Regarding Who I Was, Who I am, Why I Don't Change (no ego)(yes serious)

[Mr Nobody]

Are you saying you want me to set you kids up?

I'm up for it Tape.

[Tapeworm]

I'm up for it Tape.

Haha, you say that now!  Muwahahahaha!!!

[tbombz]

My ex has severe depression and once told me she can't find the motivation or the right mindset to do the things she knows she should (get out of bed, clean her house, etc).  She's been that way for so long I suggested she give up lying there trying to generate the right mindset and just go through the motions of what she would be doing if she had that magical mindset, and after a week or two of having bills paid on time and a clean house I bet some optimism would arrive all on its own, without any mental wrestling being required at all.  

very sage advice!! 

[stuntmovie]

I've had a number of friends with problems somewhat similar to the problems expressed by Disturbia.

I've always suggested professional help such as mentioned by Uberman.

But in each case that suggestion was not accepted until the individual literally hit the bottom.

The bottom for two of these friends was extended jail sentences.

And the bottom for a third friend was an initial attempt at suicide and then a final & successful one.

And the one individual who accepted consuling is now a counsilor himself with a full time job speaking to high school kids with similar problems.

One interesting point here ...... Most of these HS kids who need help refuse to acknowledge that help is needed for a variety of reasons (the main reason that they dont want to be singled out as the individual with the problem), so he initiated a "plan" to offer counsiling to a wide variety of HS kids with the real kids who needed guidance as his main concern.

And during group discussions those kids with the problems eventually got with the program and opened up and were more than agreeable for further attention.

I think Uberman offered some good advice.

OTOH, some people consider their problem as a "badge of honor' and will refuse to accept any help of any kind unless it's in the form of a check in the mail each month.

Pellus, long story here, but I probably did some related work with more than a few prison imates you may be familiar with. I'll go into that story later if there is any interest.

[tbombz]

And the one individual who accepted consuling is now a counsilor himself with a full time job speaking to high school kids with similar problems.

One interesting point here ...... Most of these HS kids who need help refuse to acknowledge that help is needed for a variety of reasons (the main reason that they dont want to be singled out as the individual with the problem), so he initiated a "plan" to offer counsiling to a wide variety of HS kids with the real kids who needed guidance as his main concern.

And during group discussions those kids with the problems eventually got with the program and opened up and were more than agreeable for further attention.

thats ingenius. sounds like a cool dude

[Tito24]

29


43


So people on here ask why I dont try to achieve the look I had before. Well first of all I am 44, but that is zero part of the reason.  I am not driven by an inner force to be lean and look better. It makes zero difference to me that I carry this fat. My mental issues have been clearly stated and they play a role, but I find no reason or drive to look like that again. Also, I like to eat.  There is little force in me to accomplish much in life to be honest.  I am driven by outside forces, one of which IS NOT money.  I wouldnt do shit for money, means nothing to me.  If the day came when that elusive outside reason came for me to get lean, yeah it would probably happen.  The only outside force that kind of gives me a little irk to do it is knowing how staggeringly much better I would look leaned out than Vince Goodrum.  Yeah, that would be kinda sweet.  I beak on here but I dont hate anyone except for 1 person and 1 only. Adonis. I could kill him, and not feel bad. Easily.  I like getbig, its fun and entertaining.

But overall, I dont lean out because  I am lazy, I have no inner drive, I require outside reasons to do something.

That guy in the middle looks like johhny falcon...Only leaner...

[Mars]

[disturbia]

for uberman,....I see regular counsellor and psychiatrist. You make it sound like I am not happy. As long as I dont have to work a regular job I'm the happiest character around. I'm lazy.

[Mars]

[pellius]

good lord man, shut up and get over yourself

Actually, if you can get pass his personality, which is very hard to do, uber is one of the most insightful members on this board.

[pellius]

What happened to that great thread about Goodrum the other day? Keith was in good form and had Melvin against the ropes. Then the thread vanished.

One of the mods is working overtime censoring and burying threads in other threads. What's up with that?

[Vince B]

for uberman,....I see regular counsellor and psychiatrist. You make it sound like I am not happy. As long as I dont have to work a regular job I'm the happiest character around. I'm lazy.

Let us hope you don't beat up on the counsellors and psychiatrist! Borderlines have a reputation for being difficult and often scare staff and patients at clinics, etc. The worst thing about being a borderline is your relationships suck because you are too difficult to get along with. Add not having a regular job and you have a recipe for being on your own.

[Gino30]

I dig that honesty

x2

This dude's got some inner demons for sure.....we all have to be honest....life, meh, they sold us a lie


just live it dude....do whatever makes you happy....


we'll all be dust in the wind one day


Gino

[Gino30]

You need significant relationships with other people, you are too self centered and spend too much time on the internet , which you are addicted to. I guess you have no opportunities to be in contact with other human beings in your daily life but this is what you truly need. When you have no relationships, life has no taste at all anymore. Relationships give a taste to life and feelings. No relationships = no physical stimulation and development of the brain, of emotions. Our brain develops itself when we are with others -not virtual people- real people. If we arent, it ceases to develop, as do feelings and emotions, everything becomes darker and darker.

