R.I.P. Keith Jones aka Onlyme/Noworries

[Nordic Beast]

RIP big man

a true Getbig legend

the lore of his infamous spiderbite will live on

[Hugo Chavez]

I didn't know he passed.  Man that is fucking fucked up...   RIP Keith... 


fuck...

[DK II]

I didn't know he passed.  Man that is fucking fucked up...   RIP Keith... 


fuck...

Check out the sticky:

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=362253.0

[Hugo Chavez]

Check out the sticky:

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=362253.0

yea I found it.  I started looking as soon as I saw this.  this kinda busts me up man.  not cool...  I don't care if some mock me for it but this is really sad shit.  He was a good fella  

[Vince G, CSN MFT]

Keith died on Jan 10, 2011 but his legacy will live on in the minds of those who frequented this forum for the last several years. I think he would like that people remember him for his wacky sense of humour and the funny things he did both in real life and on Getbig.

Here is a story from the History forum that is the funniest story I have come across anywhere. How can you not like a guy who pulled this off!



     A very funny story I told on the History Board
« on: May 11, 2006, 01:19:44 AM » Quote  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had someone ask me to put up some stories on this board.  I can only put them here if it has a bodybuilder involved.  So I have this one.  It is very funny.  I just read it again and relived it.  What a night this was.  Anyone on here who knows Pete (Gymkowski) can picture this night.


I got one that if I write it right will put you in the moment and you will experience it in it's full impact, cause these stories are by far the funniest things I've have ever done.  There are numerous ones but I will weed out ones that don't include at least someone in bodybuilding (even though most include the same person).  I will classify these stories simply as "The Air Around You" series.  So if you see this at the beginning of my post, you know it is another addition to "The Air Around You" series.  

First, imagine being in a semi-fancy (meaning they have cloth napkins) restaurant with low lights, tables and booths and it is around 6pm (peak dinner time).  We are near Disneyland.  Second you are with Pete G (my gratuitous BB) and his childhood friend J. Manchioni who is one crazy dude and loud.  We are pulling up to the valet (another fancy sign) at the restaurant in Pete’s nice white Rolls Royce.  Valet opens the door and Pete as always hand him a $50 bill to make sure the car is in the front.  No one I have ever met tips like Pete G.

Pete and J. both know the owner and Manager of this fancy restaurant (once again evident by having some guy sitting in the restroom to sell you stuff he picked up at the local dollar store).  We are seated in a booth (with red table cloth).  The place is easily more than half full about 30 people.  The owner comes over says hi to Pete and J. and they introduce me.  As you know Pete is very friendly and can be pretty loud at times and J. is twice as loud.

Okay I am going to lead up to the story now.  In 1986 I did a movie called Dangerous Curves with Leslie Nielson.  I was his bodyguard in the movie (Mandrake).  As we (the other actors) were working with Leslie we noticed he had a gas problem.  If you have ever seen him on TV in an interview you will know what I mean.  Anyway we didn't say anything cause he is a big star and can do anything he wants.  But I notice he has something in his hand.  I ask him and he shows me this little rubber thing called Han-D-Gas.  This product (that should win the Nobel Peace Prize or Pulitzer) is so inventive and bitchin I had to have one.  So Leslie gave me one.  And for almost ten years and many new Han-D-Gas's later I was the "Fart King"  There wasn't a place I didn't use this ultimate crowd pleaser.  The neatest thing about this is that it is small enough to hide in your hand and the more you practiced the better you got and the more variable farts you can emit.  If you want to be the life of any party in any situation, I swear to god this thing will do that for you.  I promise!!!  Well this was staple in mine and Pete's social status.  It broke the ice in any situation for us.

Now back to our dinner.  The owner brings Pete a bottle of wine.  We start talking and I have to pull out my Han-D-Gas cause it is in my pocket and I don’t want to damage it.  The owner asks me what it is.  Well Pete starts going off on some stories about the little machine.  During this time J. is calling a girl he knew that lives in the area to invite her to dinner.  According to J. she is a little hottie that likes to party.  Well after the short stories and J. is now off the phone, I see the owner is very loose and has a great sense of humor.  So the owner wanted me to demonstrate just how much fun it can be and tells me to go fart on some of his friends at another table.  Now, remember this is a pretty fancy restaurant (you could tell because you could actually hear some people whispering).  So I get up and stick my hand in my pocket and proceed to walk towards the back passing by the table with his friends.  With my hand in my pocket it not only hides it, it also muffles it and it sounds even more real.  To make it even more realistic, I stop right in front of the victim’s table and I ask one of the waiters where the restroom was as he pointed in the direction I was heading.  Believe me most everyone heard me ask.  So, as I turn by the table I let out a really nice gurgling loud fart.  I turn to the table and say I'm am sorry and proceed to the restroom, like it was nothing big.  I about collapsed as soon as I got in there because you should have seen these people's faces.  These were definitely a group of high-brow people and to have someone fart out loud is unheard of and the fact it was a stranger was even worse.  I swear to god I was dying in the restroom and that is when I met the nice old man in the restroom.  I showed him what I did and he almost had a heart attack.  Doing this in a crowed restroom in another hilarious story I will tell later.  Any…

So I am in the restroom for about 2 minutes.  I come out and the whole restaurant was laughing.  The owner had gone over to tell his friends what I had so I had to show everyone in the restaurant I wasn't some low life guy who farted on strangers.  (little did they know).  So now I have the restaurant in my hands.  I swear to god I was going table to table because everyone wanted to see what it was.  Everyone wanted to see the thing and allot of them actually wrote down the address (which is on it) so they could get their own.  Sorry if this is boring but I had to lead up to the real story.

