Living with BPD

[drkaje]

trouble is we don't look - nor are - disabled and I refuse to be called as such.  we just think faster.

in fact we are far more enabled than most...



Anyways, you're right.  noone expects needs or wants a moody or mental girlfriend

given the choice, you'd prefer the daft dyed-blonde with fake boobs type, surely?




madly,
xxxL

Labels don't matter, Linda.

No matter what cute spin we'd love to put on things, medical conditions are being discussed. It's certain diabetics love cake, LOL! If a diabetic said "I love how cake makes me feel and don't mind the occasional crash. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just that my body processes sugar different than yours does.", we'd all start talking about amputations, retinopathy, nerve damage, etc... When someone with a mental disease says "it really doesn't suck that bad once you're used to it" everyone says OK.

I'm more a butt than boob guy. Don't take it the wrong way, they're appreciated but don't really make women more attractive to me and they barely get noticed.

[xxxLinda]

too true.  my bestest oldest girlfriend who was diabetic lived in my flat whilst I went to work.  I'd come home and she would've cut up all my magazines and made a scrapbook, spent the rent money and have eaten a six-pack of chocolate donuts, dyed her hair orange, put on my turquoise wrap and gone into a coma.  We'd have to phone the ambulance and take her in to Emergency and give her a choccy bar to be going on with.  She taught me how to do her insulin injection, but never gave me time to do so.

Maybe we all have addictions and multiple neurosis?  Perhaps we are diagnosed with conumdrums and deal with them as best we can?  Maybe we all deserve what we get?  (Susie died of aids, at 30, by the way, after falling in love with a bloke who had messed about).



I think each and all of us have little idiosyncranicies (sp).  And some are better than others.

Survival of the fittest?


Mental health issues get noticed if perhaps you scream or cry.  You either find help or you don't.  Then you just get over it, somehow.



Or if you live in or dislike an insular place like the US of A, you go get a gun and kill everyone.  Sorry I'm being countryist...





I believe that legs are a girls' best asset... 

or perhaps brains.


the bits inbetween you can alter and improve as you wish at the gym.  And your legs whilst at it.


xL

where's ~flower~ when you need her?  it's nearly 5pm here so you lot in the US on the eastern coastal time zone must be up by now?

[drkaje]

Linda,

God has gone this long without making any perfect people and probably will not start now.

It's just a matter of if a person wants to intentionally deal with someone else's issues on a daily basis.

[xxxLinda]

Yeppers.  For sure.  Too true.

But you sound holier than thou and as if you've never suffered...




madly
xL

>>>see the about the weather thread and thereby perhaps take on board how others braver than us live?

[~flower~]

I applaud Brixton's ex for getting help. There's really just no good reason for him to be overly involved in her business at this point, especially considering he'll probably be dating someone else soon and no one needs to do with extra drama on purpose.

Who are you to decide what he should or shouldn't do?  That is for HIM to decide.  He alone knows the whole situation and what he can or can't deal with in his life. 

You really are a pompous self involved ass drkock!  Why don't you continue to keep your life in neat little boxes and stop thinking people should live their lives the way you think they should.


For once I can honestly say Linda makes more sense than you do, and I respect what she has said in this thread.

 I sure hope your kids are and continue to remain perfect, whatever will you do if they are flawed? 

 

[xxxLinda]

not sure whether 'tis best to let this thread lie or whether to carry on...

So I carry on.



We all get upset when other peeps decree things ought be as they say so.

Life would then be bloody boring, wouldn't it?



I prefer things to be unbelievable, weird and fantastic, they then seem to have utter syncronicity. 




Stuff which is total madness often makes so much sense !   Plus it makes you laugh...



with mad love,
xL

[drkaje]

Who are you to decide what he should or shouldn't do?  That is for HIM to decide.  He alone knows the whole situation and what he can or can't deal with in his life. 

You really are a pompous self involved ass drkock!  Why don't you continue to keep your life in neat little boxes and stop thinking people should live their lives the way you think they should.


For once I can honestly say Linda makes more sense than you do, and I respect what she has said in this thread.

 I sure hope your kids are and continue to remain perfect, whatever will you do if they are flawed? 

 

Easy for someone in your position to say.

I really don't see how deciding to deal with someone's issues or not is being pompous. Since they're no longer dating his being a good friend and supportive is cool but most chicks aren't too much into having their dude hanging out with or "Being there for her" all the time.

He could marry her make babies with the same issue for all I care. He should just be honest with himself when making the decision.

