Getbig Bodybuilding Jokes...

[TheOne]

Some funny, some not so much:

Interviewer:"What's the best protein source a bodybuilder can eat?"
Pro:"Another Bodybuilder."

There was this really buff body builder running down the beech one day and noticed that no one was paying him any attention. He also noticed that all these really hot girls were just poring themselves over this really scrawny nerd.

One day the body builder had enough of it and asked the nerd what his secret was.

The nerd tells the bodybuilder, "Tomorrow before you start your jog, put a potato in your speedos."

The next day the bodybuilder is on his jog and noticed that people are literally running away from him.

Again he asked the nerd what the problem was.

The nerd responded, "You dumb ass, your supposed to put the potato in the front of your speedos."

A huge bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,

"See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs,

"See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks,
"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

Bodybuilder:"I work on 3 body parts a day."
Pathologist:"So do I."

(I can see it now)
At a bodybuilding contest a moron
put oil all over his body and started sliding around all over the stage.He won the contest because the top three competitors slipped and broke their necks.

What do sick Bodybuilder's do on the loo?
A: Drop Sets.

What do you get when you cross a Bodybuilder with a Politician?
A: A Back-bencher.

Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
A:He wanted to get ripped to shreds....

What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
A:Flecks Wheeler....

Newspaper Headline :-
ZOMBIE BODYBUILDER DOES THE DEADLIFT...

Two Bodybuilders were having a fight outside a nightclub
one of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder "This is what I call
the pre-exhaust principle."

Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A:Because he was squatting....

A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,"Would you like to see my traps?" And the reporter said"yes". So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.

What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls...

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation....

What do you get when you cross a Bodybuilder with a peeping tom?
A: Amazing peeks....

A skinny guy was talking to a genie:
"I want muscles all over my body."
The Genie said:"So be it."
In a flash of lightning the skinny guy was transformed.
But he ended up looking like a giant bunch of grapes.

Did you hear about the farmer?
he was arrested for destroying his calves in the gym....

Quote
Bodybuilders should go to church and preach mass....

A dumb Bodybuilder tried to rescue a girl from two live power cables but he got electocuted because he tried to do cable crossovers.

What do you call santa with muscles?
A:Mr Xmass....

It was alleged that in 1979 Frank Zane told Joe Weider
he was definitley going to win ten more Mr Olympias.
Joe Weider said,"Are you INZANE."...

Arnold Schwarzenneger took his car into the garage
for a tune up.The mechanic looked at it and said
" Ah, looks like there's something wrong with your points?"
Arnold snapped back," No,I don't have any weak points!"

Gold's Gym was robbed last week, that's the last time they recommend free weights....

You know your hardcore when....

You think the term “musclebound freak” is high praise.

While discussing the intricate biochemical processes
that occur during a steroid cycle with non-bodybuilders,
they think you have a degree in chemistry.

You have firsthand knowledge of which supplements will ”
make your shit green.”

You take so many supplements your urine glows in the dark.

You know that a “Swiss Ball” is not a dancing extravaganza in Switzerland.

You have experimented with various drink and protein powder mixes until you found one that didn’t make you gag.

You’ve ever taken a bucket to the gym “just in case I barf after 20 rep squats.”

You are a woman with a voice that sounds eerily like Lieutenant Worf’s from Star Trek: Next Generation. (a definite steroid tip-off)

You’ve ever counted “reps” while masturbating.

You have ever calculated the protein, carb, fat ratio of ramen noodles. (Ok, so this is You Might Be A BROKE Bodybuilder If…)

You have ever used the terms “carbo loading”, “insuiln spike”, and “donuts” in the same sentence.

You think putting chalk on your hands and putting baby powder on your thighs looks “cool.”

You can name 10 other competition-level bodybuilders other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno and Steve Reeves.

You think it’s quite possible that creatine monohydrate was inspired by the Holy Ghost.

You obsess over whether your body is “in ketosis.”

You think that “feeling the burn” is almost as good as, if not better than, sex.

You use the CAE stack to “get ripped” instead of a bottle of Aftershock.

You think “tone” is strictly for singers and musicians.

You use the term “bulking up” instead of “gaining weight.”

You’ve ever smeared goop all over you that turns you into a healthy, deep shade of orange. (Okay, this is You Might Be A COMPETITIVE Bodybuilder If…)

In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as “spaced out.”

Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.