So, now comes the funniest thing ever.  J. tells me about the girl who is coming to meet us and that he wants me to fart on her cause she is really pretty but even dumber.  So I say okay.  So I am thinking and I come up with a great idea.  The booth next to us was empty now.  I get up and sit there.  I tell the waiter to bring me a bunch of empty shot glasses and a glass of coke and a couple glasses of beer and basket of bread.  So he brings all this stuff and everyone in the restaurant was watching me be a set designer.  Well in about 2 minutes my table was looking like a tornado hit it.  I had all these empty shot glasses spilled beer, broken pieces of bread the table was a mess.  

J. gets up to stand at the door to tell me when she is coming in.  Now, we didn't go over anything.  I was going to "wing" this skit on the fly.  So Pete and J. would have to play off me.  So I get another idea.  J. tells me she just pulled up.  I get up and run to the restroom (yes at one time I could run).  I go in there and splash water all over me and open my shirt a little and just really mess myself up (so I looked like I have been drinking (allot).  SO about 2 minutes later I exit the restroom.  Now you have to imagine, the whole restaurant and all the employees are onto this little prank.  Almost like Punk'd.  I come out holding one of the glasses of beer walking like a drunk and talking under my breath cussing.  As I get closer to the booth I look up and I see the girl looking at me and saying something to J. and Pete.  As I get closer I hear her say "oh my god what happened to him.  J. says look at all he's had to drink if he wasn't such a big mother-fucker he'd be passed out by now.  I see her look at the table all messed up with what looked like a whole lotta of alcohol.

Well before all this started I asked the waiter to get me a bowl of chili.  No one knew what it was there for including Pete or the others.  I place it on the seat next to me. They may have seen it but didn’t know what it was for.   So as I am sitting there, I hear the girl asking J. and Pete what happened.  In a loud voice J. says “his wife left him”.  She says “oh my god” (which for some reason was her favorite saying that night). Then Pete is awesome and says “yea she left him for his dad”.  I swear to god I was looking with a blank stare at them and Pete started to bust up.  He barely got that line out.  I look at them and just say ”what a fucking bitch and slut” like a drunk guy.  I then yell at the waiter to bring me a shot of Tequilla.  So about 30 seconds later the waiter comes with a small water glass filled to top so high he had to walk really slow or spill it.  This waiter was awesome cause he thought of doing that all himself.  He placed it on the table.  I took it and swallowed the whole thing in one gulp and of course had to have some dribble down my shirt.  Now, right when I did that I was thinking I hope the guy doesn’t really give me tequila.  But he was smart it was apple juice and water.  Well the girl went crazy all over Pete and J.  She says “Oh my god!  Pete says yea he’s such a pussy he lets his dad take his wife.  J. says ‘yea I would have killed my dad and fucked his wife to get back at him….in front of him.”  These two guys were going full blast.  So then I look around the room and just about every patron had their head in their hands or the napkin covering their face.  In fact I had my hand in my facxe numerous times so I could hide my smile.  And the really funny part is the owner had the front door open half way (he told us later so nobody came in during this) but he was halfway in and halfway out laughing so hard he had his head completely outside and his legs inside.  You had to be there.  So I am started to lose it.

So I have my fart machine.  I start to fart uncontrollably.  The girl says to the guys “how sick”.  J. all of a sudden says “dude you better check your pants”  So I reach behind me (it looks that way) so my arm is way up so everyone see it and it looks like I am sticking my hands down the back of my pants.  Then I bring it up and sniff my fingers.  Now by then Pete is almost crying and in fact the owner was no where to be found.  I say “there’s nothing back there”.  She brabs Pete and now has her head in his lap.  So now she can’t really see me so I have to get louder.  So I start to fart more  And one time I licked my hand that I am using to use the machine.  It makes the fart sound wetter.  So I did that and everyone could hear it.  And again, J. says “dude you just shit you pants”  So, now she looks up at me almost ready to puke.  I take my hand and do the same motion as before but I actually put just the tips of my fingers in the chili.  When I bring it up it appears I have a little shit on them.  I again sniff them  Now Pete is actually holding his entire face in his hands peeking through his fingers.  The girl looks at them and very casually I take one of the napkins and clean them off and just throw the napkin over on Pete’s table.  J. goes ballistic and pushes it off the table really quick telling me how sick I am.  He says’ dude you need to go wipe your ass”. The girl is also just peeking out of her hands and her head was shaking allot.  I say in a very drunk manner, “Shut the f**k up I don’t need to wipe my ass.”  Now I swear to god my eyes were watering so bad it looked like I was crying because I was holding in my laughing so hard.  All the other people were literally slapping each other.  So, one more time after I said I didn’t need to go wipe my ass “I reached back but this time grabbed a little more chili.  When I brought it up it looked so much like shit.  I could see her holding both Pete and J. so hard.  I sniff it again and then I licked my fingers.  She started to throw-up on J., but he pushed her over on Pete and jumped out of the table.  I could no longer hold it and everyone was laughing so hard.  I got up and we told her it was all a joke.  Her whole face running covered in black from her mascara.  The funniest thing was the owner came in balling with three other people who were all watching this happening through the window.  I swear to god this was the funniest night I ever had.  And as dumb or unbelievable this sounds ask Pete G. J. or even Kevin knows about it I think.  But I have allot of these but now so elaborate.  If you like this one I will tell more.  But only the ones that involve a bodybuilder.

