Author Topic: people at my (legit) job think i'm gay (Read 16339 times)

Problem is that you're pretty rather than handsome. Sort of like the difference between a Tom Cruise and a Tom Selleck. Also, you strike me as someone who is polite and has good, maybe even refine, manners. And it's obvious you practice good hygiene and dress well.

Never comb your hair but, if you must, comb it in a way that makes it look like it's not comb. When you get out of the shower just towel dry it and maybe style it with your hands, not a brush or comb, meaning just rub your scalp and shake your head. Kind of like a dog does when it gets wet. You want kind of a unkempt tousled look. Also, never wash your hair more than once a week if even that. And never ever use or be seen buying any time of conditioner. Needless to say highlights and coloring is totally out of the question.

No matter how loudly or clearly one initially speaks to you always make them repeat it. Always reply with "What? or "Ah what?" Then you repeat what they just said and look annoyed. For example, if I ask you at work: "Excuse me, it seems a bit warm in here. Is the AC down?" You reply, "What?" And when I ask again, "Oh, I just wanted to know if the AC is down." You then reply, "You want to know if the AC is down?"

Works every time and I got that from my mother who nobody thought was gay.

And you really shouldn't be txting at all. Especially to known gay people.

I know this will be hard for you but try to look a bit more rumpled and disheveled. Like you just got out of bed and just put on whatever clothes happened to be on the floor. Do not use any moisturizers on your face. Frown more. Occasionally spit in potted plants. Look at other people and just shake your head in contempt. Buy a gun. Publicly express your hatred of cats.

Lastly, and most importantly, if you don't want people to think you're gay stop having sex with other men.

Hope this helps.

wash your hair only one once a week

E

pellius · « **Reply #92 on:** September 14, 2009, 02:26:47 AM »

Quote from: Big Dicked Bob on September 13, 2009, 11:14:45 PM

johnny you need to kill and eat an animal like a deer or elk.

More excellent advice. When a man has tasted meat killed by his own hands, it is no longer possible to be gay. In fact, homosexuality started when a man was too old or too impaired to participate in the hunt and had to stay back in the village with the women who wanted nothing to do with them since they were inferior breeding material. Thus their only choice was to have sex with each other.

Parker · « **Reply #93 on:** September 14, 2009, 02:43:45 AM »

Quote from: dr.chimps on September 13, 2009, 04:36:30 PM

Gotta be careful wearing that style, bro. Might get yourself punched out.

So, are you saying he might get hit on?

johnnynoname · « **Reply #94 on:** September 14, 2009, 02:44:56 AM »

Quote from: Debussey DF on September 13, 2009, 08:05:02 PM

What do the gays think about you having to save for 3 months to afford a pair of nice pants and some sunday snacks?

that might be my saving grace as a straight guy cuz i'm consistently broke while all the homersexuals around here are rich

Quote from: ManBearPig... on September 13, 2009, 08:26:10 PM

johnny, the reason they think you're gay is cuz you keep blowing guys.

a have a pretty bad gag reflex so that got cut out just by necessity

Quote from: pellius on September 14, 2009, 02:26:47 AM

More excellent advice. When a man has tasted meat killed by his own hands, it is no longer possible to be gay. In fact, homosexuality started when a man was too old or too impaired to participate in the hunt and had to stay back in the village with the women who wanted nothing to do with them since they were inferior breeding material. Thus their only choice was to have sex with each other.

you should have been my history teacher

Mars · « **Reply #95 on:** September 14, 2009, 02:58:58 AM »

MAXX · « **Reply #96 on:** September 14, 2009, 03:00:46 AM »

Quote from: ManBearPig... on September 13, 2009, 08:26:10 PM

johnny, the reason they think you're gay is cuz you keep blowing guys.

nah i don't think that's it. I think it's the haircut.

Mars · « **Reply #97 on:** September 14, 2009, 03:03:16 AM »

pellius · « **Reply #98 on:** September 14, 2009, 03:21:59 AM »

JNN, you're a good guy and the wittiest person on this board so I take particular umbrage when people call you an emo. You're just a very introspective, evolved and sensitive person. And if you ever get really down and want some emo-tional support I'll be right over and we can cut ourselves together.

pellius · « **Reply #99 on:** September 14, 2009, 03:27:27 AM »

Quote from: MAXX on September 14, 2009, 03:00:46 AM

nah i don't think that's it. I think it's the haircut.

And the face, body, tan and highly evolved fashion sense.

It also helps if you eat less vegetables, especially salads, and more meat. Being more of a carnivore helps you to think and act more like a predator. Your ancestors didn't claw their way to the top of the food chain to eat grass.