Just One More Rep” - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: “Lift the weight for me.”

Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.

Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he?s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.

Can I work in with you?” - Translation: “Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?”

Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.

Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.

Im maxing out” - Translation: “I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1.”

Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more youll lift next time.

Olympic Bar - Athletes nightclub.

E-Z Bar - “How dare you! Im not that type of bar.”

Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.

Its all you!” - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: “It?s mostly me.”

Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.

Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.

Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, its a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.

High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.

Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you?re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.

Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds” - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.


How do Columbians develop muscle?
By pushing drugs….
Gold’s Gym was robbed last week, that’s the last time they recommend free weights.

Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
He wanted to get ripped to shreds.

What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
Flecks Wheeler.

Randy bodybuilders do reps in the morning and company reps in the evening.
Who invented the lat pulldown? An unknown Latvian.

Two Bodybuilders were having a fight outside a nightclub
one of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder “This is what I call
the pre-exhaust principle.”

Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting.

A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,”Would you like to see my traps?” And the reporter said”yes”. So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.

How many bodybuilders does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One to change it and the other 5 to yell out ‘you look fucking huge dude!’

In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as "spaced out."

Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.


"Just One More Rep" - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: "Lift the weight for me."


Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.


Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he’s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.


"Can I work in with you?" - Translation: "Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?"


Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.


Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.


"I’m maxing out" - Translation: "I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1."


Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more you’ll lift next time.


Olympic Bar - Athlete’s nightclub.


E-Z Bar - "How dare you! I’m not that type of bar."


Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.


"It’s all you!" - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: "It’s mostly me."


Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.


Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.


Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.


High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.


Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.


"Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds" - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.

[Big N]

Why did uberman cross the road?
To tell the guy on the other side that his problems were because of his dad abandoning him when he was a kid.

lol

[AlphaM]

 this classic

"i will tell you exactly why felas take hormone ,,

 bank of americana ,, 3 pm in the afternoon ,, inbetween lizzy the local stripper just entering the bank with tight shirt ,, short shorts that show thick feminine juicey legs attached to bubble juicy asshole,,lizzy is on her cell phone wearing her sun glases on her eyes or on forhead,, lizzy run inside dont look at any fella with her high heel slutty open toe shoes or with her flip flops,, in any case lizee has her bubble butt and perky pointy tits all tight and juicy wiht an all american abused doll look in her innocent...eyes,,

 when this lizze runnin into bank and stand there half naked and tlak on cell phone she see jimmy the local town drunk ,, she see rodny the hard working fella who his wife cheat on him ,, she see richard the 20 year old 160lb kid that jack off to her in night and try to stare her down so he remember what she wear....she talk on her phone like she own the world ,, no one is around but her and her phone and her sunglasses....


 but thennnnnn



 thennnnnn

 the door to the bank of americana open ....and in the genetaicly gifter....born with muscle ,, anthonio ,, anthonio has a nice 220lb 6% that look like 250 lb 6% on a nice 5'11 frame and ofcourse he is not havifn a huge gut yet since nto abuser for many year of insulina.....

 suddenly lizzy has a silence awkwadcy when anthonio open that bank door,,,he enter inside and think only interms of doing his thing,, yes he see the whore but he has whores like that lal dya long that are chemicaly attracted to him,,

 so now lizzy see something she wants,, lizzy can not get it ,, she strart talking about how she need to work out her fat ass..to the other whore on the other sided of cell phone,, al in line to the teller....anthonio dont care,, lizzy has to say something now because she is THE stripper ,,she is half naked and hse has bubble juice butt and her tits has the perfect tiny nipples on nicely inclined titona fat tissue,, so lizzy says it like americano typical whore,,

 what lizzy say?

 she say

 it looks like you need to work out! ha ha she even have the fake americano smile and the i will fuck you later if you talk to me for a second type of look ,,


 and the story begin because anthonio is well....on lots of hormones and is not serious bodybuild...


 THIS! is why most fellas do hormones my friend,,

 you want the truth? i give you the truth

 gh15 approved"

[kh300]

whey to start a stupid thread

[WillGrant]

Thread saved

[Radical Plato]

Getbig Bodybuilding Jokes...  

[Big N]

whey to start a stupid thread

Well sir, then enlighten us with your sense of humor.

[kh300]

Well sir, then enlighten us with your sense of humor.

WHEY...get it

[MikMaq]

Getbig Bodybuilding Jokes...  