You should fall in love with someone, get an education, a job... And you should consult a psychologist, they re for people who suffer psychologically even if they look "normal" from the outside.

The roots of your psychological dizziness are in your childhood and the way you interacted with your parents and family. Only a big and deep comeback in this past with a professionnal can have an influence on your present and future. You have to modify your cognitions and behaviors. At 44, this will be a huge task, but you have nothing else to do anyway. There's no escape from this, so just do it once for all. Your survival is in question at this point. You have to un-learn, and re-learn more appropriate ways of thinking and acting.

If you do not have/develop meaningful relationships your despair will increase. We are nothing without the others. I'm not saying you need to party with people you dont know everyday, these relationships you have to develop have to be constant, deep and reciprocal. 

Your life is grey, you need to put some colors in it.

You are not going to find this on an internet message board. Get REAL help. The attention whoring doesnt solve the issue at all either. But it's a clear call for help whatever the way you look at it.

By the way, you re in no way unique or alone. People like you are more and more numerous especially in our modern societies. You lack some basics and you have to learn em , even if you're 44. You have to re-start your development, right now you re obviously immature, even if you're 44 it doesnt mean shit, and you have to become mature with the help of a professionnal.  There are people who spend their whole life and die with an underdeveloped conception of the world, why they re here, why the other are here, and how we are suposed to interact with each others. Most of the time a good education, from your parents or from some mentors of resiliency/development, some teachers, can lead you back fullforce in life. Find these people and dont care about "what the other may say or think", these people dont care about you, they only care about themselves and you should do the same. People who truly care about you will only advise you to seek help from a pro.

holy shit....talk about a power post.....solid, just solid


who r u uberman?

[Vince B]

Anyone wanting to understand borderlines should look on the internet for BPD. If you did you wouldn't write what uberman wrote.

Borderlines have problems with relationships because they are easily upset and then they react. It is a disorder and those close to them might love them but it is rather challenging to be around them. You never know when they are going to be reactive and a guy like Josh who is a big bloke might be difficult to manage. What happens is they lose their friends. Girlfriends are unlikely to persist. So what happens is hapless Josh goes from gal to gal with nothing intimate or permanent. No wonder the dude get depressed. He might be lucky and be highly functional but the disorder is a worry to those around him. The sufferer often denies that there is anything wrong with him. The internet gives Josh a good way to make friends and communicate with them.


http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

[travisma]

for uberman,....I see regular counsellor and psychiatrist. You make it sound like I am not happy. As long as I dont have to work a regular job I'm the happiest character around. I'm lazy.

Are you really happy just living off the government pay check? What does that say about you?? Yes Lazy is true but come on, people with severe disabilities still try and work...

Sounds like you have got yourself in a rut and cant be bothered to move yourself.

[disturbia]

Are you really happy just living off the government pay check? What does that say about you?? Yes Lazy is true but come on, people with severe disabilities still try and work...

Sounds like you have got yourself in a rut and cant be bothered to move yourself.

so let the disabled work, thats their choice
Would you rather me work and risk some innocent employer/employee get a filthy beating?

listen, this isn't like something I made up for my own recreation.  BPD is an issue, not an excuse. Its not like depression where you can take some pill for serotonin. There is no pill for BPD. 

[outby43]

so let the disabled work, thats their choice
Would you rather me work and risk some innocent employer/employee get a filthy beating?

listen, this isn't like something I made up for my own recreation.  BPD is an issue, not an excuse. Its not like depression where you can take some pill for serotonin. There is no pill for BPD. 

Yes I would like to see you work.  I do not think you go nuts on someone without a reason.  If someone is a dick then we owe a person like you who stands up for the spineless who are scared to lose everything.

[Vince B]

Yep, there is no logical reason for some of the behaviour of borderlines. No matter how much you know about it you can't cure it or even totally understand it. That is why it is a mental disorder. If it were something sensible you could control and fix it. They go nuts for a 'reason' to them but I swear it won't seem reasonable to you or others who are around. If you are the victim of a borderline you will swear their behaviour made no sense at all.

[Tapeworm]

Yep, there is no logical reason for some of the behaviour of borderlines. No matter how much you know about it you can't cure it or even totally understand it. That is why it is a mental disorder. If it were something sensible you could control and fix it. They go nuts for a 'reason' to them but I swear it won't seem reasonable to you or others who are around. If you are the victim of a borderline you will swear their behaviour made no sense at all.

Not to be insensitive but this sounds like a load of bullshit.  Josh is a grown man and is responsible for controlling himself, just like the rest of us.

"But he's not like the rest of us!  He can't control himself!"

