Couldn't have said it better myself-- From today's NY Daily News
Tyler Clementi, Rutgers freshman who committed suicide after gay bullying, could have fought back
By Elie Mystal
Thursday, October 21st 2010, 4:00 AM
In the wake of the suicide of Tyler Clementi (above) - the Rutgers student who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his gay hookup was broadcast on the Web by his roommate - there's been a lot of talk about the proper punishment for bullies.
We need tougher laws against mean behavior, many people say. Some have gone so far as to argue that we should throw kids into jail for bullying each other, especially if the tormentors are making fun of a kid's sexual orientation.
If we don't soon have stricter punishment of bullies and more institutional control over mean schoolchildren, the argument goes, we'll see more hurt teenagers taking their own lives.
This argument is well meaning but ultimately dangerous. Victimization logic hobbles young people - gay or otherwise - and helps no one. Instead of telling our kids that they need to keep their heads held high and stand up for themselves, we're telling them to run to the justice system whenever somebody insults them with an "ouchy" word.
If they had set the "Karate Kid" remake in America, Mr. Miyagi would have been a trial lawyer who taught Daniel-san how to sue Cobra Kai into bankruptcy.
We need to teach kids effective coping mechanisms to deal with embarrassment and humiliation - perhaps even to, dare I say, fight back - instead of fostering a culture of hurt feelings and massive overreactions.
If anything, gay youths need these self-reliant coping mechanisms more than their friends. Because sadly, far too often, gay kids can't run home to their (homophobic, idiot) parents or their (overworked, desensitized) schoolteachers.
And those calling for tougher official punishment are missing another point. These suicides aren't the result of a few mean kids who just now decided it'd be fun to torment gay peers. They're the symptom of a complex youth culture obsessed with its own navel and how many friends "like" their latest Facebook status update. Throwing a few mean kids in jail isn't going to change that culture one bit.
What's going to change it are more and more vulnerable kids who start standing up to the jerks.
Because, news flash, kids are mean. Brutally mean. Have you ever actually sat and listened to one who hasn't been sanitized by the good people at Disney? Yes, they will make fun of the gay kid. Also on their "hit list": the effeminate kid, the dumb jock, the easy girl, the prudish girl, the fat kid, the thin kid, the smart kid, the developmentally disabled kid, the poor kid, the rich ponce, the kid who is so dark other black kids make fun of him, the kid who is so pale he gets sunburned if he comes out to play.
They'll make fun of me, they'll make fun of you - and then they'll get to our mothers.
Are we going to throw them all in jail? Or only the ones whose victims commit suicide?
In my neighborhood in Queens, if somebody made fun of you, you gave as good as you got. Or you punched the kid in the mouth. That's right, there was a time when standing up for yourself solved many schoolyard problems. And if you tell me that standing up for yourself is the exclusive province of "macho" straight males, I'll invite you over to hang out with some of my gay friends and my wife and her buddies so you can learn something about the world you live in.
I'm not saying poor Tyler Clementi isn't to be mourned. To the contrary, and the kids who mistreated him are miscreants. But we don't throw every miscreant in jail. If we want fewer young people to follow in Tyler's footsteps, we ought to spend much less time passing laws and incarcerating mean schoolkids and much more time teaching their targets how to deal with it.
If you are being bullied, laugh it off, ignore it or fight back. Just don't kill yourself. Whatever you are going through, it's entirely survivable.
Mystal is an editor at Above the Law, a legal blog.
Read more:
http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/2010/10/21/2010-10-21_tyler_clementi_rutgers_freshman_who_committed_suicide_after_gay_bullying_could_h.html#ixzz1310olC32