My initial post was pretty much tongue and cheek. It wasn't until Linda blurred the definitions that a serious reply was warranted. I know plenty of people who have married, had kids with, dated, banged, treated, work with, etc.. those who have depression, Bipolar, BPD, and a lot of other stuff going on. Those who stay in the situation too long eventually get burned the heck out, it's human nature.

I don't like neat boxes and no one is perfect. Not the point at all, I just know what works for me and which situations would be a poor use of time. It's a pretty simplistic thought process. A PETA person probably wouldn't date someone who loved steak.

[~flower~]

It's pompous that you expect people should live by YOUR terms that you have set in your life.

 Every situation is different, every person is different.  Brixton did not give any details on how their relationship had been, so to just tell him to move on when he obviously cares is not your place to say.

Again, I hope your kids remain perfect and you won't have to deal with any issues with them and they have to deal with people like you.  

[drkaje]

It's pompous that you expect people should live by YOUR terms that you have set in your life.

 Every situation is different, every person is different.  Brixton did not give any details on how their relationship had been, so to just tell him to move on when he obviously cares is not your place to say.

Again, I hope your kids remain perfect and you won't have to deal with any issues with them and they have to deal with people like you.  

Brixton asked for opinions and some were given.

Obviously, an opinion that honest might come across a little harsh to someone in your position. Since it was his thread, those were the feelings being taken into consideration.

You and Linda do bring up some interesting points but asking what I'm legitimately curious about would hijack the thread.

I only know what does/doesn't work for Jake. 

No one's perfect.

All kidding aside: I feel Brixton should be a good friend but not overly involved in her daily life. There's not a darn thing he can do to be helpful, and remain fair to himself, beyond that.

[Brixtonbulldog]

I appreciate all the opinions given.  The relationship had been great up until about 4 days before the break up.  But that's how fast this can happen with a disorder like this.  It's a roller coaster like you cannot imagine. 

[drkaje]

I appreciate all the opinions given.  The relationship had been great up until about 4 days before the break up.  But that's how fast this can happen with a disorder like this.  It's a roller coaster like you cannot imagine. 

All the best, Brixton.

I hope our nonsense didn't stop you from getting reasonable opinions.

[~flower~]

Brixton asked for opinions and some were given.

Obviously, an opinion that honest might come across a little harsh to someone in your position. Since it was his thread, those were the feelings being taken into consideration.

You and Linda do bring up some interesting points but asking what I'm legitimately curious about would hijack the thread.

I only know what does/doesn't work for Jake. 

No one's perfect.

All kidding aside: I feel Brixton should be a good friend but not overly involved in her daily life. There's not a darn thing he can do to be helpful, and remain fair to himself, beyond that.

Brixton asked for information on how to help this person, not whether he should be with her or not.   And if you had read my first reply I told him to cut her off.  That was based on my thinking he broke up with her, instead of her breaking up with him. After finding out she ended it with him and her reasons for doing so, I think he can be in her life. But that really is between both of them.

Really, there is not a darn thing he can do to be helpful without being fair to himself?   You mean what YOU consider being fair.  Seems to me like this girl has her head on pretty good and is very aware of what steps she should take to better her life, and it seems to me that Brixton really cares about her, something I seriously think you even have the capability of doing about ANYONE given how quick you are to tell everyone to kick someone to the curb and go out and get the next person, no biggie. 

You are a very shallow and hollow person drkock, I pity your children if they ever are "flawed" in your eyes and how unfair it will be to you to have to deal with them.

  Go start another thread and ask the questions you want to ask.  I can hardly wait.   

[~flower~]

All the best, Brixton.

I hope MY nonsense didn't stop you from getting reasonable opinions.

  fixed    

[drkaje]

Brixton asked for information on how to help this person, not whether he should be with her or not.   And if you had read my first reply I told him to cut her off.  That was based on my thinking he broke up with her, instead of her breaking up with him. After finding out she ended it with him and her reasons for doing so, I think he can be in her life. But that really is between both of them.

Really, there is not a darn thing he can do to be helpful without being fair to himself?   You mean what YOU consider being fair.  Seems to me like this girl has her head on pretty good and is very aware of what steps she should take to better her life, and it seems to me that Brixton really cares about her, something I seriously think you even have the capability of doing about ANYONE given how quick you are to tell everyone to kick someone to the curb and go out and get the next person, no biggie. 

You are a very shallow and hollow person drkock, I pity your children if they ever are "flawed" in your eyes and how unfair it will be to you to have to deal with them.

  Go start another thread and ask the questions you want to ask.  I can hardly wait.   