Reported to mod prepared to be banned bitch!!!!!

Pornographic material of a pro epic stupidity.

[DroppingPlates]

Reported to mod prepared to be banned bitch!!!!!

Pornographic material of a pro epic stupidity.

I saw your boss walking away with a big smile. Just saying...

[Dr Dutch]

Getbig Bodybuilding Jokes...  

E-kul for time-out.......3....2......1.....

[DroppingPlates]

E-kul for time-out.......3....2......1.....

One grapefruit a day keeps Viagra away

[purenaturalstrength]

"It's like a deep tissue massage....only inside your ass."


Who spoke these words and to what was he/she referring?

thombz

he's gay or bisex and likes to "school" the getbig kids on how to fuk women like in a porno and how they want it like that

[arce1988]

[DroppingPlates]

...

all peds

ttt

 

[Big N]

Yeah....the grapefruit 

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Some funny, some not so much:

Interviewer:"What's the best protein source a bodybuilder can eat?"
Pro:"Another Bodybuilder."

There was this really buff body builder running down the beech one day and noticed that no one was paying him any attention. He also noticed that all these really hot girls were just poring themselves over this really scrawny nerd.

One day the body builder had enough of it and asked the nerd what his secret was.

The nerd tells the bodybuilder, "Tomorrow before you start your jog, put a potato in your speedos."

The next day the bodybuilder is on his jog and noticed that people are literally running away from him.

Again he asked the nerd what the problem was.

The nerd responded, "You dumb ass, your supposed to put the potato in the front of your speedos."

A huge bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,

"See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs,

"See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks,
"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

Bodybuilder:"I work on 3 body parts a day."
Pathologist:"So do I."

(I can see it now)
At a bodybuilding contest a moron
put oil all over his body and started sliding around all over the stage.He won the contest because the top three competitors slipped and broke their necks.

What do sick Bodybuilder's do on the loo?
A: Drop Sets.

What do you get when you cross a Bodybuilder with a Politician?
A: A Back-bencher.

Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
A:He wanted to get ripped to shreds....

What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
A:Flecks Wheeler....

Newspaper Headline :-
ZOMBIE BODYBUILDER DOES THE DEADLIFT...

Two Bodybuilders were having a fight outside a nightclub
one of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder "This is what I call
the pre-exhaust principle."

Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A:Because he was squatting....

A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,"Would you like to see my traps?" And the reporter said"yes". So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.

What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls...

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation....

What do you get when you cross a Bodybuilder with a peeping tom?
A: Amazing peeks....

A skinny guy was talking to a genie:
"I want muscles all over my body."
The Genie said:"So be it."
In a flash of lightning the skinny guy was transformed.
But he ended up looking like a giant bunch of grapes.

Did you hear about the farmer?
he was arrested for destroying his calves in the gym....

Quote
Bodybuilders should go to church and preach mass....

A dumb Bodybuilder tried to rescue a girl from two live power cables but he got electocuted because he tried to do cable crossovers.

What do you call santa with muscles?
A:Mr Xmass....

It was alleged that in 1979 Frank Zane told Joe Weider
he was definitley going to win ten more Mr Olympias.
Joe Weider said,"Are you INZANE."...

Arnold Schwarzenneger took his car into the garage
for a tune up.The mechanic looked at it and said
" Ah, looks like there's something wrong with your points?"
Arnold snapped back," No,I don't have any weak points!"

Gold's Gym was robbed last week, that's the last time they recommend free weights....

You know your hardcore when....

You think the term “musclebound freak” is high praise.

While discussing the intricate biochemical processes
that occur during a steroid cycle with non-bodybuilders,
they think you have a degree in chemistry.

You have firsthand knowledge of which supplements will ”
make your shit green.”

You take so many supplements your urine glows in the dark.

You know that a “Swiss Ball” is not a dancing extravaganza in Switzerland.

You have experimented with various drink and protein powder mixes until you found one that didn’t make you gag.

You’ve ever taken a bucket to the gym “just in case I barf after 20 rep squats.”

You are a woman with a voice that sounds eerily like Lieutenant Worf’s from Star Trek: Next Generation. (a definite steroid tip-off)

You’ve ever counted “reps” while masturbating.

You have ever calculated the protein, carb, fat ratio of ramen noodles. (Ok, so this is You Might Be A BROKE Bodybuilder If…)

You have ever used the terms “carbo loading”, “insuiln spike”, and “donuts” in the same sentence.