The pic is of me and Leslie on the set on Dangerous Curves filmed in Mission Bay, CA  

There is already a thread for Keith, we don't need another one.

[DK II]

There is already a thread for Keith, we don't need another one.

Fuck off, Goodrum.

If we want 10000 threads on Keith, we will start them.

You're the last person to speak up on this.

[eequalsmcsquared]

 

[Schmoe Buster]

Fuck off, Goodrum.

If we want 10000 threads on Keith, we will start them.

You're the last person to speak up on this.

X2, fuck off sub human black vince, you piece of nothing happening shit

[ManBearPig...]

PIP stud.

We as a collective would give him a ribbing here, but he'd dish right back out.  Sad day.

[Vince G, CSN MFT]

Fuck off, Goodrum.

If we want 10000 threads on Keith, we will start them.

You're the last person to speak up on this.

There is already a huge sticky thread so I don't see any point in creating multiple threads or bumping this old threads or postings.  ......

[DK II]

There is already a huge sticky thread so I don't see any point in creating multiple threads or bumping this old threads or postings.  ......

I don't want to repeat myself, but fuck off.


If Vince Basile feels that he wants to honor Keith by starting a thread about his best posts, he can do so.


YOU're in no position to tell anyone not to, especially not you.

Now fuck off, you scumbag.

[Schmoe Buster]

There is already a huge sticky thread so I don't see any point in creating multiple threads or bumping this old threads or postings.  ......

you are just jealous that nobody would ever start a thread about you unless they are ripping the piss out of you, in memory of Keith we are all going to troll you and give you the shit you deserve

[kiwiol]

Onlyme is gone, but his spirit will always remain with us in Getbig. And to make sure of that, mass04 and I just signed an exclusive 7 figure, 5 year contract with Ron to channel his posts on select special occasions. We're also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Here are some of his chops that are very funny

[JimmyJam1974]

PIP.

Ron, please ban Goodrum's fat ass.

[TrueGrit]

I honestly had to do a quick double take on this one to check it was a fake. .

[JasonH]

LOL! 

[JP_RC]

Onlyme is gone, but his spirit will always remain with us in Getbig. And to make sure of that, mass04 and I just signed an exclusive 7 figure, 5 year contract with Ron to channel his posts on select special occasions. We're also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Here are some of his chops that are very funny

  good ones.

[Vince B]

I didn't want to bag Goodrum but the dude is such a dickhead that he deserves it out of respect for Keith. Let us all have a laugh with and for Keith.

[newmom]

There is already a thread for Keith, we don't need another one.

Very low class Vince. We get it, you  didn't care for him. MOST here enjoyed his posts and some of us truely are saddend. Please spew your crap elsewhere

[kiwiol]

I didn't want to bag Goodrum

True, you probably want to teabag him instead

[DK II]

I didn't want to bag Goodrum but the dude is such a dickhead that he deserves it out of respect for Keith. Let us all have a laugh with and for Keith.

Totally agree, i think Keith would like it if we honor him by pissing of that idiot Goodrum a bit.

[The Showstoppa]

I think Keith would love this.  I remember when we were all doing those animated videos and I did one for him.  the funny part was that for his speaking part all I did was cut and paste directly from his posts.....he took it really well.  Somebody might be able to dig it up.

[Vince B]

You know, I used to bag Goodrum but it never helped and he came back for more and retaliated in nasty ways. His lowest act was to play the gay card on me suggesting I was stalking him. He said the same thing about Keith. No way Keith or I are in the slightest interested in blokes. So Goodrum deserves what he gets.

Keith was the one who exposed Goodrum as being gay. He found him and his partner on the net and post that shit here.

[Hugo Chavez]

vince goodturd, you have to be without a doubt the most unwelcome fart smoking cum sucker to ever exist.  I can't believe after at least 5 years of being told to fuck off by everyone from noobs to lifers here, you still have the fucking sack to show up.  Please, for the love of god, lay your fucking head on the tracks and save us the trouble.

[eequalsmcsquared]