Croat Serb.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #19 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:12:05 PM »

Quote from: kyomu on August 02, 2009, 12:09:29 PM

Taiji Ishimori?
Who is this?

I have competed only once in japan.

he wrestles for NOAH but he does shows in japan as well

last year he posed to "Spartan X" which was Misawa's theme

kyomu · « **Reply #20 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:12:51 PM »

Quote from: johnnynoname on August 02, 2009, 12:05:53 PM

*takes notes*

btw, did you ever compete with Taiji Ishimori?

EDIT:

note to self: find way to hide cell phone in rectum

I have googled it now.
A handsome wrestler. Must be popular among chics.
Was he a BBer?

johnnynoname · « **Reply #21 on:** August 02, 2009, 12:13:29 PM »

Quote from: ManBearPig... on August 02, 2009, 12:09:46 PM

Milos is a Serbian name. Just giving you a heads up for when you run into a real croat/serb that'll question you. So i'd either change the name to a croatian one or say you're a Croat Serb.

thanks for the heads up

my new "real name" will be "mirko filopovic"