You think putting chalk on your hands and putting baby powder on your thighs looks “cool.”

You can name 10 other competition-level bodybuilders other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno and Steve Reeves.

You think it’s quite possible that creatine monohydrate was inspired by the Holy Ghost.

You obsess over whether your body is “in ketosis.”

You think that “feeling the burn” is almost as good as, if not better than, sex.

You use the CAE stack to “get ripped” instead of a bottle of Aftershock.

You think “tone” is strictly for singers and musicians.

You use the term “bulking up” instead of “gaining weight.”

You’ve ever smeared goop all over you that turns you into a healthy, deep shade of orange. (Okay, this is You Might Be A COMPETITIVE Bodybuilder If…)

In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as “spaced out.”

Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.

Just One More Rep” - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: “Lift the weight for me.”

Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.

Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he?s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.

Can I work in with you?” - Translation: “Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?”

Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.

Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.

Im maxing out” - Translation: “I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1.”

Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more youll lift next time.

Olympic Bar - Athletes nightclub.

E-Z Bar - “How dare you! Im not that type of bar.”

Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.

Its all you!” - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: “It?s mostly me.”

Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.

Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.

Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, its a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.

High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.

Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you?re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.

Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds” - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.


How do Columbians develop muscle?
By pushing drugs….
Gold’s Gym was robbed last week, that’s the last time they recommend free weights.

Why did the stupid Bodybuilder train at the zoo?
He wanted to get ripped to shreds.

What do you call a Bodybuilder with major acne?
Flecks Wheeler.

Randy bodybuilders do reps in the morning and company reps in the evening.
Who invented the lat pulldown? An unknown Latvian.

Two Bodybuilders were having a fight outside a nightclub
one of them tore off a car exhaust pipe and tried to ram it down the throat of the other builder “This is what I call
the pre-exhaust principle.”

Why wasn’t the bodybuilder evicted? Because he was squatting.

A Bodybuilder said to a reporter,”Would you like to see my traps?” And the reporter said”yes”. So he took him down to his cellar and pushed him down a trapdoor.

How many bodybuilders does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One to change it and the other 5 to yell out ‘you look fucking huge dude!’

In The Zone - Tired and incoherent during a workout. Commonly described out of the gym as "spaced out."

Extended Warm-Up - 20 minutes at low tension on the stationary bike then 20 minutes of casual stretching then a shower.


"Just One More Rep" - Said to a spotter during a set. Really means: "Lift the weight for me."


Forced Reps - For the reluctant exerciser, every single rep of a workout is a forced rep. This is especially true when they have a mean trainer.


Hack Squat - The position a cat gets into when he’s coughing up a hairball, commonly mistaken as a leg exercise.


"Can I work in with you?" - Translation: "Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?"


Drop Sets - What sometimes happens after doing a hard set of dumbell bench presses. A triple drop set occurs when you drop two dumbells and yourself to the floor.


Bulking Up - Name for the phase during which an otherwise healthy trainer will try to get bigger and fatter on purpose.


"I’m maxing out" - Translation: "I was going for 6 reps but I put too much weight on the bar and only got 1."


Cool-down - Sit on a bench and drink from a water bottle while talking about how much more you’ll lift next time.


Olympic Bar - Athlete’s nightclub.


E-Z Bar - "How dare you! I’m not that type of bar."


Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in the gym.


"It’s all you!" - Said by spotter during the last few reps of a set. Translatation: "It’s mostly me."


Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.


Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.


Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as the Hang Clean and Press.


High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to the gym.


Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.


"Hold the contraction at the top and squeeze for 10 seconds" - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish the client for missing a session.

 Howard is that you?

[The Abdominal Snoman]

John Romano walks into a Home Depot and goes to the paint department and says the the guy "I need your best paint that won't come off with water"  The guy says "are you painting the outside of your house?" And Romano says " no dude, my chest left me years ago and I have a date this weekend and would love to look like a normal human being so I'm hoping to get some good oil paint to paint on some nipples for where my chest once was"...The guy says "You are one sick fuck!-get out of my store"

[Radical Plato]

Reported to mod prepared to be banned bitch!!!!!

Pornographic material of a pro epic stupidity.

Still here bitch - not that i cared if I lost my Getbig privilege, I usually get banned from a forum about once a month. HA HA

[el numero uno]

Kai the ape who raped a grape