~flower~,

I promised Stella a certain standard of behavior in exchange for posting here and will let this go. If you really had difficulty or took umbrage to my heavily edited comments it's relatively certain an honest, unvarnished response here would go over any better. Additionally, such commentary would more than likely reduce other's enjoyment of the forum.

We'll just have to agree to disagree. Brixton's question was about his ex gf, not you. Everything in the world isn't about you and you're not the only person affected with BPD. Having/being something and internet access doesn't make people experts expert.

Almost everyone I've ever asked the question has said no, LOL! I'm not really interested in the yes or no response, but the reasons people give.

[Princess L]

Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it?  I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.

A few years back I called up one of my dearest friends (kind of a second mom).  She said she couldn't talk because she was on the other line with her daughter who was in a bad way.  I had always known "Lisa" had "issues" but never quite understood them.  We're only 3 years apart and I've known her since she was born (mom and 2nd mom are best friends).  Over the years she seemed to live a normal existence ~ excellent student, military, married, kids, etc. (although now divorced).  After some quick prodding I asked if Lisa seemed suicidal and she said yes.  Since her mom lives in another state and I was only about 20 mins from Lisa, I drove over there (with a police escort - got pulled over for speeding).  Little did I know what I was getting into.

When I first arrived she was curled up in a ball on the floor.  There were razor blades all over the place - that scared the shit out of me.  I later found out she was a "cutter".  After talking awhile, she seemed to "snap out of it".  Actually, she seemed very normal, articulate and funny.  Spent the night talking and catching up and over the next couple of months I would make daily trips over there and learned more and more about her disorder.  Her medication was messed up and it seemed like her Dr. was constantly making changes to it.  I sat in on a couple of her psych appts. and also met separately with the Dr.  Actually, I was able to lend some insight into her childhood.  What she refused to acknowledge or blocked out was that she was sexually abused by her father beginning at a very young age (like 1 or 2).  He also allowed his friends to abuse her too.  What a sicko  We were unable to convince her to "check herself in".  Eventually, her mom was able to convince her to move to her state.  I haven't seen or heard from her since, nor has her mother since shortly after moving there.  It was an extremely exhausting couple of months.  I hope she's okay.

[~flower~]

~flower~,

I promised Stella a certain standard of behavior in exchange for posting here and will let this go. If you really had difficulty or took umbrage to my heavily edited comments it's relatively certain an honest, unvarnished response here would go over any better. Additionally, such commentary would more than likely reduce other's enjoyment of the forum.

We'll just have to agree to disagree. Brixton's question was about his ex gf, not you. Everything in the world isn't about you and you're not the only person affected with BPD. Having/being something and internet access doesn't make people experts expert.

Almost everyone I've ever asked the question has said no, LOL! I'm not really interested in the yes or no response, but the reasons people give.

  I think it should be everything is not about YOU drkock.      Here is Brixton's original question:

Anyone has any personal experience with this or dealing with someone suffering from it?  I feel there isn't much I can do to help especially since we're dealing with the break-up at the same time.

He asked for anyone with personal experience with it or who suffers from it.  He did not ask whether he should be involved with this person, but appeared to be trying to be a part in their life and help this person if he could so wanted ACTUAL EXPERIENCE comments, not your PERSONAL thoughts on having this person in his life at all.   

Seems to me I am the most qualified to speak in this thread, and I gave pretty balanced comments based on what he said, which I altered when I had more information.
 

  You want to start a thread about should people date crazy people or not, that would be a whole nother thread that has nothing to do with this one.  

[drkaje]

  I think it should be everything is not about YOU drkock.      Here is Brixton's original question:

He asked for anyone with personal experience with it or who suffers from it.  He did not ask whether he should be involved with this person, but appeared to be trying to be a part in their life and help this person if he could so wanted ACTUAL EXPERIENCE comments, not your PERSONAL thoughts on having this person in his life at all.   

Seems to me I am the most qualified to speak in this thread, and I gave pretty balanced comments based on what he said, which I altered when I had more information.
 

  You want to start a thread about should people date crazy people or not, that would be a whole nother thread that has nothing to do with this one.  

Next time you take the time to quote someone, please read their post.

Your experiences only apply to you and really don't lend any expertise beyond yourself.

My interactions (both personal and professional) with those with issues and/or family and friends only lends perspective, not expertise. Someone in your position is probably too close to the issue because your 'normal' really isn't the same as that of someone unaffected.

Brixton really can't help much and probably feels a little frustrated. I mean really, if someone was clinically depressed a few hugs and saying "cheer up, things aren't so bad, suck it up" just won't help. That's not a case of my being mean, unfeeling, liking neat boxes or anything else simply a medical fact.

I'd much rather give hugs than drugs but there are just a lot of cases where people would not get well.