Then he constitutes a danger to others and shouldn't be out walking around, but I don't get that vibe from him.  He reasons well, cracks jokes, etc.  Imo he's been told by experts that there's something wrong with him for so long now that he no longer believes he can govern his actions when he gets emotional, which is false.  This 'BPD' diagnosis is a self fulfilling prophesy, and it disempowers his ability to direct his own life.

[Vince B]

No, you are not a psychiatrist and shouldn't be diagnosing people re mental disorders. Even if you read the literature and think someone is mentally ill that doesn't mean he is. He must be diagnosed by a proper person who is professionally trained.

Josh could be a fairly functional borderline. So he goes about his day to day life without many problems. Some things will trigger outbursts and then he will have no control over his responses. Just because you can get along with others most of the time doesn't mean you are 100% healthy.

BPD is an insidious disorder. You can have 5 out of 9 symptoms and still have the disorder. Goodness knows what treatments are available. A good book to read is Stop Walking on Eggshells. You will have your eyes opened. Many sufferers have other disorders such as depression. They present and get treatment for depression but the BPD goes undiagnosed.

If you are in a relationship with a borderline you will end up swearing that you are the one who is nuts! If you fall in love with one then no one can help you! They have a discussion board on BPD Central for people related to or involved with borderlines. If you do some of the reading you won't make statements like you are here. About 5% of the population suffers from this disorder and most are female. Guys should read up to detect such people before marrying them!!

[Mr Nobody]

No, you are not a psychiatrist and shouldn't be diagnosing people re mental disorders. Even if you read the literature and think someone is mentally ill that doesn't mean he is. He must be diagnosed by a proper person who is professionally trained.

Josh could be a fairly functional borderline. So he goes about his day to day life without many problems. Some things will trigger outbursts and then he will have no control over his responses. Just because you can get along with others most of the time doesn't mean you are 100% healthy.

BPD is an insidious disorder. You can have 5 out of 9 symptoms and still have the disorder. Goodness knows what treatments are available. A good book to read is Stop Walking on Eggshells. You will have your eyes opened. Many sufferers have other disorders such as depression. They present and get treatment for depression but the BPD goes undiagnosed.

If you are in a relationship with a borderline you will end up swearing that you are the one who is nuts! If you fall in love with one then no one can help you! They have a discussion board on BPD Central for people related to or involved with borderlines. If you do some of the reading you won't make statements like you are here. About 5% of the population suffers from this disorder and most are female. Guys should read up to detect such people before marrying them!! [/b]

I agree with Basile on the last paragraph my girlfriend has borderline BPD being with her for 4 years sometimes I think am going damn crazy because you tend to lose reality when you are around volitaile people day after day. Send a sane person to a insane asylum and they will become insane.

[Tapeworm]

No, you are not a psychiatrist and shouldn't be diagnosing people re mental disorders. Even if you read the literature and think someone is mentally ill that doesn't mean he is. He must be diagnosed by a proper person who is professionally trained.

Josh could be a fairly functional borderline. So he goes about his day to day life without many problems. Some things will trigger outbursts and then he will have no control over his responses. Just because you can get along with others most of the time doesn't mean you are 100% healthy.

BPD is an insidious disorder. You can have 5 out of 9 symptoms and still have the disorder. Goodness knows what treatments are available. A good book to read is Stop Walking on Eggshells. You will have your eyes opened. Many sufferers have other disorders such as depression. They present and get treatment for depression but the BPD goes undiagnosed.

If you are in a relationship with a borderline you will end up swearing that you are the one who is nuts! If you fall in love with one then no one can help you! They have a discussion board on BPD Central for people related to or involved with borderlines. If you do some of the reading you won't make statements like you are here. About 5% of the population suffers from this disorder and most are female. Guys should read up to detect such people before marrying them!!

What diagnosis?  3 opinions:

- A man is responsible for his actions.

- If you can't control yourself and you present a danger to others then you should be institutionalized.

- A bunch of head shrinkers have told Josh that trying to control his behavior when he gets mad is useless because he's 'sick,' so now he's even less willing to try.

If you disagree then address the issues.  Just stop hijacking Josh's thread for the sake of exorcising the demons left to you by your ex wife.  It's odd.

[disturbia]

Tapeworm
you are a good guy but really, shut up, you have absolutely no fucking clue what you are talking about.

Basile has full understanding of what is up with me.

[Vince B]

Hey, Josh, how come you ended up in Saskatchewan? Nice province but sheesh, those winters are long. I so hate the cold that I moved to Australia. My choice in Canada would be BC and probably Vancouver or Vancouver Island. Trouble is, it gets overcast a lot and rains a lot there. So that leaves Kamloops and the Okanagan. Nice places to live and the sunnier climate and nice scenery would be much better than the flat area you live in. It is nice along the river, though, so that is some compensation. I also prefer a larger city to a small one because there are more possibilities, etc.

Any thoughts, or are you sort of stuck there for the time being? It is always good to have some plans for the future and some direction to get you motivated.