[~flower~]

   Yes, it clouded my comments so badly that when I thought he had broken up with her I told him to stay out of her life.       

Being that I actually read his his posts and I believe I came to the correct conclusion that he genuinely wants to help her, I answered him with actual information he could use and pass on to her.  Unlike you I will not tell him what he should do, but actually answer helpfully to what he asked. 

 Now isn't it ironic that I could do that, and you could not?   I did not let myself cloud my responses, but you did. 

 I feel very sad for you that you think there is not a thing that he could do to be productive in her life.        At least his ex is addressing her problems unlike some people who walk around thinking they don't have any  (do I really have to say the codes you could be classified under?)   

[drkaje]

  Yes, it clouded my comments so badly that when I thought he had broken up with her I told him to stay out of her life.       

Being that I actually read his his posts and I believe I came to the correct conclusion that he genuinely wants to help her, I answered him with actual information he could use and pass on to her.  Unlike you I will not tell him what he should do, but actually answer helpfully to what he asked. 

 Now isn't it ironic that I could do that, and you could not?   I did not let myself cloud my responses, but you did. 

 I feel very sad for you that you think there is not a thing that he could do to be productive in her life.        At least his ex is addressing her problems unlike some people who walk around thinking they don't have any  (do I really have to say the codes you could be classified under?)   

If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".

We're all different but I do find your take on the comments amusing. You're starting to read a little too much like Earl1972, LOL! He'd rather believe anyone who disagrees with his very rigid ideas about compassion is a sociopath or narcissist than risk entertaining the thought of being wrong.

[~flower~]

If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".

We're all different but I do find your take on the comments amusing. You're starting to read a little too much like Earl1972, LOL! He'd rather believe anyone who disagrees with his very rigid ideas about compassion is a sociopath or narcissist than risk entertaining the thought of being wrong.

No, you are misreading my comments.  I have no problem with you or anyone who dates people based on their own personal standards.   If the OP was asking if he should be involved with this person instead of asking what he could do to help this person, and your reply was he should not be involved, that would be fine.  I'm sure some dialogue would ensue about your reasons but I would respect that as YOUR opinion.

  You instead decided to make it about yourself instead of what the OP was  actually asking and trying to get information on.  But you get a point for a grand attempt at misdirection!  

[~flower~]

If his girl had diabetes I's say "Tell her to clean up the diet and take meds as prescribed" this is no different. I wouldn't ever say "just try some hugs and do all the injections for her".

  I was loling so much at your second paragraph I missed this one!   


  It doesn't even make sense?  What are you going on about or what is the point you are tying to make?  If you read the posts you will see a lot of stuff SHE will have to do on her own was suggested.  Also books for Brixton so he might better understand how he can be supportive or just understand what she is going through.   Is it just convenient for you to overlook those?  Since it is you and I going back and forth now I certainly never said to just hug her and she didn't have to do shit.   

   lololololz

[xxxLinda]

Oh dear, this is getting serious !  People are having slanging matches !


I'm sorry, I may have started it, I went all a little florid 2 pages back and rather than being my ordinary normal low-key personality, (lol?) I started pontificating.


Noone knows the answer (comeon ~flower~?) and noone pretends to. 

Except perhaps you know about you and I'm learning about me.  Sorry, but I think the bloke you are having discourse with hasn't been horrid.

He's a normal chap with a right brain and a left brain and is being logical. 


You and I and Brixton's ex all have multi-faceted brains.  We can think of 20 things at once.  Sometimes with rainbow coloured fireworks going off in the background.  So we'll never ever see eye to eye.



lets please just all agree that mental health issues affect everyone.

xL

[xxxLinda]

flower?  are you still really young, like under 30?  Brixton's ex is 23 or something?

I promise you, by the time you're 40 everything will make sense...


Things, as you said, get better with time.  Provided that you get to talk to and relate with like-minded peeps who understand.  Or folks who make you think.



madly
x

[~flower~]

No, I am not really young.  That's why I know things can get easier in time and she has the opportunities to make some good decision on taking care of herself so she can avoid a lot of the drama I wish I could have. 

drkock is not horrid, he is just annoying sometimes.      We are actually having some interesting discussions along these lines down on the X.    I am personally inviting you to participate if you desire to Linda.   

[xxxLinda]

We are actually having some interesting discussions along these lines down on the X.    I am personally inviting you to participate if you desire to Linda.   

I got banned off the x y and z (joking) and also the gen topics whilst at it? 

think I'm only just now allowed back on the girlie board...


xxxL



(had to quote you in order to make page 3 make some sense...